At 21 stone, I promoted body positivity. I should have been honest about how I felt
'While I was heavier, I still did everything I wanted to do – I went travelling, I dated gorgeous guys, saw all my favourite bands in concert,' says Goodman.
'I was determined to never let anything stop me. I always shared pictures of myself living my life and encouraged everyone to love themselves and their bodies, regardless of what they looked like. I should have been more honest about how I was feeling about myself.'
It was Goodman's penchant for binge eating that saw her weight consistently creep up, and at 23, she weighed nearly 21 stone.
Under the glossy veneer of happiness and her promotion of self-confidence, Goodman's life was marred with moments where she would feel shame: the time she had to get off a roller coaster as she was too large for the safety bar to close, or how she would hide her seat belt extenders under her stomach on flights.
'I would cry and cry about my body'
'It wasn't every night, but there were times where it would all just hit me and I would cry and cry and cry about my body,' Goodman, now 29, explains. 'I didn't like the way I looked, and I didn't like the way I felt about myself.
'I felt as if I was a thinner girl trapped in a larger girl's body. I desperately wanted to lose weight, but didn't know what to do, which is when I started to look into surgical intervention.
'I'm not going to lie and pretend I don't feel so much better about myself now I've lost weight. I want to encourage others to love their bodies enough to make a healthy change.'
There are certainly plenty of people who need that encouragement: according to a study by Imperial College London, two thirds of UK adults are overweight, with obesity costing the NHS more than £6 billion a year. But it's not always the case that weight loss is welcomed, particularly in some digital spheres. Some factions of the body positivity movement, which looks to celebrate curves and body shapes previously derided as merely being 'overweight', are now critical towards influencers who have chosen to shed the pounds.
For body-positive activist and journalist Gina Tonic, a plus-size model or influencer losing weight can almost seem like a personal slight to their followers who may also be bigger.
'There are unspoken feelings of treachery between people who are fat and those who used to be fat,' she writes in her memoir, Greedy Guts. 'Watching those conceding to societal pressure can feel like a slap to the face.'
Lizzo, once at the forefront of the body positivity movement for celebrating her bigger frame, has faced backlash from some former fans after she chose to start losing weight. While her approach was slow burn (in an interview with The New York Times, the singer asserted that she was dropping the pounds in a gradual manner, and claims to have lost weight through Pilates and being in a calorie deficit), there is now an increasing number of weight loss drugs readily available for those able to afford them. Ozempic has gained popularity in the United States, and Wegovy is available in the UK for weight management.
Similarly, not everyone was pleased for Goodman as she went through her weight loss journey, which she has posted about candidly on Instagram. Her content has sometimes received a string of negative commentary from some of her 34,000 followers.
'I'm totally unapologetic for having surgery'
'I would get remarks that would become quite nasty,' she explains. 'People would say I've 'cheated', or that I've 'taken the easy way out'. But I am totally unapologetic for having surgery, and wish I'd done it years ago.
Though she had previously tried dieting and weight loss regimens such as Slimming World, nothing seemed to lead to long-term weight loss for Goodman. It was a family friend who recommended she try gastric sleeve surgery – a procedure in which a large part of the stomach is removed in order to create a tube-like structure with a smaller capacity. With the procedure being funded by her parents, Goodman went under the knife, and five years later she has lost more than eight stone. She has also earned the money to pay her parents back.
'It blows my mind that people can't just be happy for people. If you see someone go from 300lb to 170lb and they're living a healthier life, why would you not just be happy for that person?'
Canadian influencer Olivia Messina, who has more than 400,000 followers on Instagram, is another who has faced criticism for weight loss. Messina weighed more than 23 stone when at her heaviest, and always encouraged her followers to love their curves and embrace the bodies they were in – but she then started facing a number of health issues that were detrimental to her work as a plus-size model for a fashion brand.
'I found myself getting so tired so quickly,' she explains over Zoom from Toronto. 'I have the skin condition hidradenitis suppurativa, which causes lumps and scarring all over my skin, and it just kept getting worse.'
Beforehand, Messina would 'impulse-eat', loading up on carb-heavy food her body fancied rather than what it really needed. She also found herself relying on takeaways, frequently ordering dinner and snacks on Deliveroo and Uber Eats and eating large portions quickly.
'I was fed up of constantly feeling exhausted, and having to deal with the scars all across my body,' she continues. 'I was also struggling with poor mental health, with symptoms of depression and anxiety.
'My doctor recommended I tried eating a little healthier and work out more to see if that would help, and as I lost weight, my skin condition completely cleared up. Exercise became an outlet that helped me, and I decided to encourage others into starting their own fitness journey. I regret not doing it sooner.'
After more than a year of starting a gym routine, deleting takeaway apps and batch-cooking high-protein meals from scratch, Messina has lost more than 5 stone. To start with, she admits she did feel a little 'hypocritical' at losing weight after building such a following for her fuller figure – and she received some comments from followers urging her not to get 'too thin'.
'I've got the body I always dreamt of'
'I think where body positivity goes wrong is how it tells you to love yourself no matter what,' Messina continues. 'I support body autonomy. I'm an advocate for individuals choosing what's right for them, and having the freedom to do what you want with your appearance.
'I'm very open about how weight loss has improved how I feel about myself and want my followers to understand the benefits of exercise that I've seen.'
Messina now feels healthier and happier with her body having lost weight: 'I used to be quite round, and now I have a more defined waist. I feel more feminine now.'
Goodman feels the same. While she always enjoyed team sports, she now has a regular gym routine and has discovered her love for running – she regularly completes 5km runs and now has her sights set on training for a marathon.
'I regret not being more clued up on nutrition and not knowing how to look after my body properly when I was younger,' she says. 'I understand there may be contention between being body-positive and then going on to lose weight, but it was so important for me to be honest about how I felt in myself.'
Goodman's weight loss has now opened further opportunities for her, seeing her working with clothing brand Gymshark, as well as moderating Gastric Gossip, a digital community for people who have undergone weight loss surgery.
Her substantial weight loss has now seen her undergo a tummy tuck, where she had one stone of loose skin removed from her stomach.
'The first time I looked in the mirror after the surgery, I cried,' she says. 'It was the first time I recognised myself as the girl I wanted to be. I've got the body I always dreamt of.
'I am so unapologetic about my journey. This is what has worked for me. There's always the fear that people would call me out about not being faithful towards being body-positive. And I always respond: I loved myself enough to do something that would make me love myself even more.'
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