Teen daughter of man killed by her mother talks about growing up around domestic violence

Sunday World

2 days ago

Ellie Ryan was just 15 when she held her father in her arms as he lay dying outside their home in Balbriggan, Dublin on August 11, 2024
The teenage daughter whose mother killed her father has spoken about the effects domestic violence has on children.
Ellie Ryan was just 15 when she held her father in her arms as he lay dying outside their home in Balbriggan, north Dublin on August 11, 2024.
Earlier this month, Ellie's mother, Olesja Hertova, who admitted to forcefully pushing James Ryan, causing a fall that led to his death, was sentenced to two years and nine months in prison, backdated to last August.
Mr Ryan, who had three grown-up children with his now deceased wife, also had one daughter with Hertova, his partner of 17 years.
That daughter, Ellie, has told of the impact that domestic violence has on children as she urged others who find themselves in a similar situation to seek help.
Ellie Ryan speaking out
News in 90 Seconds - Aug 8th
"I held his hand,' Ellie recalled. 'I will never forget it. He said, 'Ellie, I want to go home,' but I knew it was bad."
The now 16-year-old told presenter Miriam O'Callaghan in an interview on Prime Time on RTÉ that if you're a child living with fear or violence, 'please know this: you are not alone'.
Mr Ryan, a former Defence Forces member, was pushed by her mother, Olesja Hertova, during a violent row outside their home.
However, it emerged that he had suffered years of hidden abuse before his death which Ellie said 'no child should ever have to witness in their life'.
Ellie who now lives with her older sisters Karen and Lynn Ryan, said she wanted to speak publicly to help other young people living in a similar situation.
"I want to say, you are not alone. I've been through this. There is help out there. You can get better, if you just reach out," Ellie said.
Ellie's dad James
Ellie told Prime Time she and her father were very close.
"We would go on drives together. We would listen to music, have conversations. We would go to KFC, we would just drive around and we'd have a good time together."
But inside the house, Ellie says she lived in fear, as there were multiple different incidents 'where I would see my mother starting arguments with my father'.
'Whether this be physical or emotional, verbal. She would just always start arguments with him. This would happen maybe once or twice a week," Ellie said.
From a young age, she says, she learned to suppress her emotions.
"I coped by bottling my feelings up and keeping it all inside, I think I was afraid to reach out and say something to someone.
'It's scary as a child when you go through that you feel really trapped. You feel like you have nowhere to go, you're just stuck," she added.
Ellie said she often felt she was the one trying to hold everything together.
"I used to feel like I was the parent in the relationship. I was like the mother in that relationship."
James Ryan never told his older children, from his previous marriage, what was happening inside his home.
Only after James 'Shey' Ryan was killed did his family learn the extent of the domestic abuse he was suffering at the hands of his long-term partner.
'After my father was killed, the investigating garda asked me, 'Did you know your father had two safety orders against Olesja?' My mouth dropped open,' his daughter Karen Ryan told The Irish Independent.
'But he didn't activate these safety orders. We didn't know she had been abusing our father.'
The night James was attacked, Karen said he walked out of the house with his phone light on as there were no street lights.
"She ran at him, pushed him forcefully, his head bounced off the ground twice."
Ellie who found him moments later stayed by her father's side as neighbours called for paramedics after coming upon the scene.
James Ryan never recovered and his life support was turned off the following evening. Karen and Lynn, along with his adult son and his sisters, stayed by his bedside.
None of them had known the full extent of what had been happening until then.
When Mr Ryan struck up a relationship with Hertova after meeting her socially in Balbriggan, his daughter, Karen, had some reservations.
Karen and Lynn Ryan
On one occasion Mr Ryan was minding Karen's two young children and when she drove to her father's home to collect them, she found them all standing outside the house in the rain.
'That's when I knew something wasn't right. I knocked on the door. She [Hertova] thought I was my dad and shouted out, 'F**k off, you're not getting back in'.
'Who leaves their partner and two little kids out in the lashing rain? But my dad would always defend her.'
Ellie and her sisters say the court never heard about the years of abuse her father endured.
"I feel like his voice was completely silenced and as if his voice was just swept under the carpet," Ellie said.
For Ellie, her mother's sentence brought about a deep sense of injustice.
It's just completely unfair. And it doesn't show the amount of pain that our family has endured or the amount of years that my dad has suffered through my mother's abuse," she said.
In a message to other children who may be living through what she did, Ellie said: "I was scared; I was worried, and that's why I'd like to speak up now, to help other children feel less alone. You deserve to be loved and feel protected.
"If you're a child living with fear or violence, please know this: you are not alone. You can get help and reach out to services like Tusla or Childline."