The Surprising Way That People Fuel Their Own Impostor Syndrome
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What is impostor syndrome?
Anytime you're doing something you've never done before, or your situation changes dramatically, it's the job of your identity to ask the question "is this safe?" and "should I have it?" If you don't have limiting beliefs about your worthiness, then you may still get a slightly heightened feeling of apprehension at times. But generally speaking, you should be ok as long as you stay grounded, focus on small steps, and acknowledge the wins as you go.
For this first type of impostor syndrome, you may also hear your inner critic giving you intrusive thoughts about if you're good enough, or if you're able to sustain it. The key difference is that you can fairly quickly catch and answer these thoughts with some self-awareness and courage, so they won't last very long, and in fact, the faster you get into action-taking mode, the less of an effect they will have. For many people, simply getting started cures their impostor syndrome thoughts, and they are free to do what they need to do.
When impostor syndrome won't go away.
The second kind of impostor syndrome is fuelled by identity. This is the one that causes the worst cases of impostor syndrome, and why much of the advice doesn't seem to work for you. When it comes to identity-fuelled impostor syndrome, you still decide to do something new and important to you, and it still triggers the same "is this safe?", "is this for me?" internal checks. The only difference now is that this time, the answer that your deeper beliefs and stories send back is: "Absolutely not, are you crazy?! - Who do you think you are for wanting something like this? This is far too nice... Why would you think you could have anything this good?" And it's almost always supported by the iron-clad evidence of: "We've never had it before."
But that's true of literally everything you have ever achieved. Anything you currently have in your life right now, there was once a time you didn't have that, so never let that hold you back. That said, if you are fortunate enough to at least make some progress, what people find is the more you learn, the more you realise how much you don't yet know - which only makes the feeling of not having enough to work with so much worse. So when you try to use positive thinking and force to make yourself do the things, you're really just pushing against yourself. This means the harder you force things, and the more pressure you add, the more your identity's resistance will push back. This is what many people describe as feeling stuck.
What actually works.
OK, so now we know it's not about forcing yourself to do the things, and the old ways aren't working for you anymore because it's your identity that is stopping you from moving forward with confidence. On a deeper level, a part of you doesn't feel good enough, and is using old beliefs and comparisons to support that feeling. When we consider that, we can work on reversing the feeling.
1. Ground yourself in safety and trust
Since impostor syndrome is mostly fuelled by insecurities and comparisons to others, the fastest way to get your power back is to reverse your focus back to yourself, and disregard all other people, at least temporarily.
This is also where we double down on love and worth. Where you feel into your body and send yourself the purest forms of love, that maybe you never had before, but you can allow yourself to receive it now. To anchor into your body, physically reassure yourself through words and touch, and connect to the sensations that your body is giving you. It's here where you create safety and security within yourself. You may need some support from a professional coach or therapist to help you with this if you have never or rarely felt safe in your body before. Once that's done, you can build up trust by doing small things and acknowledging yourself as you go to remove doubts and build confidence.
2. Directly challenge old beliefs
As mentioned earlier, impostor syndrome is made of old beliefs that don't serve you. It's these beliefs that your identity is measuring you against, so once you're in a safe and secure state of being, it's these beliefs that we're going to change. To do that, first follow the "If/Then formula" to discover the specific story that your subconscious is running to keep you stuck in self doubt. What you're looking for is a story that reflects a deeper fear or limiting belief. It may not be rational, in fact, it rarely is rational, but it's whatever comes through and you feel in your body that part of you might believe it.
For example,
"If I do this [big scary thing], then it will hurt me by [outcome I absolutely don't want], and I don't want that to happen" or "If I allow myself to fully trust [myself or someone else], then it could hurt me by [some betrayal, rejection, failure, etc], and I don't want that to happen"
This story will show you the deeper belief and fear, and once you can see the belief, you can start to challenge it and work to replace it with more positive and empowering beliefs.
3. Decide who you are and what you're capable of.
Finally, we take the last step. After we have cultivated safety in the body, and you are now the primary provider of safety and love in your life. We have isolated specific beliefs and stories and brought them into higher awareness. Now is the time we make some powerful decisions that can carry us through and into our best life. The word "decision" literally means "to cut away", so that's what I want you to do. I would like you to decide now that you are going to fully believe in yourself, that you don't need to know if it will be successful before you start, because you will decide now to take the leap of faith in yourself and do the thing.
I'm not promising that it won't be scary, but that's why you decide again and again, as many times as you need to, that you are good enough, and you can find a way to make your visions come true. Because it's in that certainty, that your greatness will finally be allowed to shine.
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