Expert reveals the subtle sign your relationship is heading for disaster
Paige Moyce, a coach as well as content creator, shared the signs in a recent video on TikTok.
Before listing the three signs, Paige said that 'our brains are wired for what's familiar, so as soon as relationships become familiar, which they do very, very quickly, it becomes really difficult to differentiate between what's normal and what isn't'.
This, she noted, means many people stay in relationships for longer than they should, because the partnership is familiar, and 'because your brain sees familiarity as safety, even if it's the most unsafe situation in the world'.
Paige continued: 'I'm always a big believer that relationships can be worked on.
'Psychologies can be worked on. Humans can evolve and can change and can grow.
'However, if these three things are happening in your relationship, and they have been happening for a long time, and there is no sign of any actionable steps to change it, then the relationship is over.
1. Communication is designed to avoid conflict
According to Paige: 'If your communication is designed to avoid arguments, conflict, silent treatment, blow ups [and] big reactions, this is a recipe for disaster.'
She added that if someone has to be extremely mindful of how they communicate before discussing something important or emotionally-driven, and feels anxious and like they have to walk on eggshells around their partner, this is 'not healthy in the absolute slightest'.
'It is like burying a bomb,' the coach added, 'because what we end up doing is burying our feelings, burying what's important to us, burying our needs, because we're just so petrified of this person leaving or their reaction.'
Concluding her first point, Paige said: 'How long is this sustainable for? Depends how long you want to cling onto barbed wire and bleed. But ultimately, if you are having to self edit and audit yourself to that point to try and keep this person happy, this relationship is heading a disaster.'
2. One partner would leave tomorrow if they could
Paige explained: 'I often say to clients who come to work with me [....] that if there was a magic wand and there was no consequence, and you didn't have to worry about anything or anyone, and you could leave and you could be happy outside of this relationship [tomorrow], would you do it?'
She added that if the answer is 'yes', then that person is 'probably already exhausted'.
'You're probably that person that's already tried to fix this 400 million times. And the reality is, nothing changes time and time again. Everyone has a tipping point, and when you reach that tipping point in your relationship, it's very, very hard to come back. When there is a catalogue of things you are just expected to get over and not talk about, it is a recipe for disaster.'
3. There is no warmth in the relationship anymore
According to the relationship coach, a lack of warmth could relate to a lack to physical or emotional intimacy, trust, or the ability to be vulnerable.
She continued: 'There isn't that warmth in the relationship anymore. There isn't that teamwork, there isn't that togetherness that perhaps there once was, no matter how much you try to fight for that, it just feels like this person is not meeting you halfway.'
And this, she said, is often a sign that a relationship is is over, because in order to reignite that warmth, and in order to have that warmth back again in the relationship [...] that takes two [...] that has to be a team effort.'
She continued: 'If you're in a relationship with no warmth, you're probably in a relationship with very little trust, very little emotional connection, very little healthy love, and that is not a healthy relationship. And that is not sustainable.'
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The Sun
15 minutes ago
- The Sun
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Times
an hour ago
- Times
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The Guardian
3 hours ago
- The Guardian
Oracy already exists in schools. Just look inside the drama studio
Why is it that, in all of the recent discussion of oral literacy (Letters, 30 July; Editorial, 27 July; Simon Jenkins, 24 July), there appears to be no mention of the one subject that already exists that has speaking and listening at its very heart: drama? Of course, discussion, debates, rehearsed readings – all of the things that advocates of oral literacy cite – are vital. And all are embedded within the drama curriculum. Debates don't have to be formal; watch a group of children negotiate how to form and shape a piece of drama, and you see vivid debate in action. Rehearsed readings? Surely rehearsed performance is better. So why this apparent dismissal? Perhaps it is distrust of the creative imagination that drama has as its very basis. Or the focus that the subject also has on movement as another vital tool of communication? Or is it a distaste for the apparent unruliness of the drama studio, where children do not sit in rows (other teachers dread covering for drama, in case they are required to oversee such chaos)? Of course, the debating chamber has its place. But what is for most children their most common oral experience, and frequently their most abiding memory? Performing in the school play, whether that be the infant nativity play or Shakespeare or some other challenging text. By all means, encourage oracy in the classroom. But don't forget the drama studio or the school WaltersLittle Ickford, Buckinghamshire I would go further back than school to develop oracy in children. How sad to see so many parents pushing their children in buggies, or even carrying them in slings, but glued to their phones instead of engaging with them. Even from birth, it is so important to interact with the young HamiltonBuxton, Derbyshire Have an opinion on anything you've read in the Guardian today? Please email us your letter and it will be considered for publication in our letters section.
