'Ask for the test,' grandfather battling cancer calls on men to seek help
Gary, 69, has prostate cancer and has lived with treatment for years and has been able to enjoy his life and retirement. However, it could all be so different.
For Gary, it all started with a passing comment at the end of a routine doctor's appointment.
Gary, who has now retired from his security job and moved to Pentwyn, Cardiff, explains he was about to leave his GP appointment when the young doctor asked: 'Is there anything else I can help you with?'
Gary says he shook his head. But the doctor paused, looked up, and asked again: 'Are you sure?'
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Gary says he remembers hesitating — then finally mentioning some issues with sexual function. That small admission led to a rectal exam, which found nothing unusual. But the doctor followed up with a prostate-specific antigen (PSA) blood test, just to be safe.
That test revealed high levels of prostate-specific antigen. A biopsy followed. The result? Aggressive prostate cancer.
Fifteen years on, Gary is still living with the disease. It has spread to his torso, but ongoing treatment has kept it in check. Thanks to radiotherapy, chemotherapy and hormone therapy, he has been able to enjoy his retirement — especially tending to the parsnips and carrots on his allotment.
'You'd never guess I've got something in me that's trying to kill me,' he said. 'Unless they find a cure, I know it'll eventually get me. But right now, I feel good.'
Gary has never forgotten the doctor who asked the extra question — and persisted. 'He was just out of medical school. I haven't seen him since, and I don't know his name. But I'd give anything to say thank you and give him a cwtch. He saved my life.'
Gary's diagnosis marked the start of a difficult chapter. He battled panic attacks, gained weight, and lost his confidence. 'At one point, I was 20 stone. I saw a photo of myself on holiday and thought, 'I've got to sort this out.'' Since then, he's lost four stone, and says the cancer no longer feels like it's winning.
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Support from wife, Carol, his two children and three grandchildren, has kept Gary going. So too did Dr Jim Barber at Velindre, who has guided his care from the beginning. 'He's been with me every step of the way,' said Gary.
Gary is now lending his voice to Prostate Cancer UK's campaign calling for PSA blood tests — not rectal exams — to be the first step in diagnosing prostate cancer. 'That blood test is what caught mine. The exam didn't find anything.'
The British Association of Urological Surgeons recently backed the charity's call to move away from routine rectal exams, calling the method outdated and unreliable.
One in eight men in the UK will develop prostate cancer. Those over 50 — or over 45 for Black men or anyone with a family history — can request a free PSA test from their GP, even without symptoms.
Gary says: 'Don't be embarrassed. Ask for the test. I did — just in time.'
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ViiV Healthcare data show 89% of treatment-naïve people with HIV choose to switch to long-acting injectable Vocabria + Rekambys from daily pills after achieving rapid viral suppression
Multiple real-world studies show consistent high effectiveness of Vocabria + Rekambys (cabotegravir + rilpivirine LA (CAB+RPV LA)) across a broad range of populations Implementation science data for Apretude (cabotegravir long-acting (CAB LA) for PrEP) demonstrate 95% of participants were happy they switched from oral PrEP to CAB LA LONDON, July 14, 2025--(BUSINESS WIRE)--ViiV Healthcare, the global specialist HIV company majority owned by GSK, with Pfizer and Shionogi as shareholders, today announced data from the phase IIIb VOLITION study demonstrating that 89% (n=129/145) of eligible treatment-naïve people living with HIV opted to switch to long-acting injectable Vocabria + Rekambys (branded as Cabenuva in the US Canada and Australia) following rapid viral suppression with daily Dovato (dolutegravir/lamivudine (DTG/3TC)). Additional real-world data from other studies reinforce CAB+RPV LA's effectiveness across a broad range of populations. Jean van Wyk, MBChB, MFPM, Chief Medical Officer at ViiV Healthcare, said: "Data from the VOLITION study highlight how providing choice in HIV care empowers individuals to choose medicines that meet their evolving everyday needs. ViiV pioneered long-acting injectables for HIV, and we now have over three years of robust real-world evidence demonstrating the impact our portfolio is having today across a broad range of settings and populations. Long-acting injectables provide