Christian Estate Planning: How We Structured Our Family's Financial Legacy

Forbes

3 days ago

I have seen many families come and go through our offices to work on plans for their estate. They all have good intentions, but sometimes they have different expectations for the results. Not everyone feels as if things are divided fairly or justly, and it can cause some strife and tension in the family when people think they're not going to get something they're 'owed.'
This situation would not be tenable for me. Instead, I did what I suggest many people do: create a value structure for your family, make sure everyone shares those values, and do your estate planning around those.
In our case, we started with our Christian values and went from there. Let me walk you through it.
Values Bring Us Together.
Many families find themselves in a scenario where they fight over what one deserves versus another, particularly regarding their inheritance. We didn't want that to happen in our family, so there was a time when we sat everyone down to discuss the matter. We started with a hypothetical: what would our children do if their parents passed away? How would they handle the burdens now placed on them, and would they also divide themselves because of the extra weight?
It's a tricky question to answer. Nobody wants to contemplate how they will handle the loss of a parent. I rephrased it instead, asking how they thought we, their parents, would respond. The answer then became a lot more straightforward. They saw a path forward because they knew how I would react.
The goal is not to pull each other apart. Instead, it's to bring us all together.
There's Scripture that I think about often:
'Pity anyone who falls, and has no one to help them up.'
(Ecclesiastes 4:10)
This is how our family works internally. We help each other when necessary, no matter what is 'fair' or not. It's also how we work outside of our group. If others need help and we can contribute, we do. We're a team.
Fair Is Not Always Equal.
While it is unavoidably true that what we want may not happen through no fault of our own, that doesn't make life unfair.
I explained this to my family. We may wish to live in an ideal world, but more often than not, we don't. This means there is no 'fair' or 'unfair.' Only what is and what isn't, and how we respond using our values as a guide. We want to do right by others and keep our relationships strong, no matter what.
It's the most important part of the equation. We have to keep the family unit together. The decisions we make—in estate planning and otherwise—should consider that. It will not always be easy, but life often isn't, and that's OK. By keeping the family united, we will all thrive.
Neither the Carrot nor the Stick
Parents often use the idea of an inheritance to lord their wealth over their children. If the children play their parts well, they will receive more wealth. If not, they won't get any.
When this comes up, I think of Ecclesiastes 5:15:
Everyone comes naked from their mother's womb, and as everyone comes, so they depart. They take nothing from their toil that they can carry in their hands.
We cannot take it with us, nor should we want to. It's more important that our family and its legacy continue past our deaths so our values will be passed down to future generations. If this means bequeathing our wealth in ways that may seem unfair, so be it. However, things will be equitable, and each child will receive the tools best-suited to their needs.
Your estate shouldn't be a stick. Any looming punishment like that builds resentment among the family; therefore, your wealth cannot be the carrot that brings everyone together.
Together We Are Stronger.
By creating a structure that we all share, rooted in our Christian values, we build a system upon which our estate and family will thrive. Those ideas and concepts become the lens through which we make all of our decisions, and how we shape our estate for our family and future generations. By adhering to these ideals, we can ensure that our family's financial legacy is in a good place after we pass.
It's not always an easy process, but nothing good ever is.