Former NZ Warriors star Manu Vatuvei moving on from drug conviction
'I don't wish what I went through upon anyone,' he said. 'Bouncing back from where I was before, it was hard.
'You have some good people that will be there to support me, and there will be those people that dislike me because of what I did, but that's part of it.
'I take ownership of what I did and I'm accountable for it, and now I'm changing my life again and rebuilding from the start. I've been there before, rebuilding myself, so I can do it again.'
Vatuvei said he continued to carry the weight of his decisions.
'I'm ready to move forward, but it'll always be on me, everything that I've done. At the end of the day, I just use that as fuel to make me work harder to rebuild again.
'All the hate that I get, I'll just use that as energy to show that I'm doing something good.'
Vatuvei is trying to use his experience to encourage other rugby league players to speak out when struggling with mental health. He admitted having suicidal thoughts as his name was dragged through the mud.
'We don't show how hurt we are or if we've got an injury, we just keep playing. We don't want to show the opponent that we're hurt, then they'll keep targeting us, so we don't want to be that weak link in there.'
He implored players not to suffer in silence.
'If there's something wrong, you will have someone there that you could talk to and support you. I did, but I was old-school way, just 'get over it and keep moving forward'.
'Eventually, it just got worse and it caught up with me.'
Vatuvei has used his time after prison working alongside Dave Letele's Buttabean Motivation (BBM) team.
'I help a lot of people through training and, for what we do with David, I owe him a lot. He never looked down at me or anything.
'He just took me under his wing and gave me the opportunity, but then it was up to me to work my arse off. He just opened the door, and then I just had to walk in and make the move.
'Now I'm just working hard and giving back to our community again, sharing my story with the people I train, because they go through a lot with mental battles.
'I've been through mental battles too, so I'm just happy that I can show support in that way.'
Vatuvei has also engaged in public speaking, particularly to youth about taking wrong paths.
'I'm just trying to rebuild and find opportunities elsewhere ... just do what's given to me and hopefully do something positive.'
Vatuvei did try to get back into playing last year, but his body would not allow it.
'I've been away from the game for a while now. I tried to play some grassroots footy for my club and I just kept getting injured.
'I had hamstring problems and then I dislocated my shoulder on my last game, so it just says that my body has had enough, now it's just time for me to move on with life.
'I was still hanging on to it, I still had hopes, but after that, it was time to hang it up and focus on my family and focus on something to provide for them.'
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