options that can offer high effectiveness and tolerability, improved adherence, and a preferred dosing schedule compared with daily oral pills. We believe they are a key part of HIV treatment and prevention and will play a critical role in achieving our ambition of ending HIV and AIDS." Data summary from ViiV Healthcare and partner studies at IAS 2025: Empowering choice: 89% of treatment-naïve people with HIV opt for CAB+RPV LA after achieving rapid viral suppression: These new data from the phase IIIb VOLITION study evaluate the experience of treatment-naïve individuals who initiated treatment with daily DTG/3TC pills and were subsequently offered the choice to switch to CAB+RPV LA after achieving viral suppression. Study results showed that participants achieved rapid viral suppression with DTG/3TC (median time to suppression: 4.14 weeks), following which they were offered to switch. At the immediate next study visit (Day of Choice), 89% (n=129/145) of eligible participants chose to switch to CAB+RPV LA, while 11% (n=16) opted to continue DTG/3TC. The most common reasons cited for choosing CAB+RPV LA were not having to worry about missing a dose each day (80%) and not having to carry medication (68%).These findings underscore the efficacy and tolerability of DTG/3TC as a rapid suppression option, and demonstrate the value of offering CAB+RPV LA as a treatment option to meet individual needs and preferences.1 CAB+RPV LA delivers sustained effectiveness and enhanced patient experience in real-world settings: Data from multiple real-world observational studies, including the two-year BEYOND study in the US, the CARLOS study in Germany, the COMBINE-2 cohort across seven European countries, and the OPERA study, consistently reinforce the high effectiveness, favourable outcomes and patient satisfaction associated with CAB+RPV LA.2,3,4,5,6,7 BEYOND is a two-year prospective observational study enrolling people with HIV following the decision to switch to CAB+RPV LA across 27 U.S. sites.2 Among the 308 participants, 97% maintained virologic suppression at Month 24 (at most recent viral load of <50 copies/ml), with infrequent discontinuations due to injection reactions and no new confirmed virologic failures after Month 6. Participants reported reduced stigma and improved treatment satisfaction.3 Similarly, the real-world CARLOS study of 351 participants in Germany, showed 77.5% virologic suppression at Month 24, with high adherence (94.2% on-time injections) and clinically meaningful improvements in treatment satisfaction.4 97.7% of participants maintained virologic suppression at last known viral load at Month 24 or at discontinuation. In Europe, the COMBINE-2 study, evaluating real-world outcomes for 956 virologically suppressed people with HIV initiating CAB+RPV LA across seven European countries, reported 99% virologic suppression at last measured viral load (median follow-up of 10.2 months), with low rates of confirmed virologic failure (0.5%) and high persistence (92% remaining on therapy).5 Real-world evidence focussed on the effectiveness of CAB+RPV LA outside the labelled indication in viraemic patients: The large-scale OPERA study further explored the effectiveness of CAB+RPV LA in treatment-experienced individuals initiating therapy with detectable viral loads and long-standing HIV. Among the 3,304 participants, 11% (368 individuals) initiated with baseline viremia (>50 copies/mL), of these, 88% achieved viral suppression to <50 copies/mL (of n=277/313 with ≥ 1 viral load during follow-up and VL<50 copies/mL at any point during follow-up). A separate analysis also showed that among a diverse group of 105 women initiating CAB+RPV LA with viremia, most achieved viral suppression (of 92 women with ≥1 VL at follow-up, 92% achieved VL <50 copies/mL at any point during follow up), with confirmed virologic failure being rare.6,7 Through these findings, CAB+RPV LA was shown to address challenges associated with daily oral pills, offering improved treatment satisfaction, high effectiveness and a patient-preferred treatment option that supports long-term virologic control. Implementation studies highlight CAB LA for PrEP is highly preferred and easy to implement for key prevention groups: The PILLAR and EBONI studies highlight the high acceptability and feasibility of CAB LA for PrEP for HIV prevention in broad populations, including men who have sex with men (MSM), transgender men (TGM), and Black women (BW).8,9 PILLAR is a phase IV implementation trial assessing the integration of CAB LA for PrEP across 17 clinics in the U.S. among a broad population of MSM and TGM (n=201).8 CAB LA for PrEP was rated highly acceptable (mean 4.6/5 at Month 