My parents gave me a feminine-sounding name. My family made fun of me until I changed it.

Business Insider

02-05-2025

I grew up insecure about my name because it didn't seem as masculine as others in my family.
It didn't help that my cousins and uncles didn't let me live it down.
I changed my name to my great-grandfather's, and my parents were shocked by my decision.
I grew up feeling insecure about my name. Most of my male family members had masculine names like Butch, David, and Apollo, but I was always the bud of the joke with the name Amarilis.
Being from a large Italian family meant frequent get-togethers, and whenever we met, my cousins and uncles never let me live it down.
These jokes played a big role in lowering my self-esteem and made me believe everyone I encountered would always make fun of my name. Ultimately, it made me introduce myself using my surname, Giovanni. Even so, everyone would ask, "Is that your last name? What's your first name?" and I learned to shrug the question off completely.
My parents combined family names to make mine up
Needless to say, I was never proud of my feminine name. When I asked my mom why she chose the name in particular, she said I was their last child, and she and my dad decided to combine a few family names and came up with Amarilis.
Despite the frustration it caused me, they saw nothing wrong with it and thought it was a beautiful, unique-sounding name. In passing, I'd say that I would change my name in the future, and my parents would emphasize that they wanted their children to be proud of where they came from. That would be the end of the conversation.
Everybody else saw it differently.
What I was doing didn't matter; my name preceded my gender. When sending job applications, most potential employers automatically thought I was female and responded with "Ms. Amarilis." I was particularly taken aback when I once received a letter saying, " I'm happy to see a female rising to the occasion and wanting to take on a heavy-duty construction role."
Often, showing up to an interview meant hiring managers were surprised that I was a middle-aged man and would comment on it. At these points, I realized people would always determine who I was before meeting them, and my name didn't help.
I decided to change my name
I spent a lot of time dealing with the unhappiness that came with my name until I met my wife at a work seminar. She was the first person who didn't crack jokes and advised that if I wasn't really happy with my name, I should consider changing it. After all, happiness was a personal choice. During our conversations, I realized there was no reward for subjecting myself to a name I struggled with. After a while, I decided to apply for a name change.
I didn't know anything about the process, but I learned that I had to file a petition with the court in my jurisdiction, attend a hearing, and obtain a court order. Thereafter, I updated relevant government agencies about my name change, including the Social Security Administration, the Department of Motor Vehicles, financial institutions, employers, and insurance companies. Then, I attended a court hearing to present my case. The process took a year and a couple of months, but once completed, I had a new name — Nathan Giovanni.
The name I chose was sentimental because it belonged to my great-grandfather, whom I had an amazing relationship with. To honor his legacy, I thought I'd continue his name.
My parents were angry at me
My parents had an adverse reaction to my new name. While I had spoken about changing my name through the years, I think they never thought I would do it. They cursed me out, threatened to disown me, and didn't talk to me for over a year. My decision shocked them, especially because the names your parents gave you are highly regarded in Italian culture.
According to my dad, changing my name embarrassed the family and ruined the legacy. My mom spent months crying, and it took a lot of push and pull before they talked to me again. I had a tough time trying to explain myself because I value my parents' approval, but I realized I subjected myself to what my family wanted without considering the things that made me happy and whole as an individual.
I'm glad I met my wife, who inspired me to put my feelings first. My only regret is that I didn't change my name sooner.