High IQ people may think something is wrong with them

Yahoo

16-06-2025

Teachers gave special attention to the intellectually gifted Mel Jäger ever since the first grade - without making the young student "stand out."
"There was no outing: the IQ test didn't change anything in my life," says Jäger, now 34, and a board member of the German chapter of the Mensa association for the highly gifted. To be accepted to the group you need an IQ of at least 130.
However not every Mensa member gets such good support. Quite a few feel held back or that they rub people the wrong way, and have been bullied.
Sometimes those with a high IQ think they are the problem, Mensa members said in a meeting of the group in Mainz in western Germany.
Some only come to realize during psychotherapy that their problems are related to their giftedness.
Mensa has many gifted people recognized later in life
"All my life I thought I had a screw loose," says an engineer from the Ruhr area, who wants to remain anonymous except for his first name, Peter. After taking the IQ test at the age of 54, he only then understood "why I was always an intellectual outsider and lonely."
At work, he usually had to take a back seat. "I did everything on the side to get ahead. That was 30 years of hard work," says Peter, 59.
"Late bloomers make up a huge part of our community," says Sybille Beyer, spokeswoman for Mensa Germany. That feeling of relief after finding out they have a high IQ happens often, she says.
It's the feeling that "I'm not wrong, I'm just different." She says it's similar to Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale of the ugly duckling that wanders around, feeling like he doesn't fit in - until he stumbles upon a flock of swans and realizes he's not a duck but a beautiful swan.
Beyer, 61, knows what they are talking about. In primary school, she taught herself to read, was top of the class for years, but was held back.
"Nah, I'm not taking you on now, you always know everything anyway," she says, describing her experience with teachers. Later, she often had the feeling that, as a person, she was "always running into a brick wall."
A book about highly gifted people that she got from her hairdresser was the turning point for Beyer. She was already 53 years old at the time. "As I read, I thought, someone is writing about my life," she says. And her relief: "You can throw off all the guilt about not being able to fit in."
Expert: Highly intelligent people on average more satisfied
"On average, highly intelligent people get through school, college and training better, are more successful in their careers, and are healthier and happier in life than non-highly gifted people," says Detlef H Rost, an emeritus psychology professor at the University of Marburg.
"So giftedness is more of a protective factor than a risk factor for development and coping with life," he says.
"It is not giftedness itself that leads to problems for a person, but the behaviour displayed" – and that of their important caregivers, Rost says.
Good standardized tests are "very meaningful" in Rost's view. They are even among the best diagnostic tools in psychology.
Highly gifted people have an IQ of at least 130
Of the roughly 70 million adults living in Germany, around 1.4 million are highly gifted, says Rost. According to its own figures, the Mensa association, founded in 1979, now has more than 18,000 members, making it the largest network for highly intelligent people in Germany. That means the vast majority are not organized in an association.
"Here you can develop acquaintances you can work with immediately - within five minutes or after two sentences," says Peter from the Ruhr area. The realization that she is highly gifted has changed her private life, reports Beyer. Mensa helped her find her way out of loneliness.
The average age of Mensa members in Germany is around 38, says Jäger, who prefers plural pronouns. Around two-thirds are men and one-third women, with the proportion of diverse people growing.
The professional field is diverse, and the number of members is increasing significantly, partly because autism and ADHD are being tested more frequently and the IQ is often determined from those tests, says Jäger.
"You meet interesting people here and learn unexpected things that you would never come across otherwise," says Annette, 54, who does not want to give her last name. She's learned about tax returns, elementary physics, archaeology and artificialintelligence from the group, she says.
"You get very interesting ideas here," says another Mensa member named Peter, from Cologne, talking about a 62-kilometre route in Nepal to Mount Everest Basecamp. The computer scientist is now studying physics so that he won't get bored after retirement.
There are many facets to giftedness, says Beyer. The Mensa association's activities are therefore very diverse. Both the regulars' tables and the German meetings, such as the one in Mainz, welcome non-members. "It's not as if you're a completely different person with an IQ of 130 or more."
Global links too
Mensa members say a few preferences and behaviours are often found among the highly gifted: fast speech, an aversion to "meaningless small talk" but a tendency to jump quickly from topic to topic in conversations – and a penchant for tricky games.
"Loud noises, harsh light, too many people, a mad rush – that's something that many of us find very difficult to take," reports Beyer. And younger people in particular usually seek contact with older people.
Annette, a pharmacist, has daughters who are also highly gifted. She can't say whether this makes family life easier. "At any rate, we've put up a 'nerd sanctuary' sign at home."
"Mensa is my chosen family," says Jäger from Münster. "You come into contact with people you wouldn't otherwise have known."
This applies worldwide, as the umbrella organization has 150,000 members.
"With the Couchsurfing programme, for example, you can find a place to stay anywhere at any time," says Jäger. They have already planned their entire holiday with Mensa members from around the world.