No civility, no democracy? These writers say it's vital we talk to each other

USA Today

2 days ago

No civility, no democracy? These writers say it's vital we talk to each other | Opinion The growing inability – or even desire – to engage with people who hold opposing views is leading to fractures that aren't harmful only to personal relationships. They're hurting our country.
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These writers say it's vital we talk to each other
Two veteran journalists fear the nearly 250-year-old American experiment is at risk if we can't get back to talking to each other in meaningful ways.
If it weren't for bourbon, veteran Detroit journalists Nolan Finley and Stephen Henderson would not be friends.
Frequent sparring partners? Sure. But not friends.
When they discovered a shared love of the famed Kentucky beverage, however, they started meeting at Motor City bars and really talking to each other.
And even though they are about as far apart on the political spectrum as you can get, they realized they had more in common than they thought. Mutual respect then evolved into friendship.
Finley, a conservative, and Henderson, a liberal, have appeared frequently together on Detroit TV shows, debating the news of the day. Yet, people would be surprised when they discovered they were more than competitors in the world of ideas. They were friends, too.
So Finley, the editorial page editor of The Detroit News, and Henderson, a Pulitzer Prize winner who has worked across journalism mediums, decided to start bringing together diverse groups of their friends and acquaintances at 'bourbon nights.' At these events, a cross section of Detroiters who would have probably never hung out otherwise realized they enjoyed the conversations.
Those events later morphed into The Civility Project, with Finley and Henderson holding workshops about how to cross ideological divides.
Now, Finley and Henderson, along with author and writing coach Lynne Golodner, have turned what they've learned into 'The Civility Book,' which will be released in early June.
(Full disclosure: Finley was my boss when I worked at The Detroit News and is one of my closest friends. I consider Henderson a friend as well.)
I recently spoke with them about their book and why civility is more important than ever in our deeply divided country.
There's value in getting out of our own echo chambers
Finley and Henderson say the driving principle of their book is the value in engaging with those who hold different views and come from different backgrounds. As they write, 'Embracing empathy and respect for 'the other side' doesn't mean abandoning your own convictions.'
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'All good people come to their opinions in the same way,' Finley says. 'They take the information available, run it through the filter of their own experiences, and they come up with an opinion.'
And it's OK if the opinion is different from your own, Finley says.
'It doesn't make them evil and it doesn't mean they're out to destroy you. It just means they've lived different life experiences.'
Simply hearing out someone else is not the same thing as 'giving in.'
After all, changing someone's mind is close to impossible. Trust me, I know from experience after years as an opinion columnist. Yet, I consider it a victory when I hear from a reader who will say they're on the opposite side of the political spectrum but still respect my views and take time to read my column.
After years of battling out their ideas without really changing the other's mind, Henderson and Finley say there's still value in having the debate.
'While it's true that we don't change each other's minds and we don't find each other on the same side of most issues, when we talk about those things, I think we both would say that we're learning from the other person,' Henderson says.
'Maybe one of us has come across some information about something that the other hadn't seen. That happens a lot. And there is value in understanding the perspective of people who disagree. It strengthens your argument.'
What's on the line if we can't be civil with one another? A lot.
The growing inability – or even desire – to engage with people who hold opposing views is leading to fractures that aren't harmful only to personal relationships. They're hurting our country.
After the contentious 2024 presidential election, many of us know of family, friends or coworkers who no longer talk because of their political differences. Members of Congress scream at each other instead of working together. And we live in our own social media and cable TV silos, where we can have our views confirmed and never challenged.
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Finley and Henderson are concerned about what Americans' unwillingness to engage constructively with others portends.
'There's something fundamental about the exchange of ideas in a democracy,' Henderson says. 'That may seem like an obvious observation, but right now I'm not sure it is. The democratic experiment that this country represents depends on the honest exchange of ideas.'
Henderson fears the nearly 250-year-old American experiment is at risk if we can't get back to talking to each other in a meaningful way.
'Do we want to keep trying to perfect democracy in this country, or are we just kind of done with it?' he asks.
Finley and Henderson hope their book can serve as a guide to healing this coming apart. And it starts one conversation at a time.
'Civility means learning to engage without the hatred and learning to disagree with someone without devaluing that person,' Finley says. 'And I guess that would be it in a nutshell for me.'
Ingrid Jacques is a columnist at USA TODAY. Contact her at [e-mail] or on X: @Ingrid_Jacques