Before Brian Ketchum died in his 80s, he spent $45K chatting with ‘liars and thieves' online, his children say

Yahoo

7 days ago

Whether it's the loss of a spouse or a fresh start after divorce, the need for companionship doesn't fade with age — if anything, it deepens, especially as social isolation sets in.
It can make emotionally vulnerable people financially vulnerable, too. That's what happened to 82-year-old Brian Ketcham, as his son Christopher relates in The Cut.
Christopher's story about his father serves both as a heartbreaking family exposé and cautionary tale about older adults' vulnerability to online romance scams.
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Brian Ketcham was in his 80s — a retired transportation engineer and urban planner once hailed by The New York Times as an 'influential environmentalist' — when he began spending his days chatting online on the Dream Singles website.
His first connection was with 'Vasilisa,' a smoky-eyed Russian blonde. As he wrote:
'You are perfect. Only I am 82. In good health (you do know the 80's is the new 60's). As you report in your introduction if I got to know you for 5 minutes we would be in love. I already am.'
Brian Ketcham's fantasy partners never materialized. What was real was the amount Dream Singles charged him for every online chat.
Christopher and his sister Eve estimate that over the course of three years, their father spent at least $45,000 on the site.
'Only his death stopped the hemorrhaging of cash,' Christopher wrote.
Romance scams aren't new, but the tools used to execute them have evolved into something far more sophisticated — and dangerous. Artificial intelligence can generate lifelike photos, clone voices and write convincing love letters, often tricking elderly victims.
When Christopher and his sister suggested that the women on Dream Singles were all an illusion and the site was just a way to separate him from his money, Brian Ketcham wrote to 'Vasilisa' to confront her with his children's doubts.
In response, he received this grammatically awkward but convincing response from his Russian dream girl: 'I'm here not that prove you something, if you don't trust me we can forget about each other.'
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Afraid of losing the fantasy woman he believed cared for him, he doubled down and sent her his Brooklyn address and phone number in the hope she'd connect in person. In the wrong hands, these two deeply personal details could open the door to far more than heartbreak.
He continued to spend money on the site, as Christopher relates: 'Our father, we agreed, seemed intent on handing his money to liars and thieves,"
Of course, Brian is only one among thousands of Americans who fall prey to such manipulation every year. Last year alone, Americans 60 and over lost at least $389 million to romance scams, according to the FBI's 2024 Elder Fraud Report.
In 1963, AARP founder Ethel Percy Andrus warned Congress that fraudsters were preying on older Americans — selling fake arthritis cures, posing as government agents and draining savings through real estate scams that never existed.
'Nothing could be more invidious,' she said, 'than the pressures that plague older persons and place their health in jeopardy and further deplete their reduced incomes.'
More than 60 years later, the tactics have changed — but the targets haven't. One in four Americans over 65 are socially isolated, according to the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, That means they are at high risk of financial exploitation.
The natural process of aging means older adults are also vulnerable to scams due to cognitive decline — and it's not necessarily Alzheimer's disease or mild cognitive impairment.
After she discovered her father was spending money on the Dream Singles site, Brian Ketcham's daughter Eve convinced him to visit a neuropsychologist to test his cognitive abilities. He went to prove her wrong.
Unfortunately, the neuropsychologist determined that his working memory and executive function were compromised and his reasoning 'greatly diminished.'
If you're worried someone close to you might be falling for a scam, there are a few subtle ways you can step in. First, keep the conversation flowing. Take an interest if they mention a new online friend or romantic interest.
Ask questions like, 'How did you two meet?' or 'What kind of work do they do?' If they haven't met in person yet — especially after weeks or months of chatting — that's a major red flag.
You can also ask for the person's name and photo, then do a quick reverse image search or background check to see if anything out of the ordinary pops up.
Most importantly, talk to your loved ones about these scams before they happen. Let them know this kind of thing is real — and getting more common.
Advise them to be cautious of anyone who asks for personal details like their address, banking info, or even their childhood pet's name (yes, scammers love security questions).
At the end of the day, remind them that genuine relationships take time — and real partners never, ever ask for your credit card number.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.