12) and feasible (mean 4.4/5), with 95% of participants (n=131) who switched from oral PrEP reporting being happy with the choice and 98% recommending CAB LA for PrEP (n=140). Flexible scheduling, reminders, and educational tools supported adherence, while stigma concerns were significantly lower compared to oral PrEP users. Similarly, EBONI, an implementation study evaluating CAB LA for PrEP in Black cis and transgender women, among women's health clinics, across 72 healthcare provider respondents at 15 clinics primary care and infectious disease clinics in the US. Data found CAB LA for PrEP highly appropriate (mean 4.5/5) and feasible (mean 4.4/5) for Black women.9 In addition, clinic capacity to accommodate CAB LA for PrEP tripled within a year without increasing staff or time commitment. The health benefits of two monthly visits included additional opportunities to screen for STIs, screening for comorbidities or providing other health or psychological care. These findings highlight Apretude's potential to support broader PrEP implementation and improve outcomes in underserved populations who may benefit the most across varied clinical settings. Trademarks are owned by or licensed to the ViiV Healthcare group of companies. About Apretude (cabotegravir long-acting for PrEP) Apretude is a medicine used for preventing sexually transmitted HIV-1 infection (pre-exposure prophylaxis or PrEP) in adults and adolescents weighing at least 35 kg who are at high risk of being infected. Individuals must have a negative HIV-1 test prior to initiating Apretude (with or without an oral lead-in with oral cabotegravir) for HIV-1 PrEP. It should be used in combination with safer sex practices, such as using condoms. Apretude contains the active substance cabotegravir. Please consult the full Summary of Product Characteristics for all the safety information: Apretude 600 mg prolonged-release suspension for injection About Vocabria (cabotegravir) Vocabria injection is indicated - in combination with rilpivirine injection - for the treatment of Human Immunodeficiency Virus type 1 (HIV-1) infection in adults and adolescents (at least 12 years of age and weighing at least 35kg) who are virologically suppressed (HIV-1 RNA <50 copies/mL) on a stable antiretroviral regimen without present or past evidence of viral resistance to, and no prior virological failure with agents of the non-nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitors (NNRTI) and integrase inhibitor (INI) class. Vocabria tablets are indicated - in combination with rilpivirine tablets - for the short-term treatment of HIV-1 infection in adults and adolescents (at least 12 years of age and weighing at least 35kg) who are virologically suppressed (HIV-1 RNA <50 copies/mL) on a stable antiretroviral regimen without present or past evidence of viral resistance to, and no prior virological failure with agents of the NNRTI and INI class for: oral lead in to assess tolerability of Vocabria and rilpivirine prior to administration of long acting Vocabria injection plus long acting rilpivirine injection. oral therapy for adults who will miss planned dosing with Vocabria injection plus rilpivirine injection. Vocabria tablets are only indicated for treatment of HIV-1 in combination with rilpivirine tablets, therefore, the prescribing information for Edurant (rilpivirine) tablets should also be consulted for recommended dosing. Please consult the full Summary of Product Characteristics for all the safety information: Vocabria 400mg/600 mg prolonged-release suspension for injection and Vocabria 30 mg film-coated tablets About Rekambys (rilpivirine) Rekambys is indicated - in combination with cabotegravir injection - for the treatment of HIV-1 infection in adults and adolescents (at least 12 years of age and weighing at least 35kg) who are virologically suppressed (HIV-1 RNA < 50 copies/mL) on a stable antiretroviral regimen without present or past evidence of viral resistance to, and no prior virological failure with, agents of the NNRTI and INI class. Rekambys should always be co-administered with a cabotegravir injection. The prescribing information for cabotegravir injection should be consulted for recommended dosing. Rekambys may be initiated with oral lead-in or without (direct to injection). Please consult the full Summary of Product Characteristics for all the safety information: Rekambys 600mg/900 mg prolonged-release suspension for injection About Cabenuva (cabotegravir + rilpivirine) Cabenuva is indicated as a complete regimen for the treatment of HIV-1 infection in adults and adolescents 12 years and older and weighing at least 35 kg to replace the current antiretroviral regimen in those who