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Metro
39 minutes ago
- Metro
7 traits in your partner that prove they'll be a good parent
When you're dating at a certain age, it's a question that'll inevitably come up fairly early on: 'Do you want children?' If you're both on the same page about parenthood, you might've caught yourself wondering how both you and your partner will fare if you welcome your first little one. You might have a list of baby names at the ready, have rough timelines in mind for when you want to conceive, or even have envisaged how you'll decorate the baby's room. But realistically, is it possible to know whether your other half will be a good parent before they become one? And how do you know if they're the right parenting partner for you? Sure, they look after you when you're sick, they're a whizz in the kitchen, and they have a great sense of humour, but how useful actually are these traits in practice? Metro chatted to an expert to find out. As Julia Goodall, clinical psychologist at Grounded Families, tells Metro, it's not always possible to fully predict how you or your partner will be as parents simply because there are 'so many moving parts.' 'Parenting relationships are impacted by each child, their health, temperament and how well you get on with them as people,' Julia explains. 'Parents often struggle with children who remind them of parts of themselves they don't like or find difficult to accept — this can hugely impact their ability to parent these parts of their children.' Before you have children, Julia recommends asking yourself – and your partner – what you both believe the point of parenting is. In her view, some people will see it as their mission to ensure their children are 'kind, considerate people,' while others might view it more as 'giving them the circumstances in which they are most likely to thrive.' With this in mind, she advises being 'clear about what your beliefs are' as well as 'what you'll bring to parenting, as it's never a neutral experience.' 'Your belief will deeply impact what you feel is important and what you prioritise for your children,' Julia reminds us. That said, there are a few possible indicators of ideal personality traits in a parent, from emotional intelligence to communication. If they're constantly losing their temper while trying to find a parking space, or can't wait in a queue for five minutes, take note. You don't want to end up parenting two children – one of them being your partner. Your partner's relationship with their own emotional intelligence is key in suggesting how easily they might adapt to parenthood. How do they speak about and experience their emotions? Are they able to practise empathy and put themselves in other people's shoes? It's an even bigger green flag if they've been to therapy to process 'what they struggle with, how they can support themselves, and understand what they bring from their own family of origin.' As Julia explains, emotional regulation might also show up in your partner's relationships with other people, as well as with things like food, alcohol and money. 'The most important thing here is insight and responsiveness. We don't need to be perfect, but we do need a good map of who we are as people and what we need to support ourselves in life,' she notes. Your partner's relationship with conflict can also hold up a mirror to their parenting potential. How do your arguments play out? Are they able to accept differences without completely shutting down? As Julia explains, these are patterns which will have 'developed during childhood and might be a mixture of learned behaviours and their felt sense of safety in relationships.' However, don't worry if you are accustomed to an argument or two every now and then, as conflict can be 'normal and healthy,' so long as mutual respect is given and communication is practised throughout. Speaking of communication, it's imperative that they're able to reflect their feelings to you. And, as Julia notes, it might be much easier to uphold this in a work setting than it is to transfer this mentality to relationships, when your body is more likely to be 'flooded with emotions and stress hormones.' 'Can they make their beliefs and feelings known without shaming or diminishing yours? Communication is key to parenting, both with each other and with your child,' she believes. 'Who does the school run or takes sick leave when children are ill are two of thousands of tiny daily decisions you'll have to make as parents, and you'll need to be able to have these discussions to figure this out.' If they can take the stress out of a situation by diffusing it with laughter, they could be an ideal parent. Parenting can be unpredictable, and in Julia's view, humour and play are 'hugely underrated markers of a flexible parent.' 'Can they be silly and play? This secret ingredient shows us a partner can be vulnerable and doesn't take themselves too seriously,' she explains. 'Life can be hard and messy, and someone who can find lightness and joy in everyday moments offers a bit of magic to the mundanity of raising small children together.' Whether it's sticking up for themselves in a social situation or recognising and owning their imperfections, practising self-compassion and self-care are also critical. 'Self-compassion shows that your partner has an understanding that they are imperfect and can forgive themselves when they make mistakes,' Julia shares. 'This makes them less likely to be critical of others, and to be able to extend compassion to you and your children. 'Self-care in a partner shows an awareness that daily actions of care are cumulative and important actions to take to remain healthy and happy. 'We want partners who are able to care for themselves, so that you're not parenting children and a partner.' Parenting can land you in some sticky, last-minute situations – and sometimes, you'll just have to get creative. If they can 'think of and execute a meal from the bottom of the fridge ingredients,' Julia reckons you could be onto a winner. No need to ask what's for dinner, because they'll just take the initiative and start cooking. More Trending If they'll cheerfully eat cold Bolognese, even better, as Julia reckons that 'cold meals after kids is the norm and can chip away at surprisingly even the best of moods.' You can't always do everything by yourself – and that sometimes extends to parenting, too. Julia reckons it's a huge green flag if your partner 'knows when to stop to ask for directions,' as sometimes, admitting defeat can actually be an indicator of relative confidence. Extra points if they wield an Allen key and build IKEA furniture without losing their cool – because if you can cope with the complicated intricacies of Swedish flatpack, you can master the most challenging of parenting situations, right? Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: My husband's devastating secret made me throw up — but I can't leave him MORE: Despite having our miracle baby, I still feel infertile MORE: We've been called abusive for raising our kids as 'night owls' who stay up until 2am Your free newsletter guide to the best London has on offer, from drinks deals to restaurant reviews.
