US ballerina on pointe to farewell celebrated career
So it was when Gillian Murphy, one of the most admired American ballerinas for almost three decades, began contemplating not only when, but how to retire from American Ballet Theatre.
She knew she wanted to go out on a high note. Murphy, at 46, is in incredible shape; at a rehearsal earlier in July, she was leaping and twirling like colleagues in their 20s.
But in what role should she take her final bow, after 29 years with the company? Should it be as Juliet? As Giselle? The first of these ends up stabbing herself to death. The other goes mad.
The best (and most athletic) option, it turned out, was to jump off a cliff. That's what swan queen Odette does at the end of the company's version of Swan Lake - followed in this dramatic leap by the prince who loves her, to be joyfully reunited in the afterlife. (In real life they leap onto a mattress offstage, dust themselves off and clamber back for the finale.)
Murphy, who's known for her Odette/Odile - especially those fouettes, Odile's fiendishly hard whiplash turns - retired with Swan Lake on Friday night, ending her career in a blur of bouquets, tears and golden confetti before a sold-out Metropolitan Opera House crowd.
Once the ballet finished, Murphy hugged fellow dancers including Misty Copeland, who will retire with fanfare in October.
She was also greeted by her husband, former ballet theatre principal dancer Ethan Stiefel, and their six-year-old son, Ax, who'd just watched him mum perform at the opera house for the first time.
Murphy was 17 when she joined the ballet theatre. Did she imagine such a long career?
"I would have never expected to be dancing this long, honestly," she said. "I think in my mind I always had 40 years old as a time frame. But I didn't expect to feel this good at this point.
"I've truly loved my career at ABT, and it's given me the opportunity to dance all over the world. So I'm happy I'm still here."
Ballet takes a huge amount of athletic ability - dancers need to be actors, too - and Murphy has developed her abilities as she has aged.
"I do feel that life experience really does come out in performances," she says. "And when we're telling these stories about true love and forgiveness and loss, all the dramatic sort of themes that come out in these ballets, it does make a difference when you've experienced those things in your life."
While some of the company's dancers have chosen Juliet for their retirement performance, Murphy settled on a much more physically demanding role with Swan Lake.
"It doesn't get any easier, yeah," she says, laughing. "I have so many favourite roles, but Swan Lake includes two of my most favourite, Odette and Odile.
"It's always been incredibly challenging, but also so fulfilling. When I was a kid, my dream role was the Black Swan (Odile), actually. So just in a full-circle moment, it feels special to finish with this ballet that I dreamed of doing as a kid, and first did as a young soloist with ABT 24 years ago."
Murphy is known for Odile's fouettes (32 whiplash turns on one leg that the Black Swan performs) and throwing in double turns.
"I used to throw in triples, triple pirouettes in the middle of the fouettes," she says. "But I think I just want to finish strong ... and take risks elsewhere."
The decision to retire is a tough call in any career, and no less so for Murphy.
"It's never an easy decision for any dancer. It's a calling from a very early age ... but I've always wanted to finish strong and with my own sense of agency," she says.
"I really relish when that sense of imagination and life experience and artistry is integrated with the physicality, the athleticism, the technique. And I feel like I'm still in that place where I can do that. So I want to finish with that sense of fullness."
Thankfully, Murphy has largely avoided any major injuries or setbacks along her way.
"I've been pretty fortunate about bouncing back from muscle strains and things like that," she says.
"You know, dancers are not robots. Like an athlete, we can have an off day and (we should) not let that be too discouraging. That's par for the course.
"I'd say coming back from pregnancy and an emergency c-section was not easy ... but I was able to get onstage and do a full-length Giselle when my son was eight months old. And then, a couple of weeks after that, the pandemic hit. I had just gotten everything back together."
Murphy plans to lean into coaching and staging once she hangs up her pointe shoes, especially choreography.
"I also want to take some time to process this huge transition and consider options and think about what I really want to do," she says.
"I would be really surprised if it doesn't involve giving back or working in some way in the dance world, because it's so meaningful to me. Clearly, this is a lifetime pursuit."
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