are virologically suppressed (HIV-1 RNA <50 c/ml) on a stable antiretroviral regimen with no history of treatment failure and with no known or suspected resistance to either cabotegravir or rilpivirine. The complete regimen combines the integrase strand transfer inhibitor (INSTI) cabotegravir, developed by ViiV Healthcare, with rilpivirine, a non-nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitor (NNRTI) developed by Janssen Sciences Ireland Unlimited Company. Rilpivirine tablets are approved in the US and when used with cabotegravir is indicated for short-term treatment of HIV-1 infection in adults and adolescents 12 years and older and weighing at least 35 kg who are virologically suppressed (HIV-1 RNA less than 50 copies/mL) on a stable regimen with no history of treatment failure and with no known or suspected resistance to either cabotegravir or rilpivirine. INSTIs inhibit HIV replication by preventing the viral DNA from integrating into the genetic material of human immune cells (T-cells). This step is essential in the HIV replication cycle and is also responsible for establishing chronic disease. Rilpivirine is an NNRTI that works by interfering with an enzyme called reverse transcriptase, which stops the virus from multiplying. Please consult the full Prescribing Information here. About Dovato (dolutegravir and lamivudine) Dovato is indicated as a complete regimen to treat HIV-1 infection in adults and adolescents above 12 years of age weighing at least 40kg, in the EU, and weighing at least 25kg in the US, with no antiretroviral (ARV) treatment history or to replace the current ARV regimen in those who are virologically suppressed (HIV-1 RNA <50 copies/mL) on a stable ARV regimen with no history of treatment failure and no known resistance to any component of Dovato. Please consult the full Summary of Product Characteristics for all the safety information: Dovato 50 mg/300 mg film-coated tablets. About ViiV Healthcare ViiV Healthcare is a global specialist HIV company established in November 2009 by GSK (LSE: GSK) and Pfizer (NYSE: PFE) dedicated to delivering advances in treatment and care for people living with HIV and for people who could benefit from HIV prevention. Shionogi became a ViiV shareholder in October 2012. The company's aims are to take a deeper and broader interest in HIV and AIDS than any company has done before and take a new approach to deliver effective and innovative medicines for HIV treatment and prevention, as well as support communities affected by HIV. For more information on the company, its management, portfolio, pipeline, and commitment, please visit About GSK GSK is a global biopharma company with a purpose to unite science, technology, and talent to get ahead of disease together. Find out more at Cautionary statement regarding forward-looking statements GSK cautions investors that any forward-looking statements or projections made by GSK, including those made in this announcement, are subject to risks and uncertainties that may cause actual results to differ materially from those projected. Such factors include, but are not limited to, those described in the "Risk Factors" section in GSK's Annual Report on Form 20-F for 2024, and GSK's Q1 Results for 2025. Registered in England & Wales: GSK plc ViiV Healthcare Limited No. 3888792 No. 06876960 Registered Office: 79 New Oxford Street ViiV Healthcare Limited London GSK Medicines Research Centre WC1A 1DG Gunnels Wood Road, Stevenage United Kingdom SG1 2NY References 1 F. Felizarta, et al. The power of choice: strong preference for CAB+RPV LA following rapid suppression with DTG/3TC in treatment naive people living with HIV. Presented at the International AIDS Society Conference (IAS 2025), 13-17 July, Kigali, RW. 2 F. Felizarta, et al. Perspectives of people living with HIV (PWH) 24 months following a switch to cabotegravir and rilpivirine long-acting (CAB+RPV LA) in an observational real-world US study (BEYOND). Presented at the International AIDS Society Conference (IAS 2025), 13-17 July, Kigali, RW. 3 G. Blick, et al. Clinical outcomes at month 24 after initiation of cabotegravir and rilpivirine long acting (CAB+RPV LA) in an observational real-world study (BEYOND). Presented at the International AIDS Society Conference (IAS 2025), 13-17 July, Kigali, RW. 4 C. Wyen, et al. 24-month outcomes of cabotegravir+rilpivirine long-acting every 2 months in a real‑world setting: effectiveness, adherence to injections, and participant-reported outcomes from people with HIV-1 in the German CARLOS cohort. Presented at the International AIDS Society Conference (IAS 2025), 13-17 July, Kigali, RW. 5 A. Pozniak, et al. High virologic suppression and few