Folly of funny money deals: A market solution would be best for Thames Water, says ALEX BRUMMER
As a long-standing critic of private equity pillage, I should be cheering from the rooftops at the decision by KKR to pull out of its proposed rescue of Thames Water.
Yet given the ghastly legacy of financial ownership and the hopelessness of the Starmer Government on commercial decisions, KKR almost looked like a white knight.
The pledge by the global investment firm to inject £4billion of equity to stabilise the balance sheet of Britain's biggest water utility, and to return the company to the stock exchange in ten years, was as good an option as this ill-fated company was likely to receive.
For KKR to get the deal done it required various forces to be aligned. The management of Thames, the existing creditors, the regulator Ofwat, the Government and the political background. Each time a pact with one party looked attainable, another problem arose.
Down the decades, KKR deservedly has taken political punishment for its alleged profiteering at the expense of shareholders, customers, and other stakeholders.
The original 'Barbarians at the Gate', dating from its deal for RJR Nabisco back in 1988, it has a history of plunder. Its ownership of Toys R Us ended in the bankruptcy courts.
In more recent times, the Wall Street group has focused on long-term investment through infrastructure.
This was the mechanism proposed by Thames Water. When the proposition was put to KKR's global investment committee by its British and European principals, it received the thumbs down.
Fear of the opprobrium, which came recently from the Commons when MPs tore into potential bonus arrangements and sewage discharges, played a role in the decision to pull out.
It was serendipity that KKR's decision emerged on the day that former Bank of England deputy-governor Sir Jon Cunliffe produced his report on the water industry. He found 'deep-rooted systemic' problems and argued for a 'fundamental reset'.
Of all the regulators designed to patrol key utilities post privatisation, Ofwat has been the most useless. None of the water utilities deserve credit for their record on keeping the nation's beaches and waterways free of sewage and industrial waste.
There are clear differences between the performance of providers such as United Utilities and Severn Trent, which have remained listed companies, and those which were sold to rapacious financiers.
Thames and Southern Water are the most notorious examples. In both cases, equity finance was largely replaced by leverage, borrowing and debts, and the lifeblood was sucked out of the enterprises by interest payments and dividends. These often were paid to entities in offshore tax havens.
Putting water to one side for a moment, that is what is so frustrating about the recent sale of the Royal Mail-owner International Distribution Services to a financial buyer, Daniel Kretinsky.
The only hope for that deal is Ofcom, which has a far better reputation as a regulator. Nevertheless, one suspects the Universal Service Obligation, and a reasonably priced first-class post, are not the priorities of the buyer.
The Labour Government was played by Kretinsky in much the same way as it was forced into an expensive rescue of Chinese-owned British Steel.
Any notion that Thames Water would be better run as a nationalised industry needs to be disabused. It took 17 years for the Treasury to free itself from ownership of NatWest.
A market solution must be the best approach. Otherwise, a bloated government balance sheet will be burdened with this spoilt asset for decades.
Red card
The love affair of US entrepreneurs, private equity and showbiz for Premier League football is not simply admiration for the beautiful game.
The American tax code allows owners of professional teams to write off the entire value of players as 'intangible assets' against tax.
If the House of Representatives' tax plan eventually receives assent, future owners (who are taxed on worldwide income) will lose this advantage.
The impact on the value of sports franchises, on both sides of the Atlantic, could potentially be catastrophic.
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Soup, Salads, Sandwiches by Matty Matheson £22.50 at the Guardian Bookshop£19.94 at Amazon Everyone's favourite side character from The Bear is a real-life restaurateur and chef, and his latest cookbook focuses on the holy trinity of lunchtime fare. While his twists on the classics go big on flavour, they're approachable too – even your family's designated pot washer could rustle up a spread in no time. John & Paul: A Love Story in Songs by Ian Leslie £22.50 at the Guardian Bookshop£19.05 at Amazon You don't have to be a fanatic fan of the Fab Four to find Ian Leslie's biography of Lennon and McCartney spellbinding. The book documents the pair's meeting in 1957 through to Lennon's murder in 1980, and highlights how their songwriting and storytelling shaped the modern world. Gabriel's Moon by William Boyd £8.49 at the Guardian Bookshop£6 at Amazon Espionage? Tick. Cold war? Tick. Secrets and betrayals? Tick. William Boyd's latest completes the spy novel full house and is a fun page-turner set in 1960s London, Cádiz and Warsaw that will appeal to fans of Le Carré and Slow Horses' Mick Herron. Is a River Alive? By Robert Macfarlane £21.25 at the Guardian Bookshop£25 at Waterstones Robert Macfarlane's most political book yet, Is a River Alive? sees the nature writer weave a compelling narrative that focuses on the health of the world's waterways in his signature style – blending