Daily Mail
40 minutes ago
- Daily Mail
You're using your dishwasher WRONG! Experts reveal the surprising items you should never put in there
At the end of a big meal there's nothing better than being able to put all the dirty cutlery in the dishwasher. At the press of a button, everything comes out clean and sparkling – even the grubbiest of dishes. But you've likely been using the appliance wrong, it turns out. Experts from Which? have compiled a list of unexpected items than you can and can't put in the dishwasher. They have revealed some common mistakes that could be ruining your items – and some surprising things you can safely put in. 'Before you start throwing in anything and everything, there are certain items where handwashing is always best,' Andrew Laughlin, principal researcher at the consumer brand said. His tips can help 'avoid having to replace items that aren't dishwasher safe'. So, are you guilty of the following errors? KITCHEN KNIVES 'While steel and ceramic knives are safe in the dishwasher and won't tarnish, the heat can make the blade more prone to dulling,' he said. 'It's better to wash them by hand to avoid having to sharpen them more often – and it will ensure they last longer and stay in great condition.' The same goes for blender blades, he explained, which can also dull over time and make your smoothies less smooth. WOODEN SPOONS AND CHOPPING BOARDS It may come as a surprise to some but anything wooden can't go in the dishwasher, Mr Laughlin said. 'Regardless of what type of wood it is, the high heat of a dishwasher will cause it to splinter and split, and any cracks are ideal breeding grounds for bacteria.' He said wooden items should be washed by hand but not submerged in water for too long. Lingering odours or stains could be treated by sprinkling some salt onto the board and scrubbing with half a lemon. NON–STICK ANYTHING AND SOME BAKING TRAYS Putting non–stick pans in the dishwasher can wear down the non–stick surface over time, he explained. Instead, these should be washed and dried by hand. While baking trays made of stainless steel or anodised aluminium are fine, cast iron or regular aluminium will need hand–washing. CRYSTAL OR MILK GLASSES Crystal can be expensive, and the best way to preserve it is by avoiding the dishwasher, Mr Laughlin said, adding: 'If you're adamant, choose a very mild detergent or look for one approved for crystal or cut–glass use. 'Place the crystal in the top rack of the dishwasher and make sure that the glasses do not touch one another. Then use a delicate cycle, which washes at a lower temperature to protect items.' Milk glass, meanwhile, can be chipped by knocking against other plates in the wash. Using the dishwasher might also cause it to turn slightly yellow over time. COPPER, ALUMINIUM OR CAST–IRON COOKWARE If you want to keep your prized copper cookware shiny, it's best to wash by hand as the harshness of the dishwasher can cause surfaces to dull. Meanwhile, detergent can cause aluminium to tarnish and turn black. 'If you're not sure, it's better to be safe than sorry, so keep your Le Creuset out of the dishwasher,' Mr Laughlin said. INSULATED COFFEE MUGS OR WATER BOTTLES The vacuum seal – a very important part of insulated items – could be damaged in the dishwasher. This could make insulation worse, preventing them from keeping your drinks hot or cool, or it could make them prone to leaking. 'While some coffee cups and travel mugs can be popped into a dishwasher on the top shelf, others need to be washed by hand, so always check the packaging or the manufacturer's website,' he said. Finally, while the actual pot of a pressure cooker can go in the dishwasher, a lid should always be hand washed. 'The high heat and water jets could damage the seal mechanism, making the actual pressure part of your pressure cooker obsolete,' he said. 'It could even make using your pressure cooker dangerous if the safety mechanisms are faulty.' Mr Laughlin also revealed a list of unusual items that can safely be put in the dishwasher, including make–up brushes, plastic hairbrushes, toothbrush holders and soap trays. The dishwasher can also come in handy for cleaning vacuum cleaner attachments and refrigerator shelves and drawers. Many baby items can also be cleaned in the dishwasher – and some models even come with high–heat programs specifically for this. 'These programs are often promoted as leaving dishes germ–free or sterilised,' he said. 'However, we wouldn't recommend that you rely on your dishwasher for sterilising items for very young babies. 'Use an alternative method instead.' Mr Laughlin has also previous shared advice on the correct way to stack a dishwasher. This includes never rinsing the plates and placing the dirtiest dishes on the bottom rack. Not overloading is also important, he said, to allow the water to circulate properly. Engineers devise VERY controversial method for loading the dishwasher Loading the dishwasher can be a sore subject. Everyone claims to have perfected their own foolproof 'technique', yet no two methods are the same. But in 2015, scientists ruffled a few feathers when they claimed to have devised the definitive way to organise a dishwasher's racks. The University of Birmingham engineers tracked water movement inside dishwashers before concluding that plates should be arranged in a circle. However, carbohydrate–stained dishes should be at the centre, they said, while protein–stained dishes should be around the edge. Carbohydrate–based stains need the full force of the water jets to get clean, while protein based foods need more contact with the chemical detergent. However, they warned that due to the way baskets are currently designed, this may prove to be difficult.