virologic failures with Long-Acting Cabotegravir + Rilpivirine in Treatment Experienced Virologically Suppressed Individuals from COMBINE-2 cohort in Europe. Presented at the International AIDS Society Conference (IAS 2025), 13-17 July, Kigali, RW. 6 R. Hsu, et al. Real-world effectiveness of CAB+RPV LA in individuals with HIV viremia at therapy initiation. Presented at the International AIDS Society Conference (IAS 2025), 13-17 July, Kigali, RW. 7 J. Altamirano, et al. Clinical outcomes among women in the OPERA cohort initiating CAB+RPV LA with viral loads ≥ 50 copies/mL. Presented at the International AIDS Society Conference (IAS 2025), 13-17 July, Kigali, RW. 8D. Dandachi, et al. One-year implementation outcomes of cabotegravir long-acting injectable PrEP in men who have sex with men (MSM) & transgender men (TGM): findings from the PILLAR study. Presented at the International AIDS Society Conference (IAS 2025), 13-17 July, Kigali, RW. 9 Z. Tims-Cook, et al. Health care provider experiences after 12 months of implementing cabotegravir long-acting injectable PrEP (CAB LA) for Black women: EBONI study results. Presented at the International AIDS Society Conference (IAS 2025), 13-17 July, Kigali, RW. View source version on Contacts ViiV Healthcare enquiries: Media:Rachel Jaikaran, +44 (0) 78 2352 3755, (London)Nicola André, +44 (0) 7845027166, (London)Melinda Stubbee, +1 919 491 0831, (North Carolina) GSK enquiries: Media:Tim Foley, +44 (0) 20 8047 5502, (London)Sarah Clements, +44 (0) 20 8047 5502, (London)Kathleen Quinn, +1 202 603 5003, (Washington DC)Lyndsay Meyer, +1 202 302 4595, (Washington DC)Alison Hunt, +1 540 742 3391, (Washington DC) Investor Relations:Constantin Fest, +44 (0) 7831 826525, (London)James Dodwell, +44 (0) 20 8047 2406, (London)Mick Readey, +44 (0) 7990 339653, (London)Steph Mountifield, +44 (0) 7796 707505, (London)Jeff McLaughlin, +1 215 751 7002, (Philadelphia)Frannie DeFranco, +1 215 751 3126, (Philadelphia) Error while retrieving data Sign in to access your portfolio Error while retrieving data Error while retrieving data Error while retrieving data Error while retrieving data
Yahoo
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GB Energy could fund solar panels on religious buildings, Miliband suggests
A scheme which will see solar panels placed on the roofs of hundreds of schools and hospitals could be expanded to include religious buildings, Ed Miliband has suggested. The Energy Secretary told the Commons he is 'enthusiastic' about widening the scope of Great British Energy's first major project, following an influx of requests to do so. A £200 million investment to put rooftop solar on schools and NHS sites was announced by the Government earlier this year, with the aim of saving hundreds of millions of pounds on energy bills and to free up cash to reinvest in frontline services. Councils and community groups will also receive funding to build local clean power projects, such as community-owned onshore wind, rooftop solar and hydropower in rivers, as part of the scheme. Speaking during a statement on climate and nature, Labour MP Sarah Owen (Luton North) said 'there is a huge part of our communities, the faith communities' who want to 'tackle' the climate and nature crisis. She added: 'So while we welcome Great British Energy's roll out of solar panels on hospitals and on schools, could he outline any support for religious buildings that also want to do the same?' Mr Miliband replied: 'Following the successful roll out to schools and hospitals, we've now got a lot of requests to expand this scheme, and I'm very enthusiastic about doing so, and it's something we're looking at.' Under the scheme, around £80 million will support 200 schools and £100 million will go to 200 NHS sites in England. Scotland will get £4.85 million, Wales £2.88 million and Northern Ireland £1.62 million for power projects including community energy and rooftop solar for public buildings. During the statement on Monday, Mr Miliband also pledged to deal with the 'grid zombies'. This came in response to Labour MP Ruth Cadbury (Brentford and Isleworth), who asked: 'What steps is the Energy Secretary making to prioritise grid connections, and will he commit to reforming the grid queuing system so that projects essential to decarbonise our transport sector are brought forward more quickly?' He replied: 'We are dealing with the zombies, the grid zombies, the zombie queue, and that reordering of the queue is precisely designed to open up the queue to projects like the ones she talked about. 'And my honourable friend, the energy minister, is having a series of round tables with DfT (Department for Transport) on precisely this subject.'
