Making Alberta great again — the Smith method
Opinion
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith's current separatist threats are a transparent attempt to garner some gotcha-by-the-root-chakra leverage with Prime Minister Mark Carney.
How else can an alienated Western premier outsparkle flamboyant Quebec?
Smith is a populist, a Libertarian and a social conservative who is paradoxically agnostic. She's a clever chameleon whose rebellious rhetoric suits the bootstrap tenor of her petrostate.
THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jason Franson
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is masterful at reading the mood of her constituents, Patricia Dawn Robertson writes.
In the tradition of William (Bible Bill) Aberhart, a Depression-era Alberta premier, Smith is masterful at reading the mood of her grudging agrarian constituents.
Aberhart, son of a German immigrant, was an Ontario-born teacher and principal. The Presbyterian-turned-Baptist led Alberta (1935-1943) under the Social Credit Party he founded, based on the philosophy of British engineer, Major C.H. Douglas.
Like Smith, Aberhart gained exposure as a radio host. Aberhart's Sunday sermons were broadcast to the Prairie provinces and the northern United States.
As premier, Aberhart's chief aim was to reform the banking sector. But his radical policies were overturned as unconstitutional. So he created the Alberta Treasury Branches (ATB) instead, which is a heady mix of socialism and commerce that continues to serve Albertans today.
The Social Credit leader also wanted to reform the newspaper sector with The Accurate News and Information Act. The Act would have forced newspapers to print government rebuttals to stories the provincial cabinet deemed 'inaccurate.' Mercifully, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled Aberhart's fascist legislation unconstitutional.
I moved to Calgary from Winnipeg in 1997. Alberta's oil and gas culture dominated the well-heeled city where residents of have-not provinces migrated. As an economic refugee, I often misread my precarious place in the regional pecking order where wealthy Albertans celebrate their rural roots and deploy coffee row logic — ideas kicked around at regular small-town get-togethers over restaurant coffee — to extort Ottawa.
When I complained about then-premier Ralph Klein's right-wing mindset and relentless Central Canada-bashing, a new friend scolded me: 'I'm so tired of you people coming here and sucking off the hind tit. And then complaining.'
Alberta: like it or lump it. Since my departure for rural Saskatchewan in 2004, Alberta has endured numerous political iterations. Who knew that Danielle Smith would make Ralph Klein look like a moderate?
Smith will stop at nothing to ensure that fair equalization transfer payments are made to entitled 'oiligarchs.' It's their oil wealth to hoard — not a shared resource.
Smith's new list of outrageous demands reads like a rock star's backstage rider exacted from an event promoter: Mr. Carney, remove all of the objectionable Liberal-red M&Ms from the premiers' conference snack bowls and grant Alberta unprecedented access to tidewater energy exports.
While you're at it, scrap all electricity regulations, eliminate the emissions cap, abandon the net-zero car mandate … and dispatch outspoken Green Party Leader, Elizabeth May, to Greenland.
Just imagine.
With complete autonomy, Albertans can finally have Fort McMurray declared a National Historic Site and convert Jasper National Park's scorched earth into a Tailings Impoundment Area, conveniently sourced from nearby Hinton's four coal mines.
'Drill, baby, drill!' will replace Wild Rose Country on the licence plate. The fracking drought will ensure that those iconic ditch roses will gain no moisture, nor purchase, in the Alberta Next era.
Preston Manning will enjoy a dual role as an Antebellum secessionist coach and Calgary Stampede grand marshal, which is a nod to his late father, Ernest Manning, who followed Aberhart as Alberta premier.
This is the ideal time to establish an oil and gas-friendly theme park to brag to Canadians about Alberta's immense new stature as a sovereign nation. Visitors to HydroCarbon Heritage Village experience coal-fired monster truck rallies and sign up for homemade ammo and F-ck Carney plaque workshops in prepper bunkers.
Permanent exhibits include outlier hero Pierre Poilievre, depicted in a feral habitat diorama as a summer student doppelganger furiously digs in cedar shavings. Visitors will be wowed by the Conservative leader's resilience as he readies his safe seat in the Battle River-Crowfoot riding.
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The real Poilievre will reprise his acclaimed hectoring workshop on 'How to Run-off Your Liberal Neighbours' with the 'shun them, issue nuisance bylaws violations' or burn-them-out system.
Smith's workshop on DIY secessionist manifestos is a sure winner. Early summer registrants can complete the course in time for family reunion season.
On Earth Day 2026, Smith's ambitions go beyond mere separation from Canada. The Alberta Armed Forces' Spring Offensive into the Okanagan is an expansionist plan for an eventual tidewater occupation. First Peachland then on to Osoyoos for the victory dinner where Smith's ravenous troops can pair a Cabernet Franc with Alberta feedlot beef.
Elite observers have crafted our own grim, alternative narrative: how soon before Smith levels up and abandons elections altogether?
Patricia Dawn Robertson lives in a conservative stronghold in rural Saskatchewan. You can purchase her new book, Media Brat: a Gen-X memoir at MeatDrawBooks.com
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