The Guardian
40 minutes ago
- The Guardian
‘Soul-destroying': Samaritans volunteers blindsided by proposed closures
At the Walsall branch of Samaritans, it has been a tough few years of campaigning for the funds needed to replace the now leaky portable cabin they have operated out of for the past 60 years. After raising almost £300,000, they are on the home stretch towards reaching their final goal, and being able to replace the building they use to help local people in the depths of crisis. Then came the shock announcement from Samaritans central office: that it proposes to close at least half of its 200 branches across the UK and Ireland in the next 10 years. One member of the Walsall team said: 'We just don't know what to do now. Do we carry on? It's soul-destroying.' Dozens of branches across the country have raised alarm at the charity's 'in principle' decisions, which are still under consultation until the board of trustees meet in September, fearing it could lead to a loss of volunteers and morale. These include moving volunteers into larger regional hubs, which some fear will create a 'call-centre-style' model, and piloting remote call handling. Volunteers at the Walsall branch said they had been blindsided by the news. 'We had an event last week and someone else had raised £1,000 for us, and we didn't know what to do. Do we take the money? Because we know now that our branch could be closed,' one volunteer, who asked to remain anonymous, said. 'Every step of the way, central office have known exactly what we're doing. And we've got this money and we're very concerned about whether it has been ringfenced for the building. Because that is what it was raised for.' She said the portable cabin they had used for decades had slowly fallen into disrepair and was in dire need of replacement. 'At one point we were frightened to use the toilet because the floor was going to give way,' she said. They originally set out to raise £250,000 in 2023 but were advised by Samaritans central office earlier this year to revise their target up to £320,000 due to rising building costs. They received many donations from other branches, the volunteer said, as well as from members of the public. Samaritans central office said it was in discussion with the Walsall branch on its possible options. A number of Samaritans listening volunteers said they were worried the charity was spending too much of its funding on staff salaries, at the expense of the branches run by unpaid volunteers. The average number of paid employees at the charity has increased from 277 in 2022 to 305 in 2024, and more than £15m of the charity's total income of £24.6m went on wages last year. Of the 201 Samaritans branches, 144 are affiliated organisations that are separate legal entities with their own financial accounts, who organise their own fundraising and give a portion of the money they raise to the central office. Volunteers said they were told that last year these affiliate branches received a total income of £11.1m and spent £9.3m. The charity's central office said that money was not the primary reason for proposing to close branches, and that ultimately it wanted to reduce fragmentation across its service, although volunteers had reported having to spend more time and effort maintaining the buildings they operated in. Sign up to First Edition Our morning email breaks down the key stories of the day, telling you what's happening and why it matters after newsletter promotion In a video sent to the charity's 20,000 volunteers, the Samaritans CEO, Julie Bentley, said: 'Much of the money that is currently raised from the public in the name of Samaritans is necessarily going into maintaining these bricks and mortar, rather than being used to improve our services.' Volunteers have been told the charity could not provide an 'overall figure' for how much money is spent on buildings. Many said they were also worried about a potential exodus of volunteers who may not want to continue their shifts if forced to travel to a branch further away, or work from home. This year, the Folkestone, Dover and Hythe branch was closed after a safeguarding issue, with only six of the 55 listening volunteers based there choosing to move to another branch. 'People love being a listener, I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to people, so integral to who they are. And they are really devastated, but they can't continue,' said Nicola Ellingham, a former IT support volunteer at the branch. 'They can't get to the other branches. They're just too far away. And they feel they've been let down.' The former Labour strategist turned political commentator Alastair Campbell, who has spoken openly about his mental health, said he was worried by the plans as Samaritans was 'very much a branch organisation'. 'The branches give resources to the centre,' he said on The Rest is Politics podcast. 'The thing that is really unique about the Samaritans, sometimes they're called the fourth emergency service. There is something very special about them.' His co-host, the former Conservative minister Rory Stewart, said: 'This sounds like they're going down the wrong path. I'm sure providing advice to people works best when you have a local branch network that understands local conditions. I'm sure they're underestimating what they'll lose in fundraising from these voluntary branches. Most charities that have gone down this path … have regretted it and ended up killing a lot of the spirit and soul of the organisation in the process.' Samaritans has been approached for comment.
