I'm already broken: Pedro Pascal on grief, mother's suicide, dog that saved his life

India Today

a day ago

Pedro Pascal is a new phenomenon in world cinema, which is both a surprising and heartening thing. Unfortunate too, if you consider that it took him so long to become the audience's favourite. He opened up on his newfound popularity, growing up in an immigrant family, the struggle in the industry, his mother's suicide, being bullied as a 'strange' kid, and so much more, in an interview with Vanity Fair.advertisementPascal, 50, is now working on the new 'Avengers' movie - 'Doomsday', and he was on his way to visit Robert Downey Jr. when the interview took place. An equal parts emotional and pragmatic person, Pascal, revealed that his mother died by suicide when he was still 24, doing his bit to kick off an acting career in Los Angeles.He told the interviewer that his idea of living and enduring the hardships of those days was simply to ask, 'You think not getting a job can break me? You can't break me, I'm already broken.'
Recently seen in the romantic drama 'Materialists', Pascal shared how his mother's untimely death broke something in him, and he returned what the article described as a "hollowed man".It was due to the efforts of his best friend, actor Sarah Paulson, who referred his work to the co-creator of 'Games of Thrones', David Benioff, that Pascal eventually landed the iconic role of Oberyn Martell in the series. There was still a lot to do in his career, but things changed after that. In fact, it was his performance in 'GoT' that then led him to three seasons on the DEA drama 'Narcos', eventually leading him to 'The Last of Us' and then, more. advertisement View this post on Instagram A post shared by Pedro Pascal he/him (@pascalispunk)While discussing his "angels" who fed him and looked after him when he was still in his 30s searching for work in the industry, Pascal also recalled the death of his beloved dog Gretta. He shared that Gretta was his only supporter when he was struggling after the death of his mother.She died of old age when he had just received his big break in 'GoT'. He said in the interview, "I think about how poor I was when I had Gretta. I think about when I had double shifts and I couldn't find anybody to let her out, and we were living in this s***hole apartment in Red Hook, and I think about the bougie life she would be leading with me now as opposed to then and I grieve, I really do."He added, "She saved my life, that dog, because she gave me someone to go home to."Pascal opened up on his difficult childhood while living in California. He said he was just nine months old when his family fled the Augusto Pinochet dictatorship and moved to San Antonio, Texas. His mother was still finishing her studies in child psychology, while his father was a fertility doctor.advertisementThe actor recalled how his life was as a teenager when his family shifted to a rather influential neighbourhood in Orange County. He described it as the place where "all the palm trees are the same height."For Pascal, going to middle school was especially a harrowing experience because he was bullied for "being a weird, sensitive kid. For being an attention-hungry kid. For being in love with the movies and theatre and art."The actor revealed that he was just 16 when he took acid, and called his mother to check in and let her know that he was going to stay out that night. However, when his mother told him that she was planning for a family movie night, he left to be with her, and "sat mute and paralysed, tripping in the back seat as they drove to see John Sayles's 'City of Hope'.""I was having a really hard time when I was 18, 19, 20. I was struggling really badly with insomnia. I was reading James Baldwin and watching movies like 'Once Were Warriors' and 'Muriel's Wedding'. I just was like an open wound to the reality of life," he explained.Pascal loves that he's being adored all across the globe right now. He is aware of the mass popularity that he's gained now, at 50, and how everybody keeps saying that he should have been discovered like this many years back.advertisementAnd like anyone else in their 50s, Pascal also has a formula. He told the magazine, "Stepping into my 40s, I felt adult and empowered. Fifty felt more vulnerable - much more vulnerable. More so, more so. What a silly thing for a 50-year-old man to have all this attention! This is such shadow-voice s**t, you know what I mean?"While he didn't indulge the questions about his role in Marvel's 'Avengers: Doomsday', he expressed that he was delighted to be doing his "homework" with Downey Jr. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Pedro Pascal he/him (@pascalispunk)But, Pascal, being the realist that he is, is not unaware of all kinds of reaction to his casting in the film. He said, "I'm more aware of disgruntlement around my casting than anything I've ever done. 'He's too old. He's not right. He needs to shave.'"But, working with the Iron Man of the universe does help. Pascal talked about his pre-shoot workshops with Downey Jr. "He's just so immediately generous and inviting that you feel like you can be afraid, you can be hungry, you can be ambivalent," he said.The actor is busy being the apple of everyone's eye right now. And also doing some fabulous work on the way.- Ends