Lighten Up: No more Mickey Mouse farming

Irish Examiner

03-05-2025

Walt Disney was a great man for dreaming big; well, today I'm going to dream bigger than auld Walt ever did.
I'm about to throw a bid on Disney's west Cork retreat.
The castle, the grounds, the garden, the works... the whole kit and caboodle.
You might have read about it in d'paper.
It's a magical-looking spot. 56 acres in total, located out there near Coolmain beach.
The price tag is a hefty one, €7.5m.
I may have to phone a friend, or even contact the Credit Union for a bridging loan.
I'll need deep pockets for sure, to make my Disney dream a reality. But I will do it.
For when you wish upon a star, you always find some ace up your sleeve.
Anyhow, since it came on the market, about a week ago now, I have dreamed of little else only Disney and the land.
I have been salivating at the lips like old Long John Silver himself.
But now I feel the wind is in my sails. The fly is in my ointment.
I have the confidence to put the promise of money where my mouth is.
The Disney plot in West Cork will be mine for sure, for I want it bad enough.
I will just have to figure out how to pay for it later on, after the dust settles.
The location is ideal for me. It might be close to Kinsale, but I prefer to look in the other direction.
As the crow flies, it's about 15 minutes from Bandon Mart and the same distance to the slaughterhouse... an ideal spot really to fatten dry cows.
I could have a herd of dry cows grazing on the ground faster than you can shout Mary Poppins.
All I need really are the keys to the kingdom, and I'd be in there faster than 'Herbie Goes Bananas'.
The Disney land is mostly in grass of some fashion, which is ideal for my purposes, of course. There are extensive gardens too, I believe, and a tennis yard also, I am told.
But nothing, I'm sure that a four-sod plough and rotavator couldn't root up in record time.
It might have been a classy joint before, a Mickey Mouse sort of establishment, but that will soon change with Auld Lehane in charge.
I have ambitions, you see. I'm like Disney really, only west Cork style.
I hear there is a castle of some description attached to the main dwelling... That's OK too. I can live with that.
A lick of paint and you'd probably never know it was there at all.
And boy golly, but the amount of stars and movie royalty that must have passed through the place over the years, I'm sure, would make your head spin.
Well, the only thing that will be spinning there from now on, if I get my way, will be the fertiliser spinner.
I'll make a go of it with the right Teagasc man by my side.
I have the machinery to rattle it into shape.
And if truth be told, my old place back home here in Kilmichael is in a right state. I have become very tired and exhausted with my lot.
My cattle have gone nuts for climbing ditches and can now leave the place faster than Jack Sparrow leaves a sinking ship.
Things are far from Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
And that's an understatement.
So, I think a move to the Disney land in Kilbrittain is the right move for me. Because, I seriously need that bit of Disney magic in my meadow.