in-depth research with his first-hand experiences in far-flung locations such as Ecuador, India and Quebec. Mubi Go From £18.99 a month at Mubi This streaming service celebrates indie, foreign and classic cinema and includes curated collections that take the endless scrolling out of selecting a film. Opt for a Go membership to get a ticket to a selected screening at a cinema and time of his choice. OS Maps £34.99 a year at Ordnance Survey That dog-eared Ordnance Survey map collection is now available in the palm of his hand. As well as every bridleway, byway and footpath, it includes ready-made routes by the likes of the Good Pub Guide and the ability to plot his own. A live location icon should make navigation easier too … Wine Garden of England vouchers From £32 at Wine Garden of England Kent has established itself as the home of English wine, and its south-facing slopes contain thousands of rows of vines. This voucher can be used to book tours and tastings or buy products from several of the region's best vineyards, and you're guaranteed to get a 20% discount minimum on its total value. Simply Cook subscription From £30 for three boxes at Simply Cook A meal kit for those who aren't afraid of slicing, dicing and sourcing ingredients, the Simply Cook subscription takes care of the finishing flourishes that will revolutionise midweek meals. Each pack includes three pots that vary from pastes, rubs, spice blends and marinades and a simple sub-30-minute recipe. Oddbox subscription From £11.49 a week at Oddbox Do your bit for the planet and your Pops's palate with a wonky but fresh fruit and veg box. The subscription saves excess or incorrectly shaped produce from ending up as food waste, filling a fridge and fruit bowl on a weekly or fortnightly basis with scrumptious seasonal fare. Mango pocket linen shirt £49.99 at Mango£49.99 at Asos When the hot weather hits, your dad will be thanking you for this linen shirt. It's comfortable. It's breathable. It's even naturally anti-bacterial, so it will stay fresher for longer. Linen tends to look better when it's relaxed and billowy, so we'd recommend sizing up. Falke Happy Box three-pack of socks £25 at Falke£24.95 at Amazon Let's face it: every guy likes being given socks – especially when they're by Falke. The German brand is known for creating underpinnings that are engineered for unrivalled comfort and minimal design, and they're all made using premium textiles, too. This multipack comes in a box, making for an even better gift. Arket ripstop swim shorts £37 at Arket£37 at Asos Most high-street stores' men's swimwear tends to look relatively basic – but Arket's is a step above the rest. These shorts, for example, are constructed from a sheeny ripstop that looks far more expensive than the £37 retail price. Sekonda Evans men's watch £34.99 at Sekonda£35 at Next Quiet luxury is still very much on the menswear agenda, so it makes sense that understated watches are a hot topic in the horology world in 2025 – and since they're timeless, they're a good investment for the future, too. This gold-alloy-leather-bracelet combo fits the brief perfectly. Montbell pocketable ripstop light tote £49 at End Clothing Montbell's tote puts functionality first – from the side mesh pocket that fits a water bottle to the packable design – but there are subtle details that set it apart from your average nylon bag, namely the minimal logo, rich navy hue, structured bottom and zipper closure with a contrast toggle. Scrt Dog Admirer T-shirt £50 at Scrt If we've any dog families in our midst, Scrt's Dog Admirer tee is the gift that's sure to get you in the good books. Like the east London-based label's entire range, it's made using a premium heavyweight fabric and cut to a comfy oversized fit. Size down if he prefers it fitted. Crew neck T-shirt £14.90 at Uniqlo If your dad is more of a classic dresser, you can't go wrong with a well-fitting crisp white T-shirt. This affordable option from Uniqlo has been a big hit with readers since appearing in our guide to 50 men's summer wardrobe updates under £100. Schuh Summit leather sandals £45 at Schuh£45 at Next Classic black leather sandals are a crowd pleaser – and can be worn pretty much everywhere. Around the house. To the park. Even to walk the aforementioned dog. This year, the strappy gladiator-coded style is trending, and Schuh's Summit is a great nod to the trend without sacrificing timelessness. Autograph Supima T-shirt and Lyocell pyjamas Top £18 at Marks & SpencerBottoms £30 at Marks & Spencer A pair of PJs will always go down well. But what makes this set by Autograph (Marks & Spencer's premium label) so good for Father's Day is that they're made from lightweight, breathable fabrics, perfect for the impending summer. They're so smooth he'll never want to take them off. Folk waffle socks £20 at Folk Menswear brand Folk is a favourite among fashionable fathers in the know – and the brand is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year. These waffle-stitch socks will add a splash of colour to any outfit and are on the cool rather than cringe spectrum of novelty. Hush Puppies The Good Slipper £30.99 at Hush PuppiesFrom £42 at John Lewis Up the eco credentials of your dad's loungewear with these recycled slippers from Hush Puppies. The upper is made of 90% recycled polyester, while the sole is padded with recycled foam for a more comfortable slipper. Waffle dressing gown £32 at Next Lightweight enough to wear throughout the summer months, a waffle dressing gown will give your dad a luxe spa feel while lounging around at home.
