Commons at pompous worst as Afghan data breach proves too much bother for Badenoch

The Guardian

5 days ago

For a moment it felt as if the dam might be about to burst. To let the anger in. On Tuesday, the Commons had been at its most pompous, most clubbable worst. Drowning in self-righteousness as the defence secretary, John Healey, gave a statement on the leaked Afghan email, the superinjunction and the £850m bill to the taxpayer. It was deeply regrettable, MPs on all sides agreed, but in the end probably just one of those things. Best to move on and not rock the boat. Parliament at its best and all that.
On Wednesday, we got to hear Keir Starmer's view on the scandal in his opening remarks at prime minister's questions. He seemed to have moved on from Healey's acquiescent cover-up. Yes, Labour in opposition had shared the previous government's commitment to protecting Afghans who had worked for the UK army, but he had consistently warned of the Tories' handling of the crisis. The failings were manifold and former ministers had a great deal to answer for. The gloves were off. This was a party political issue.
And that was the last we heard about the cover-up. Kemi Badenoch had nothing to say about it at all. Not even in passing. Maybe she didn't think it was that important. After all she couldn't be bothered to attend an urgent security briefing about it back in March. Yes, she is that lazy. She only got to find out on Monday. But then almost everything is too much bother for Kemi. God knows what would happen if she wound up in Downing Street. Luckily, no one is about to find out.
Or maybe she didn't want to land Ben Wallace and Grant Shapps in it. On their watch, there had been several data breaches. It was almost embedded as part of the system. She could even have had a go at Robert Jenrick, who as immigration minister had been responsible for running a secret scheme to admit Afghans into the country while at the same time building a career based on hostility towards foreigners. Then Tories seem able to live with that level of hypocrisy.
Whatever. Kemi kept silent. But what of the backbenchers? Surely one of them would have wanted to have their say on a cover-up that had not only been kept secret from parliament and the public but from the very people whose data had been leaked. I guess the thinking was it's best not to know if a Taliban death squad is after you. No. Not one of them. Not even Tory Lincoln Jopp, who picked up a Military Cross on active service and commanded the Scots guards in Afghanistan in 2010. Afghans? Lincoln didn't remember them. Not today.
It makes you wonder why these people went into politics in the first place. Was it really to be lobby fodder for the whips? To do as they are told on the off-chance they get a promotion to minister or shadow minister? Is that the summit of their ambition? A gleaming red box and the occasional use of a shiny black limo?
This was a huge, huge story. A government using a superinjunction for far longer than was necessary. Not to protect the men and women whose data had been leaked: that information had almost certainly ended up in the hands of the Taliban years ago. But to cover up the previous Tory government's blushes. Not just the leak but their embarrassment of running a secret immigration scheme at the time they were encouraging everyone to hate foreigners. So if not this, what do backbenchers care about? What will wake them from their comatose state?
The kindest thing that can be said about the rest of this week's episode of PMQs was that it was like a third rate panto coming near to the end of its run with its two stars merely going through the motions. Affected anger, pre-cooked put-down and a general lack of interest. Summer recess can't come soon enough for Keir and Kemi. They have both long since run out of ideas. Just counting down the days till the Commons packs up on Tuesday.
Kemi basically reused the same questions she had used at the last three PMQs. She may be a climate sceptic but she thinks highly of recycling her own ideas. Ideal for someone who has made a virtue of never doing more than was strictly necessary. Why go the extra mile when you can stay in bed picking fights on X? It also says a lot about her ambition. It hasn't been as if her last three outings at the dispatch box have been a great success. More like a scoreless draw.
But we are where we are. Two leaders who would quite like to be anywhere but in the Commons on a Wednesday lunchtime. Kemi going on and on about how the economy had been in tiptop shape last summer and had been tanking steadily since Labour took over. Keir going on and on about the dreadful legacy Labour had been left and how things were now basically looking up. You could take your pick. Maybe things had never been that great and still weren't.
Not for the first time, one of the more interesting contributions came from Ed Davey. He talked of war crimes in Gaza and suggested Benjamin Netanyahu should be hit with sanctions. Starmer was like a rabbit in the headlights. He keeps saying how appalled he is, but his appalledness never reaches a level where he is actually moved to do anything about it. You can imagine him standing by an aid truck doing nothing while the IDF take pot shots at children, tears in his eyes as he says how appalled he is.
The rest is best forgotten. Graham Stuart trying to be funny by comparing the Labour manifesto to The Salt Path and asking Starmer to name his summer read. It would be nice to report that Starmer said Taking the Lead by John Crace but he couldn't think that fast on his feet. Jopp also fancied himself as a comedian by suggesting Jofra Archer and the England Test win showed Labour needed more pace and less spin. A gag that died on its arse as it was spin bowler Shoaib Bashir who took the winning wicket. Recess can't come a minute too soon.