After a breakup, I left NYC for Miami and moved in with my mom. It was supposed to be temporary, but 3 years later, I have no plans to leave.
Stobo is also training to take over her mom's company, so the two work together.
Stobo has no plans to move and says living with her mom has improved her mental health.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Samantha Stobo, a 32-year-old who lives in Miami with her mom. It has been edited for length and clarity.
When your life feels like it's falling apart, it might actually be coming together. I was in a bad place in 2022, but I wouldn't change anything because it led me to where I am now.
I was working in private equity in New York and had been living there for five years. We had gone fully remote during COVID, but then my company wanted to return to in-office five days a week.
I was 9-to-5, five days a week, for four or five years, but after getting a taste of the remote lifestyle, I did not want to go back.
Then, I went through a pretty brutal breakup with the guy I was living with. I was turning 28 and didn't want to be in New York City anymore.
I called my mom, and she said, "I don't know why we've never done this before, but why don't you come work for me?"
The short-term plan was to move in with my mom in Miami, get my bearings, and start working with her. That was three years ago, and it's been perfect ever since.
Moving back in with Mom
My mom owns a wellness hotel in Costa Rica, and I work with her in business development and marketing. I am prepping to take over the company at some point.
My mom moved to Miami from California in 2021 because it's closer to Costa Rica.
I wasn't so worried about what it would be like to live with her because we have such a great relationship. I was more worried about what people would think about me living with my mom. I think there's a stigma out there that you lose your independence or you're backtracking if you move back in with your parents.
When I first moved in with her, we were in a rental. It was a two-bedroom, two-bathroom, but quite a small rental. My mom's boyfriend lives with us and works for the company, too. We laugh now. We're like, "How did we ever live there?" But it was fun.
Now, we're in a much larger home. It has four bedrooms and four baths.
Adjusting to change
My mom purchased her home in 2023, and now we have expenses like cleaners that come once a week and a pool cleaner. My mom also buys all the groceries. We decided I would pay a fixed amount to the household, which is $2,000 a month.
When I moved in, I hadn't lived in a family home for 10 years. I was trying to adjust from living with roommates, where you buy your own groceries, keep them in separate areas of the fridge, and get mad when they leave their dishes in the sink.
My mom loves to cook, so she cooks all my meals for me and does my laundry sometimes. It was an adjustment to be like, "OK, what are these things that she does for me? But also, I'm a fully functioning adult. What are the things that I do for myself that don't make me seem like I'm a 12-year-old living with her mom?"
When I first moved in, I went out with friends and came home around 2 a.m. She was up and panicked. I didn't even think to tell her because I'd lived in New York for five years by myself and never had to tell someone when I'd be home. I taught her how to use Find My Friends, and we have open communication.
Working together
We work from home. While it's a lot to live and work with my mom, I think it would be ridiculous to have a separate apartment and then come to the house to work with her.
Since she's the company owner and I'm learning to take it over, it's also helpful that I'm clued into every conversation, and it's not just 9-to-5 that we're talking about work. We're talking about it on Saturday, Sunday, after hours, whenever something comes up.
It is sometimes hard to separate work from mother-daughter chores. If I am working and she says, "Take out the trash," then I'm like, "Well, I'm busy working." We get in stupid little arguments like that, but overall, it's worked really well for us.
A built-in best friend
Living together was only supposed to be temporary, but it's been three years.
I don't have any plans to live alone, but sometimes, I get a little stressed. I don't want to be 36, still living with my mom, but it's working for where we are right now.
I have a built-in best friend. Life is hard enough. It's nice to come home every day to a place where I feel safe and comfortable and know that I have someone who has my back.
I think it's kind of crazy that we've normalized living with random people over living with your family. Living with my mom has been amazing for my mental health. Having a safe landing space is so important.
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