Boys in blue always did get to pick and choose
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Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE I love my husband, but I hate sharing a bed with him, and it's NOT because he snores: SOPHIE PALUCH reveals why separate rooms saved her marriage
I see the look of surprise that crosses someone's face when I mention that my husband and I sleep in separate beds. Most people I know have stereotypical sleeping arrangements, a societal norm of a married couple in one bed, saying good night to one another, and cuddling to sleep, but how many of those couples can say they actually sleep well? I'm betting not that many. My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for nine, and, except for going on holiday (when in most cases necessity forces us to share), we have spent most of our years as a couple sleeping in separate beds. It's not a sleeping set-up I expected, nor was it planned, but I can probably go as far as saying that it's made us a better couple because of it. We met when I was twenty-three and fresh out of the early twenties world of sleeping wherever my head fell. I had spent university in house shares, summers back home with my parents, out late, up early, catching up on sleep where I could - all the good stuff that comes with the care-free life of pre-kids. Sleep had always been easy for me, in fact, I famously once slept through a fire alarm in my halls of residence, and I hadn't even been drinking. I've always had good sleep habits, I read a lot before bed, and it calms my mind. I find it easy to switch off, settle down and sleep uninterrupted for a good eight hours. My husband certainly finds sleep more challenging, he's a light sleeper, prone to repeated wake-ups, and he can fixate on a noise (which, in most cases, I can't even hear) that can keep him awake for hours. We've often had to change hotel rooms due to him being able to hear some distant humming - despite wearing earplugs, I may add. He needs complete darkness, and the right pillow combination, and he snores, loudly. A year after meeting we decided to buy a house together, it was clear to us both that our relationship was different to what we had had before with others. We had the same ideas on life, could laugh together for hours and he made me feel good about myself. It was refreshing. My husband had been sharing a house with his friend for several years and while I stayed over some nights, it tended to be once a week because he found it difficult to sleep when I was there, and I needed to be up early to go and muck out my horse. I suppose his quest for the perfect sleep conditions wasn't as obvious then, although sometimes I did wonder if both earplugs and a pillow on his head were necessary. It was when we bought our first home that the cracks in our sleeping arrangements began to show. There were many of my normal sleep habits (like breathing) that he found difficult and the fact he often sounded like a freight train next to me meant that neither of us got much sleep. 'Perhaps you could stop snoring.' I snapped at him one night when he had repeatedly asked me to stop 'wafting' the duvet - I was just rolling over. 'It's not a normal roll, it's a Crocodile death roll,' he scowled at me before we both turned our backs on one another. For the next couple of months, we told each other we would get used to sharing a bed together. I felt pressure from others to fix the whole sleeping arrangement thing - weren't you supposed to share a bed with the person you love? We tried lots of different options, separate duvets at first, then even resorting to taking the bed frame away and putting two mattresses on the floor so we could sleep side by side but not actually in the same bed. I began to get anxious about waking him up, so my sleep became restless, and his tolerance level for the shared space seemed to get worse. We would both wake up in the morning exhausted from lack of sleep, bickering over silly things because we were so tired. I felt upset that things were so good between us, so why couldn't we conquer this one issue? I suppose at that time, it would have helped to know of other happily married couples that slept apart, but even now it seems to be a taboo topic associated with marital arguments or infidelity - two issues that couldn't be further away from the relationship my husband and I have. We have a very healthy marriage, we are close and connected, it's just the physical act of falling - and staying - asleep next to each other that doesn't work. I began to think about our sleep, how important it was for all areas of our health and wellbeing, and that the quality and quantity of your sleep makes such a huge difference to your day. It can be so easy to get sucked into what we think we should be doing, how we think we should be living our lives, and so we both looked at changing our perspectives on this 'issue' and accepting that even though we loved each other and spending time together, we didn't match when it came to sleep. And so, we decided to sleep in separate beds, in separate rooms. Fourteen years and two children later, I think we are a stronger couple for prioritising our own sleep needs. We still spend time together in the evening before sleeping, and we still have a cup of tea together in bed in the morning, but we both wake up refreshed and ready to be the best version of ourselves for one another. Of course, there are times when we are forced together at night, last summer we bought a campervan and spent a few weeks in Italy - and campervan beds are small! It was a lesson in patience for us both, separate sleeping bags all the way, but holiday time is different to the demands of everyday life - the tiredness of work and parenting seems to be less prevalent. When people ask me whether sleeping in separate beds has made a difference to our relationship, I say yes, but in a good way. I'm still not sure why this type of nighttime set-up is seen as a bad thing. I think the worst thing you can do is to keep going with a situation that clearly isn't working, and the bedroom is perhaps the worst place for a battleground. Marriage is forever a work in progress, you need to grow and develop together as a couple, but I also think a healthy marriage means valuing your own space and needs as well, for us we need good sleep to be a better couple.
