Here's What People Are Getting Wrong About The Diddy Trial According To A Domestic Violence Expert

Yahoo

a day ago

Warning: Discussion of sexual abuse.
If you've seen anything about the ongoing Sean "Diddy" Combs federal trial, then there's a chance that you've seen some social media takes that aren't...great.
Prosecutors allege that the music mogul attempted to "engage in, among other crimes, sex trafficking, forced labor, kidnapping, arson, bribery, and obstruction of justice." He is facing five criminal counts and has denied all allegations.
As with any high-profile case of alleged sexual misconduct, people can be quick to misunderstand the dynamics of that can potentially underpin an abusive relationship. So, BuzzFeed spoke to Dr. Shanita Brown, a licensed counselor and teaching assistant professor at East Carolina University who primarily works in the field of intimate partner violence.
Related: Here Are 16 Actors Who Saved Their Skin By Turning Down Roles In Movies That People Notoriously Hated
One of the main things Shanita has seen in discourse surrounding the trial is a false idea of what consent is — namely, that "previous consent in sexual activity implies ongoing consent." She explained, "That's just simply not true. And so it's important for people to understand that consent is required at every interaction. Asking questions, such as, 'May I proceed? Are you comfortable with this? Do you want to keep going? Would you rather stop?'"
Another misconception is that if things were really that bad, then the romantic partner would have just left. The reality is very different. As Shanita put it, "It takes seven attempts for a survivor to successfully leave, and that's due mainly to trauma bonding. This idea that we have this attachment to someone who has caused you harm, it's similar to a drug. Think about the brain, the love bombing, the up and down, they're nice one time, then they're harmful to you — and so the brain is confused. We can't dismiss that. People like Cassie, they love their boyfriend, they love their partners, and they want it to work out."
"It truly is a cycle. There's a period of hope, and there's this period of abuse and affection, and then there's disappointment, and so that kind of reinforces that attachment to stay in that cycle," she added.
Shanita has subsequently had conversations with people who will point out that Cassie was a participant herself in the "freak-offs" and "could have just left." To that, Shanita says, "I've had conversations in hair salons with friends and groups, helping them understand that she was coerced. She was afraid for her life. People don't understand that."
Related: 18 Celebrities Who Called Out Other Celebs On Social Media For Bad, Problematic, Or Just Plain Mean Behavior
"Yet they are making jokes about [lubricant] Astroglide. They're making tons of jokes," she continued. "I'm encouraging my clients, who are survivors and currently in the relationship, to pull back off of social media and the media, and to watch those conversations that they're having with family and friends, and be mindful."
As for how coverage of the trial has impacted survivors, especially Black women, Shanita said, "It's revisited PTSD for survivors who are currently in a DV relationship or have experienced sexual assault. It's bringing up a lot of flashbacks, so I'm checking in with my clients to see how they're doing regarding self-care, making sure they are honoring their boundaries and protecting their mental health. It can bring up a lot of flashbacks about the system, how it treats Black women survivors, how they are impacted, how they're not believed. The legal ramifications of survivors, Black survivors, who speak up is really important, too."
Of course, the trial has yet to be concluded, and so it's hard to draw conclusions as to whether this will be a net positive for survivors. At the same time, Shanita hopes people can look to Cassie and say, "It's about sharing her story and getting free, right? It's about freedom. It's about empowerment, and she gets to do this in her own way."
She further reminded people that physical abuse, such as in the video of Diddy appearing to attack Cassie in a lobby, is not the only "valid" form of abuse. "The non-physical forms of violence are just as damaging and just as valid as physical assault," she continued. "I've had conversations with people who ask, 'Is he hitting her?' Why would you ask that question? Does it matter? Abuse is abuse."
Shanita has further seen assumptions that survivors choosing to wait a while before reporting their experience impacts how credible they are. She cited "Mia," Diddy's former assistant, who said she didn't come forward sooner because she was "terrified and brainwashed." Shanita explained, "Due to fear, due to shame, due to trauma, there are many reasons why survivors will wait. Just because they didn't report immediately doesn't mean that it didn't happen."
One thing that Shanita thinks is largely absent from the conversation is the men who have accused Diddy of rape and sexual assault. She said, "It's important that we acknowledge and validate all survivors of sexual assault, regardless of their gender. Let's not forget about them. There's a myth that male victims are not credible, and that's just not true. Men can be sexually assaulted. Let's make sure we lift them up and honor their experience as well."
Well said, Shanita.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website. If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
Also in Celebrity: 17 Actors Who Said "No" To Nudity And Sex Scenes Out Of Respect For Their Partners, Families, Religion, And More
Also in Celebrity: Chrissy Teigen Posted The Results Of Her Hairline Lowering Surgery, And Ouch
Also in Celebrity: Here's Why People Are Raising Their Eyebrows Over Chris Pratt's Post About The Fatal Shooting Of His 'Parks And Recreation' Costar Jonathan Joss