Capturing cricket in all weathers — and the most beautiful ground

Timesa day ago

Act now to keep your subscription
We've tried to contact you several times as we haven't been able to take payment. You must update your payment details via My Account or by clicking update payment details to keep your subscription.

Hashtags

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Comments

No comments yet...

Meet the men who say their threesomes were sanctioned by God

The Independent

44 minutes ago

The Independent

Meet the men who say their threesomes were sanctioned by God

In recent years, a resurgence of New Age belief systems and an interest in wellness has given rise to a new kind of lexicon. Many of us now talk about relationships with friends, family, and partners through the lens of spirituality. We talk about our intuition, divine timing, and the 'energy' that others project as though these concepts are intrinsic to us all. For some, these concepts are a no-brainer. Some people simply find it much easier to understand, plan and justify their own behaviours and those of others by applying a framework rooted in spirituality and self-help. Star signs, love languages, human design – these frameworks are all common in New Age thinking and often blend psychology, religious symbolism and other modern philosophies about self-worth, purpose and connection created by self-development gurus. But while I fully understand why people embrace this kind of thing, especially in an uncertain and anxiety-inducing world, there can be a dark side to New Age beliefs and the spiritual language they rely on, especially when it comes to our relationships. On social media, the number of influencers who promote ideas about sacred or spiritual sexuality is rising. You might have seen them posting about divine unions, twin flames and the 'divine masculine'. 'Spiritual sexuality is an ancient practice that dates back thousands of years. It contextualises sex as sacred, infusing the act with deeper meaning and ritualising it through a set sequence of actions and prayer or intention setting,' explains sexologist Aisha Paris Smith, who works with individuals and couples to improve their sexual wellbeing. But, explains tantra expert Henika Patel, although these New Age concepts are rooted in the Vedic tradition of tantra, most of these modern interpretations are very far from the original ideas touted by Indian philosophers. For example, the concept of 'divine physical union' comes from the path of something dubbed 'neo-tantra'. 'It's important to recognise that neo-tantra is a New Age concept and does not represent traditional tantra, which is a spiritual and mystical path stemming from the 6th century in India.' says Patel. 'It seems that much like yoga was transported and commercialised for 'stretching', this element of tantra has been cherry-picked and transported for 'sex'.' For some, the idea of sacred sexuality is both empowering and freeing – particularly in a culture that demonises sexual expression and where fear and abstinence-based sex education still exist. Social media accounts that instruct women on how to step into their 'goddess era' and channel their 'divine feminine' now amass millions of followers on social media and there are thousands of influencers selling coaching courses that teach followers how to channel spiritual sexual energy and connect more deeply with a partner. 'Tantra bros' seem to be all over social media these days and while most have noble intentions, others seem to be selling ideas that veer on a blueprint for how to coax women into sex. It harks back to the pick-up artists of the early noughties, but instead of advice to 'wear a memorable outfit' or 'be negative about her looks' the advice is now to 'tell the woman she's used her heavenly light to power your sacral chakra'. Influencers like Aubrey Marcus – outspoken podcaster and Joe Rogan's ex-business partner – have recently been criticised for posting about their 'sacred relationships' online. In his own podcast, Marcus claimed that a divine message was delivered to him. The message told him to open Raya, meet a woman and then open his marriage. Essentially, God said, 'be in a throuple'. Many spiritual sexuality influencers justify fairly mundane actions, interests and proclivities using New Age jargon and they encourage us to do the same. However, this presents an issue. Presenting sexual desires as 'sacred' could hold the door open for predators to use the language of spirituality and self-help to coerce, manipulate and potentially harm others. Men have used the 'message from god' excuse to manifest and justify relationship dynamics and sexual behaviours across myriad cultures for centuries. Many so-called gurus have ended up behind bars as a result. However, we have the New Age boom to thank for a new particularly toxic form of sexual coercion and exploitation disguised as empowerment. The idea that a person might frame sexual access to another person as a holy pilgrimage and justify that access according to God's plan could be seen as worrying at best and, at worst, predatory. 'It's important to distinguish a 'subjective spiritual experience' with 'universal spiritual principles' and question whether a statement is a human desire wrapped in spiritual jargon,' says Patel. The kinds of men who use the New Age lexicon of sex positivity and sacred union to serve their own desires are usually engaging in what's known as spiritual bypassing – a term coined by American psychotherapist John Welwood. Bypassing describes the way in which spiritual beliefs and practices can be used to mask problematic behaviours. Men who use spiritual bypassing to access certain relationship dynamics without accountability are all too common in spiritual circles and the wellness landscape. I know this because I have met so many of them. I have seen a lack of self-control, a shirking of personal responsibility and a tendency to coerce and mistreat members of a wider community validated by hyper-individualistic healing journeys and presented as a form of enlightenment and higher consciousness. Setting a boundary, especially a physical one, will often see you labelled as 'un-evolved' or 'repressed' by these kinds of men. 'There is unfortunately, a high level of abuse of power in the spiritual communities, particularly where there is a hierarchy, imbalance of power or implied moral authority, at the cost of invalidations of feelings, agency or experience of others,' says Patel. Patel explains that this also becomes problematic due to 'the influence and power involved.' She urges an awareness of 'language being used to avoid accountability, promote power imbalance, manipulate actions, undermine consent or cause emotional or energetic harm. Especially, when the person using it has any kind of 'superiority' or influence'.' 'There is a growing awareness between new age spirituality being a mask for predatory behaviour,' agrees Paris Smith. 'In many spiritual circles, there's a pattern where mostly men in positions of spiritual authority will use spiritual language to justify sexual boundary violations. This can include claims such as their penis is a healing force, or that a spirit told them to act or a woman's discomfort speaks to her lack of spiritual development.' Justifying your desires and behaviour, or your urge to use a dating app, on the basis that a divinity has willed it is exactly why many New Age spiritual concepts, especially those related to sexuality, receive bad press.. The sad part about all this is that sacred sexuality can be an incredible tool for deepening a partnership, growing confidence, and removing the element of shame from your relationship with sex and your body. But when those we used to call out for reading The Game are now using these New Age concepts to their own self-gratifying ends, they may not be as enlightened as they think they are and we should be wary.

Times

an hour ago

Times

I fancy him, so why can't I orgasm?

Act now to keep your subscription We've tried to contact you several times as we haven't been able to take payment. You must update your payment details via My Account or by clicking update payment details to keep your subscription.

Terry Deary: From Horrible Histories to a Durham sheep farm