Auto Blog
an hour ago
- Auto Blog
Operation Frodo: How Automotive Journalists Found Love Driving Rescue Dogs 1,600 Miles to Safety
Operation Frodo, led by journalists and backed by automakers, is helping unwanted dogs escape a grim fate and find loving homes across the U.S. 13 Beagle Puppies Needed Urgent Help There was a frantic tone to the e-mail. With the Memorial Day holiday fast approaching would anyone be able to squeeze out time to drive from Omaha to the Pacific Northwest, a 1,600-mile, three-day journey? When the message from fellow journalist Harvey Briggs arrived, I was taking a long-awaited vacation in Paris and looking forward to following it up with some time lounging by the lake at our cottage near Hell, Michigan. But there was a reason why I couldn't simply type, 'No,' and hit reply. 0:05 / 0:09 Chevrolet says a next-gen Camaro is still possible. What could it look like? Watch More This wasn't just a friendly trip pairing a couple long-time colleagues, nor an unusually long vehicle test drive. It was a chance to rescue 13 young beagles who'd been rescued from abusive puppy mills. If Harvey couldn't line up enough drivers to transport them from an auction site in Nebraska to new homes in Seattle and Portland, Oregon they'd likely wind up going to medical labs where they'd spend their lives in cramped cages being exposed to all manner of potentially dangerous experimental drugs. Shelters Overwhelmed as Pandemic Pets Are Abandoned In the typical year, about six million dogs and cats will wind up in shelters, millions more getting dumped on the streets. As many as one million will land in 'kill shelters' and eventually be euthanized. But the problem has, if anything, grown worse lately. During COVID lockdowns, many Americans adopted animals to keep them company. Now that corporations are retreating from work-at-home policies, owners are all too often surrendering their furry companions. Shelters and rescues across the country are struggling under the load. This was a chance to find a good home for at least some unwanted dogs. Sitting in my hotel room I looked at my wife and admitted, 'I don't know what to do.' Her reply was blunt. Scratch our holiday plans. 'You know you've got to do it.' Autoblog Newsletter Autoblog brings you car news; expert reviews and exciting pictures and video. Research and compare vehicles, too. Sign up or sign in with Google Facebook Microsoft Apple By signing up I agree to the Terms of Use and acknowledge that I have read the Privacy Policy . You may unsubscribe from email communication at anytime. A Beagle Search That Sparked a Lifesaving Rescue Mission I'll put the blame on another media colleague, Nik Miles. Back in 2021, his beloved beagle passed away and he went looking for another. Sometimes the search for just the right pet can take a strange detour and, in this case, Miles wound up connecting with Basset and Beagle Rescue of the Heartland. Rather than a typical shelter, it's a loose-knit collection of dog lovers who open their homes up to lost and unwanted animals. Omaha's Kathi Ortmeier estimated the group routinely fosters as many as 350 beagles and bassets a year. The challenge is to then find permanent homes for the dogs. Nik Miles came for one. He wound up heading back home to Portland with four, the others delivered to another rescue group in Oregon. Operation Frodo is Born Curiously, the popularity of various dog breeds varies from one part of the country to the next. Beagles and bassets are popular in the Pacific Northwest. Unfortunately, there are too many unwanted in the South and Southeast where hunters often abandon their dogs after the season is over. Meanwhile, breeders will auction off un-homed beagles to labs or, worse, noted Briggs. One told him he was going to shoot the pups he couldn't sell. 'By moving (unwanted dogs) from one part of the country to another, you solve the problem,' said Miles. Operation Frodo was born. (The name honors a character in The Lord of the Rings, as well as the beagle Miles adopted.) Rescue Convoy Faced Snowstorms That first trip was a challenging one, Miles and several fellow journalists discovered, as they piloted a big Wagoneer loaned them by Jeep across Wyoming during the worst snowstorm in a century, at one point sliding off the road into a ditch. Eventually, they dug out and slowly made their way to the Pacific Northwest. A year later, Miles enlisted Briggs to help with logistics. They reached out for support and were offered some financial backing, as well as a handful of vehicles that, over the coming years would be provided by brands like Mercedes-Benz, Kia, Ram, Volkswagen and others. 