Sacha Baron Cohen doesn't realise his midlife post-divorce body is repellent to most women
My first thought was oily biltong. My second thought was one of those comedy cooking aprons featuring a male torso. My third thought was: ooh, hench, what do you bench?
No, of course it wasn't. It was this: I get the 53-year-old actor and comedy writer is now officially divorced from his wife, Isla Fisher, 49, but I'm not sure the revenge body thing is really working.
Back in the day (1994, to be precise), Diana, Princess of Wales, stole the show with a daring off-the-shoulder black dress to signal her couldn't-care-less-but-actually-care-a-lot insouciance.
I can't see why a Celine Homme polo shirt and Tom Ford linens wouldn't have done the trick for Baron Cohen. He's a dad with two daughters and a son, and therefore absolutely entitled – some would say obliged – to rock a dad bod.
What his Australian ex-wife makes of it all is anyone's guess. The couple met at a party in 2001 and were engaged in 2004. The Wedding Crashers actress converted to Judaism to marry Baron Cohen in 2010. Although they announced their separation in 2024, they said it had happened a year previously. Both have been at pains to keep their personal lives private.
But now that the privately educated Cambridge graduate has joined the Hollywood elite, he happily admits he brought in a crack team for his ripped glow-up, which he describes as 'a midlife crisis'. Plus, he has been cast as Marvel's supervillain devil Mephisto, who makes evil pacts with mortals in order to acquire their souls, which concentrated his mind.
'Some celebs use Ozempic, some use private chefs, some use personal trainers. I did all three,' he told the magazine. 'This is not AI, I really am egotistical enough to do this.'
Given he was put through his daily workouts by someone called @theangrytrainer, his dedication, appropriately enough, verged on the demonic.
It's a far cry from his wannabe gangsta Ali G character back in the 1990s, which led to his film about his shockingly inappropriate Kazakh journalist, Borat, in 2006, and then his mockumentary about monstrous Austrian fashionista Brüno three years later. In 2012, he played Admiral General Aladeen in The Dictator, billed as 'the heroic story of a dictator who risked his life to ensure that democracy would never come to the country he so lovingly oppressed'.
Now a bona fide A-lister, Baron Cohen has clearly fallen prey to the literal arms race dominating the big franchises, which has seen male actors (and their body doubles) push their physiques into superhero proportions. Having presumably forgotten that superheroes aren't real.
These days, muscle mass equals star power. On screen, at any rate. In Men's Fitness, Baron Cohen has found the perfect body-conscious audience for his great reveal, but I'm not sure how many women will find his pumped-up pecs a thing of beauty.
It's great for any midlifers to have a stimulating hobby, and there's something deeply attractive about a man pursuing a passion. But there's something troubling when that passion turns out to be sculpting himself in the image of a cartoon character.
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