Yahoo
2 hours ago
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I was 17 when my boyfriend pulled out chunks of my hair. His abuse still haunts me at 43
As I sit in the hairdresser's chair, she lifts some strands of hair to look at the condition, and I freeze. I can already feel beads of sweat starting to form on my back. She asks, 'Been a while since you've had it cut?' I nod. It's been 10 months. I say, 'I've got a sensitive scalp, so can you be careful while washing it, please?' What I don't tell the hairdresser is that I dread anyone touching my head because 25 years ago, the man I loved ripped chunks of hair out while he was throwing me down the stairs. All because I didn't tell him I was going on a night out. For years, I wouldn't set foot inside a salon without taking a beta blocker I was prescribed by my GP for situational anxiety. I grit my teeth as she lathers the shampoo, trying not to think of the sharp pain and tingling I was left with when he yanked my hair so hard that he left me with a bald spot. It has got easier to deal with my hair being touched by strangers, but I never expected painful memories to be triggered so long after the relationship had ended. According to the charity Safe Lives, two-thirds of domestic abuse survivors experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – more than twice the rate experienced by soldiers in combat. New research from the University of Glasgow has found that women who experienced physical abuse in the context of domestic violence risk ongoing mental health disorders despite the exposure to domestic violence having ceased, on average, 27 years before assessment. I met Colin at work when I was 17, and he was 33 (which, to everyone except me, was a huge red flag). I thought I was wise beyond my years, and Colin was everything I was looking for in a mate: strong, funny, intelligent and charming. After a few months of working together, we shared our first kiss on the way home from after-work drinks. He showered me with affection and attention; when we weren't at work, he called and texted constantly, which was flattering at first. Our relationship escalated quickly, and we were living together within three months. It took about six months before Colin became violent, but in the meantime, he had begun to manipulate and control every aspect of my life in ways that were nearly imperceptible at the time. We shared a bank account, but I was scatty and kept 'losing' my debit card, so he persuaded me it would be easier for him to give me a weekly cash allowance. I now think Colin was hiding my card all along. We worked together, so we spent every waking moment in each other's company. He would subtly belittle me in front of colleagues, picking on my insecurities and reinforcing every negative thought I ever had about myself. He poisoned me against my family (who could sense early on that he was bad news), causing an estrangement that would take years to heal. When my friends invited me out, he would guilt me into staying home, often claiming to be unwell. Friends stopped reaching out, and I became increasingly reliant on Colin. As this was my first serious relationship, I had no frame of reference or clue that his behaviour was troubling. The first act of violence happened at Christmas. Colin was sick with the flu, and I'd decided to go to the office Christmas party on a whim without telling him. When I returned to our flat, I discovered I was locked out. I battered at the door, and when Colin opened it, I saw his face twisted into a shape I didn't recognise. He was drunk, and I knew immediately that he was going to hurt me. He hissed, 'You've been with another man, haven't you, you sl-t?' as he grabbed me by the hair and threw me down a short flight of stairs. I banged my head hard, and it took me a minute to get back on my feet. When I did, Colin was standing before me with a chunk of my hair in his hand. Sobbing, I told him, 'I was at the Christmas party, ask anyone in the office,' but he just kept calling me a sl-t. I staggered down the stairs and into the cold December night. I had no idea where to go, I wasn't speaking to my parents, I didn't have any friends I could call. I just sat at a bus stop and wept. After about an hour, I heard footsteps and saw Colin. I cowered, thinking he was going to hurt me, and he started crying. 'I'm so sorry, baby. I don't know what came over me. I am so scared you're going to leave me.' He knelt at my feet and begged for forgiveness, and I found myself comforting him, even after what he'd done to me. He was a master manipulator and lured me back with promises that he'd change, and it would never happen again. But it did. We lived together peacefully for months at a time, then, as soon as he'd drunk too much or had a hard day, the violent rage would return. I lived in hypervigilance, barely talking in case I said something that would trigger Colin's rage. I lived in shame, not telling anyone about the abuse because I believed what was happening to me was my fault. I drank heavily, sank into a deep depression and would often feel disappointed to wake up in the morning. People ask, 'Why didn't you leave?' and I did try. The main issue was that I had nowhere to go. Shelters were full, I still wasn't in a good place with my family, and I had no money. When I did pluck up the courage to leave at age 20, he threatened to take his own life unless I came back to him, another manipulation tactic. In the end, it took three aborted attempts before I left for good, after one final eruption of violence that left me physically scarred and fearing for my life. When I left, I told him if he ever contacted me again, I would phone the police, and he could see that I meant it. I arrived on my parents' doorstep with my life in two bin bags and my mental health in tatters. Leaving was