8 ways parents can help kids talk about their feelings
Children show a wide range of emotions, be it frustration or disappointment or excitement, without any filters. However, expressing their feelings is not an easy task for them. At a young age, adolescents undergo various changes, both behavioural and psychological, which make it difficult for both the children and parents to connect on an emotional level.
It may seem like the biggest challenge for parents but by creating an emotionally available environment, the gap between the parent and their child can be minimised. The goal should be to have a respectful, calm and non-judgmental space for children.
According to Cambridge's
Emotion Regulation and Parenting and several developmental studies (
Cambridge University Press & Assessment), parents who consistently talk about emotions by labelling, validating and explaining them, help enhance children's emotional awareness, empathy and self-regulation skills.
Just by uttering simple statements like 'It's okay to feel angry; let's talk about what's making you feel that way', parents can teach kids that their emotions are valid, understood and manageable.
Are parents failing to teach their kids emotional intelligence? (Image: TOI)
Ambiguity over intense emotions can trigger stress responses but naming an emotion like 'anger' or 'hurt' reduces activity in the brain's emotional center (amygdala), helping calm the child, or so
InnerSelf & supporting neuroscience studies
claimed
.
Saying 'You seem frustrated. Would you like to say more about that?' helps your kids process what's bubbling inside.
As per the
Theory of Reflective Parenting
by Peter Fonagy and colleagues, when parents see their child as having independent thoughts and emotions and reflect on them, they build deeper emotional literacy and trust. Phrases like 'I feel worried when I don't hear from you. What's going through your mind?' help children feel 'known', rather than judged.
Here's how parents can create an environment for open emotional communication with their children? (Image: TOI)
In an interview with TOI, Dr Saiyam Sahni, Director at The Beacon School in Gurugram, suggested 8 things parents can do to help children talk about their feelings -
Trust and hear them out without any criticism
An open emotional communication can only be channelled through trust. If you want your child to share his/her feelings, you must hear them out without any criticism. This implies that as a parent you must be attentive, make an eye contact and avoid any form of interruptions, be it a phone call or any other life chore.
Watch your facial expressions
Parents must understand that children are very sensitive hence, even a raised eyebrow or a sigh can signal a judgment for them. So stay calm and receptive while communicating with your children, especially on sensitive issues and conversations.
Model emotional openness
To channel emotional openness in your relationship with your child, you must first begin with yourself. Simple conversations such as 'I felt nervous before my presentation too when I was your age, but took a few deep breaths and managed it', it demonstrates that your home/bond is a safe space for conversations like this where each other's fears and vulnerabilities are heard.
Validate your child's feelings
Validation is equally important in a conversation with your child. Acknowledging your child's feelings is important. Simple conversations that involve statements such as 'Your experience matters', or, 'that sounds frustrating, are you fine' or 'I am so happy to see you excited' adds depth to your conversations. Validation does not mean you agree to what your child is saying but it does mean that you recognise and respect their emotions.
Use open ended statements for conversations
Do not use close ended statements during the conversations as it does not leave room for a healthy exchange of emotions. A yes and no answer may seem like a dead end. So instead of 'Are you upset' say 'What happened? What was going through your mind?' This helps in building emotional literacy by connecting emotions to thoughts and events.
Practice patience
Learn to be patient and hear your children with calmness and involvement. Use statements such as, 'I'm here to listen, not to fix.
What would you like me to know?' Do not rush conversations.
Link physical sensations to emotions
Let your child be vulnerable and try to understand how he/she felt at the moment. You can ask - "How did your body feel when that happened?" or "Are you in any form of discomfort?"
Adopt a problem-solving approach
Exhibit a problem solving and empathetic approach. You may ask how to help! By doing the above, it will help your child feel safe and promote them to do more in-depth conversations with you! You are their guiding light as parents, the environment you create is what will build the roots of your relationship.
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