Latest news with #mother
The Guardian
3 hours ago
- General
- The Guardian
I am very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter. Am I a bad person?
Am I a bad person for being very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter? I had resolved to not have children of my own but when I met my partner, with whom I have a wonderful relationship, he came with two children from a previous marriage. He's very supportive and understanding in giving me my space from the children when I need it, and he's come to respect the fact I am making concessions in my life to take on parenting. I love both the children but the youngest is a challenge. She presents a lot of the characteristics of her mother – she has no shame, no accountability, zero fear of authority and is incredibly spoilt. My partner struggles with this too. I know she's five and you can't expect someone so young to be accountable, but I'm really worried that she won't grow out of it. I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy in which she senses me distancing myself and that rejection makes matters worse, but at the same time I am feeling resentful. I'm resistant to tolerating her when I never asked for her to be in my life in the first place. Is it wrong to be wary of such a small child? Eleanor says: Am I a bad person for feeling this way, that's the question? Is there a world where I say, 'yes'? Of course not. Here's your permission: it's fine to feel mixed. It's fine to have not wanted kids. It's fine to feel complicated about their presence in your life now, or complicated about their mother. It's fine to feel frustrated by a particular child's behaviour. It's fine to resent the way stepmothers can get a raw deal, culturally – easily villainised, expected to handle the same challenges as biological parents, without the same decision-privileges. All this is fine to struggle with. What might not be fine is what we choose to do, given those feelings. You said that you're resistant to tolerating your stepdaughter when you never asked for her to be in your life in the first place. True, you didn't ask. But you were asked, and you said yes. You don't have to have a relationship with someone who has kids. You don't have to say yes to having a kid in your house, your time, your life. To be totally clear: having said yes does not mean you can't feel resentful sometimes. It doesn't even mean you have to keep saying yes. Heaven knows we all agree to things we're not thrilled with for the sake of our relationship: moving country, changing jobs, caring for their relatives. But it gets sticky if, once the bad bits show up, we reserve the right to be treated as someone who didn't sign up for this. Some decisions don't work like that. Especially with little kids. Your concern about this is totally right; you can really mess up a kid if ambivalence about your decision to be in their life becomes ambivalence in how you treat them. It's fine to not want a certain relationship with a child. What's not fine is agreeing to a relationship you don't really want, and then letting the child see that asterisk. That's true for biological parents, step-parents, foster parents. So perhaps instead of asking whether you're a bad person for having these feelings, you could ask what you'll say 'yes' to from here on. Some step-parents want to be a parent, no modifications. Others want to be more clearly delineated as a parent's partner. Counselling with her father would be a really good investment to make sure you both agree about which version of step-parenting you're trying to build. If you do decide to continue to be part of his life, he is a package deal. So then, the goal becomes how to process and move past these feelings, not to privately stand by their legitimacy. It might help to learn about psychology and development in five-year-olds. That may help you understand difficult behaviour, and how it comes from difficulties she's experiencing. Counselling for you, privately, could also remind everyone involved that your role is a hard one; that you deserve time and help to figure it out. It is OK to find this incredibly frustrating. But you want to be careful about saying yes to a certain version of life while still maintaining the backstop that it is not the life you wanted.
Yahoo
5 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
Woman's Dad Calls Her 'Selfish' for Refusing to House Her Cousin. But the Home Isn't Hers to Offer
NEED TO KNOW She thought picking her cousin up from the airport was no big deal until she heard where her cousin expected to stay Her dad's reaction left her stunned when she reminded him it wasn't her house to offer, as she lives with her mother Now, with her own plans conflicting with her cousin's arrival, tensions are only getting worseA woman turns to the Reddit community for advice following a complicated family situation involving her cousin's move to the UK. She shares her frustration after her dad assumed her cousin will be living with her and her mom, despite her mom having already made her stance clear. 'I live with my mum, and my relationship with my dad is separate,' she explains in her post, giving readers a glimpse into the dynamic. Her parents divorced 10 years ago after what she describes as 'a messy and traumatic relationship.' She mentions that her mother has since distanced herself from that side of the family. However, her mom remains polite and cordial with her ex-in-laws when necessary. The situation grows even more tense as the family continues to grieve the recent loss of her maternal grandmother. 'To make things even more emotionally difficult, my mum recently lost her own mum,' she shares, making it clear that her mother is already going through a tough time. When news of her cousin's move came up, her mom directly told her aunt that she would not be housing her niece. 