the easy part. Living with what had happened to me was much harder. I lived in a state of near-permanent anxiety and had flashbacks at unexpected moments, like in the hairdresser's chair when my head jerked back as the brush found a tug in my hair. I was right back to that December night, cowering in fear, my scalp on fire. When I had a wisdom tooth extraction, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for over a week because my swollen, bruised face reminded me of a previous attack. I tried to push the memories down and get on with my life. After some time by myself, I started dating again, but found myself not only distrusting the men I met, but also my instincts. I had initially fallen for what I thought was a great guy, who turned out to be anything but, and was worried I was a terrible judge of character. However, at 21, I met Ronnie, a sweet man who was gentle, kind and understanding. We were married within six months of meeting, much to the surprise of everyone who knew us. I rushed into marriage partly to draw a line under my past because this new relationship came with a new surname and a move to a different city. My husband encouraged me to seek therapy because he had grown up in an abusive household and knew the lasting impact domestic violence could have. I had six sessions of NHS therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD, but that short course of treatment didn't 'fix' me. The therapy brought up a lot of intense and painful emotions, and I felt like I'd never be able to move past what happened to me. I didn't sleep properly for weeks after therapy finished. I felt hopeless and withdrew from my husband and my family, calling in sick to work and spending my days locked in the house, scared to go outside. I began to drink quite heavily one afternoon, pulling all the booze out to the cupboards that I could find. I wanted the pain to go away, and I would do anything I could to make it stop. I started raiding the medicine cabinet for painkillers, popping two handfuls of paracetamol into my mouth and washing them down with wine. I wanted to die. At first, I felt relieved; my pain would soon be over. Then I thought of my family and the people who loved me. I couldn't face the thought of living any more, but I wasn't ready to leave them. I called my husband and told him what I'd done, and he rushed home from work to take me to the hospital, where I promptly threw up all over the waiting room. After some blood tests, the hospital discharged me with a number for the crisis team, whom I was to check in with for the next few weeks, and who encouraged me to be more open with loved ones about how I was feeling. I hadn't been honest about the extent of the abuse, even with my family, so I sat them down and explained how bad things had been, and why I had decided that death was preferable to living with the pain. They were shocked, but started to understand more about how that relationship had forever altered me. Sharing my story with them helped to unload some of the shame I had felt over the relationship. I thought I had deserved what had happened to me, that I had provoked Colin to behave like that, but it was never my fault. I went back to suppressing my pain, mainly by drinking too much. My marriage ended after three years, partly because I had a paranoid mistrust of my husband. Every time my husband did something nice, I felt there had to be an ulterior motive because Colin was never kind for no reason. I've worked hard to rebuild my life after abuse, but have struggled with romantic relationships. Giving so much space and energy to mistrusting and second-guessing a potential partner's every move was exhausting, and I knew I needed to take a break from dating. I haven't been in a long-term relationship since my mid-20s. However, I am open to dating in the future. I've attended therapy on and off for years and began seeing a regular therapist in 2022, who referred me for specialist trauma therapy called eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR). Instead of talking in detail about a distressing issue, EMDR instead focuses on changing the emotions, thoughts or behaviours that result from a distressing experience. Change didn't happen overnight, but the trauma no longer affects me as viscerally as it once did. I thought I was doing much better, but then, last November, I found out Colin had died. You'd think I'd be relieved. It was over; he could never hurt me again. I made an emergency therapy appointment because I found that I was sad about his death. I couldn't understand why until the therapist explained I had spent a lot of our early sessions saying, 'If only he had changed, maybe we could have been happy,' but that was a fantasy. I could never have forced Colin to change; he had to decide to change on his own. Perhaps I was mourning a version of him that didn't exist. Since Colin's death, I feel like I've turned a corner, mainly because the monster who haunted my nightmares wouldn't be coming back to get me. I am taking care of myself a lot better now; I quit drinking eight years ago and am trying my best to shed the heavy weight of past abuse and rebuild trust in others. I'm dating again, but I'm not putting any pressure on myself to find 'the one'. My life revolves around my friends, family, and my dog, a three-year-old spaniel named Bonnie, who gives me a reason to get outside as much as possible, which massively benefits my mental health. Things are less fraught when I go for a haircut, thanks to deep breathing exercises and restricting my trips to the hairdresser to twice a year. I hope I'll get to a point where the pain of the past won't be my whole narrative but rather a line in a chapter of my life story. Perhaps one day I will even enjoy trips to the salon. Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