'We went to the well and they came through,' Miles said, explaining that the growing support has allowed the Operation Frodo team to shuttle more dogs each year: 23 in 2023 and 20 last December. A Change of Plans Despite the risky weather that sweeps across the heartland, Operation Frodo is normally scheduled for mid-December. It's often easier for auto journalists to free up some time and, as I discovered during my first mission last winter, there often are families looking to adopt dogs for the holidays. But things can change when you're on a 'Mission from Dog,' as frequent rescue driver and MotorTrend editor Aaron Gold calls it. That's why Briggs sent out a frantic series of alerts to the network of writers the program has built up. Members of the Basset and Beagle Rescue of the Heartland had learned of an auction in Omaha, 13 unwanted pups and a couple of older breeding females were being put up for auction. The likelihood was that they'd wind up in medical labs. As Briggs sought out drivers, Miles lined up vehicles and financial support to cover travel expenses. (Everything but the flights drivers take. We cover those expenses ourselves.) Big Booty Judy: The Beagle Who Stole a Journalist's Heart I landed in Omaha on a late Thursday night, jet-lagged and exhausted. The following morning, as I crawled out of bed, prepped and packed, I headed down to meet our charges. All the dogs were already in cages but one: Big Booty Judy, a beagle of uncertain age who had already been fostered by the Omaha group. But, as Ortmeier noted, there were simply too many for the foster group. Judy was heading to Seattle where another home had been lined up. To be honest, I'm a real softie when it comes to animals in need. I have rescued more than a dozen over the years and my current fur family stands at four, two cats, a Lab-mix adopted in February 2023 and Melvyn, the beagle I took home from last December's Operation Frodo. Then I met Judy. Those big brown eyes and the biggest smile I'd ever seen on a dog. For the rest of my two legs there would be no crate for this brown and black bundle of joy. When I wasn't driving, she either cuddled in my lap, all 48 lbs of her, or wrapped around my feet. Heading Home In another unusual move, the team members on this latest Operation Frodo split up after leaving the last overnight stop in Boise, Idaho. Five of the rescues headed off for new homes in Seattle, including my girl Judy. I had to say goodbye to her when I peeled off in Salt Lake, a new driver dropping into my seat. To say I was a bit heartbroken to leave her when I flew off is an understatement. But I knew she'd be heading to a wonderful new home. The remaining nine pups were en route to Portland's Asher House. It's a unique animal sanctuary launched by Lee Asher, an Instagram star, corporate trainer and extraordinary animal lover. According to the official website, it's 'a registered nonprofit sanctuary that advocates for the welfare, protection, and dignity of all animals. It provides rescue, rehabilitation, rehoming and a lifelong sanctuary for animals in need, and promotes humane treatment and education.' Spread out over several 100 acres, it provides a safe place for rescues of many breeds and species. And it's Lee Asher's domain by more than name. He apparently knows each animal by name. Planning the Next Operation Frodo Rescue Run Even before the three rescue vehicles reached their destinations, Miles and Briggs were already lining up plans for the next Operation Frodo scheduled to start, again, in Omaha. And, in character, the two are already laying plans to rescue even more dogs. They may yet ahead additional dates and destinations if they can generate more financial support. If anything, automakers are lining up to put their vehicles in the hands of Frodo drivers. To be honest, Nik Miles is close to the ultimate dog lover with eight of his own in Portland. Most of us who've signed up have rescues of our own – in my case, two cats, two dogs. But it's more than just about loving animals. Over the course of the two rescues I've been on I've seen the way the pups have somehow loosened up. Even in their crates, they just seem to know they're going to a better place. Bella, a second beagle I also kept with me – and Judy – overnight went from fearfully tucking tail between legs to wagging and playing by the time I headed home. 'This will change you,' Miles said. I think everyone who's taking part in Operation Frodo would agree. Support Your Local Shelters: Adopt or Donate Today There certainly are plenty of legitimate, loving breeders. There are far too many sketchy operations run by folks who could just as easily be selling cows or chickens. And, experts note, they often dump unsold animals – or worse – contributing to America's problem with strays and overflowing shelters. Even if you're looking for that rare breed, be aware that there are dedicated shelters and rescues that may have precisely the animal you seek. Even if you can't adopt, please consider donating cash, food or toys to your local shelters and rescues. A wagging tail is a beautiful thing. About the Author Paul Eisenstein View Profile
Times
an hour ago
- Times
Is the UK finally ready for carbon capture and storage?
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