‘I was counting on mum's inheritance – but she cut me out of her will'

Telegraph

13 hours ago

If you have a conundrum that you want answered in a future column, email: [e-mail]. All our letters are genuine, but writers are anonymous.
Dear Sam,
My sister has made the choice to pass my inheritance to my children, leaving me and my husband with financial stress for the rest of our lives. I find it hard to describe how I feel – it is somewhere between hurt and furious.
Our wonderful mum died a few months ago and we are very sad. She was in her 80s and died peacefully at home, which is the only blessing, and we know she would have been pleased not to have ended her days in a care home, since she saw my dad in care for the past year suffering with dementia and she did not want that for herself.
When dad first went into care, mum rewrote her will to pass her assets to me and my sister equally. It was agreed that she did not want to pass it all to my dad given that it would likely be swallowed up in care costs. Unbeknown to me, she had since then added a codicil that actually bypasses me and my sister and passes her wealth to her grandchildren.
My sister and I have two children each, so mum's estate is being divided between the four grandchildren. They are all adults with good jobs, mortgages and families, and although they can obviously all make use of the inheritance, none actually need it.
My husband and I have struggled over the last decade financially. A mixture of poor health, a Covid-related business downturn and bad luck have seen our nest egg dwindle. We had been relying on the inheritance from my parents to help us repay our mortgage, which would ensure we have housing for life and can then manage on our pensions.
My sister is named as the executor in mum's will. She knows that mum's original desire was to have her estate shared between me and my sister. It isn't clear to me or my sister when and why mum added the codicil. My sister is comfortable with the idea of her half going to her children, as she has enough for her lifetime already. I on the other hand am shocked and disappointed by the alteration.
I have asked my sister to just ignore the codicil and go with the original intention of mum's will, and she could then give her inheritance to her children if she wants to. I need to keep my inheritance for my own wellbeing.
However, my sister claims this is impossible and we have had a big row about it. I am very frightened that the outcome could leave me in dire straits, but my sister claims there is nothing she can do.
Please tell me there is something I can do to have the original will honoured. The pain of losing my dad to dementia, my mum's recent death and now rowing with my sister is awful. I feel emotionally exhausted, so any help you can offer on how to stand up to my sister without doing more damage to our relationship would be greatly received.
– Anon
Dear reader,
I am so sorry for your loss. It's clear that your mother was deeply loved, and I understand how the sadness of her passing has been compounded by what feels like a financial and emotional betrayal.
You describe your feelings as somewhere between hurt and furious, and that is entirely understandable. Grief often magnifies tensions within families, especially when money and perceived fairness are at stake.
But alongside the emotional toll, this situation does carry a hard legal truth – your mother's final wishes, as expressed in the most up-to-date version of her will and codicil, are legally binding. Regardless of previous versions or informal discussions, it is the latest valid document that dictates how her estate must be distributed.
It may feel wrong that your sister, as executor, is refusing to 'go with the original intention', but according to our legal expert Gary Rycroft here at The Telegraph, she is not allowed to override the codicil. Executors must follow the will as it stands at the time of death.
Ignoring the codicil or redirecting funds would not only breach her fiduciary duty, but could also be challenged as fraud. She could be held personally liable.
That leaves you in a deeply difficult position. You were relying on an inheritance that emotionally, and perhaps logically, you believed was coming to you. And it sounds like your mother may not have discussed the change, leaving a wound of both surprise and rejection.
You could, if you believe the codicil was written when your mother lacked capacity or was under undue influence, contest the will. However, such challenges are complex, expensive, and can cause irreversible damage to family relationships. If your mother was mentally sound and free to change her will – as is her legal right, even late in life – then you are unlikely to succeed.
Another option is to appeal to the goodwill of your children, or your sister's children. While they are under no legal obligation to share their inheritance with you, they may be moved by your circumstances and sense of injustice. But this would need to come from a place of dialogue and mutual respect, not pressure or guilt.
What you can do is take stock and focus on what's within your control. The good news is that you've told me your husband's business is recovering, and you are managing your mortgage. This doesn't erase the stress or the blow to your retirement plans, but it does offer a platform from which to rebuild.
Financial resilience can sometimes come not from a windfall, but from a shift in mindset and strategy. Speak to a financial adviser to reassess your retirement options. There may be ways to restructure your mortgage, boost pension contributions, or even leverage the business more effectively.
Emotionally, it may take time to come to terms with your mother's final decision. It may never feel fair. But it might help to consider whether she acted out of disapproval, fear, or simply changed perspective late in life. It is possible to disagree with her choice and still honour the life and love you shared.
As for your sister, try to separate her legal duties from her personal feelings. She may not like the outcome either, but she has no authority to change it. If you want to preserve your relationship, you may need to let go of what you cannot alter and move towards a conversation rooted in compassion rather than conflict.
The situation is painful, but not without hope. Your financial future is still salvageable. Your family bonds, though strained, can still be healed. And though your mother left behind a surprise, she also left behind a legacy of life, love, and care that no codicil can erase.
Wishing you well,
– Sam