'She said my dad should take responsibility for his niece,' the woman writes, adding that, as far as her mother was concerned, the matter was already settled. But despite this, her cousin, aunt and dad all seemed to assume her cousin would stay at her mother's house. This became clear when her cousin casually told her, 'I'd be picking her up from the airport.' Though she doesn't mind picking her cousin up, she clarified that she would be dropping her off at her dad's. To her surprise, her cousin looked confused and said, 'Nooo I'm coming to your house.' When she asked if her mother knew about this arrangement, her cousin insisted their mothers had spoken. However, when OP checked with her mom, she quickly found out that wasn't the case. 'My mum was like, 'I told them your dad should house her,' ' she recalls. This leaves her feeling caught in the middle of a situation that wasn't hers to begin with. Trying to straighten things out, she relayed everything to her dad. But her dad says that his living situation isn't ideal, as he lives with his girlfriend in a flat share. 'I said, 'She'll have to stay with you,' and he looked shocked,' she writes, clearly frustrated. He responded, 'Isn't she your cousin?' She didn't hesitate to clap back. 'Isn't she your niece?' she replied. She emphasizes in the post that it isn't her place to offer to house anyone, especially not at her mother's house. 'My mum has no obligation to house her ex-husband's relatives, especially not while grieving her own mother,' she explains. She points out that her mom was clear and respectful from the beginning, and yet, somehow, the issue has ended up back at their doorstep. OP admits she cares about her cousin and wants to support her, but she feels trapped. 'I feel caught in the middle of something that was never mine to handle,' she says, voicing her internal struggle. She wonders in the post if she's wrong for backing her mom or if she should be doing more. In a final twist, she shares that she won't even be able to pick up her cousin from the airport after all. 'She is landing while I'm away on holiday,' she reveals, explaining that she already told her dad he would have to handle it. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. But her dad doesn't take that news well, responding with attitude and frustration. 'He just gave me so much attitude, asking me why I didn't tell my cousin to choose a different flight and why I didn't let her know before she booked the flights that I'd be away,' she shares. Now, she's left questioning her role in the situation, wondering if she's in the wrong for standing her ground. Read the original article on People Solve the daily Crossword
Al Arabiya
5 hours ago
- General
- Al Arabiya
Rescuers Find Mom and Son Lost in California Forest Thanks to Notes They Left on a Remote Road
A mother and her 9-year-old son who got lost in a remote California forest while on their way to a Boy Scouts camp were rescued after a search crew found notes the pair had left behind. The notes, weighed down by rocks with HELP written at the top, said they were stranded up the road with no phone service. A volunteer search-and-rescue team that was training in the Sierra Nevada foothills found the pair Saturday, a day after they had set out for the camp, according to the Calaveras County Sheriff's Office. The woman and her son got lost on Friday after they left the Sacramento area and their GPS had directed them onto old logging roads deep into the forest, said Lt. Greg Stark, a spokesperson for the sheriff's office. They eventually lost their GPS signal and then got stuck about 10 miles (16 kilometers) from the nearest paved road, Stark said. They were reported missing the next day after not showing up at the camp. The county's volunteer search team initially narrowed down the pair's last known spot from a location-sharing app and then heard from campers who saw the woman's missing car a day earlier, the sheriff's office said. About four hours after being dispatched, the search team found the first note that read: 'HELP. Me and my son are stranded with no service and can't call 911. We are ahead up the road to the right. Please call 911 to get help for us. Thank you!' The team found a second note up the road and then, about a mile later, they found the woman and her son where their car had gotten stuck, the sheriff's office said. The pair had spent the night in the car with a cooler full of food and drinks they had packed for a few days at the camp, Stark said. Authorities credited the pair with alerting others where they were going and when they would arrive and staying where they were once they got lost. The boy also used his whistle to sound three short bursts–a signal for help that Scouts are taught. 'They did everything right,' Stark said. 'They put themselves in the best position to be found.'
CBS News
6 hours ago
- CBS News
Handwritten notes help searchers find mom and son who got lost in dense California forest
A mother and her young son who got lost in a dense California forest were rescued after search crews discovered handwritten notes the woman and boy had left behind, authorities said this week. The notes said "HELP" at the top and included information about where the pair was located, according to images posted on social media by the Calaveras County Sheriff's Office in Northern California. "Me and my son are stranded with no service and can't call 911," one note read. "We are ahead, up the road to the right. Please call 911 to get help for us. Thank you!" The sheriff's office said authorities received a report on Saturday afternoon that the 49-year-old woman and her 9-year-old son left the Sacramento area the day before and were on their way to a Boy Scout camp called Camp Wolfeboro. The mom and son "were overdue and not answering their cellular phones," the sheriff's office said. A volunteer search and rescue team that had been training in the area was deployed to look for them, equipped with information about a possible location noted in a location-sharing app. Later that evening, around 5:40 p.m., the team found a note at a Forest Service road intersection indicating that the mom and her son were stranded, the sheriff's office said. They followed the road and found a second note that listed a telephone number and the names of the mother and son. Searchers found them and their vehicle about a mile away in an isolated, dense forest location. Authorities said they learned that the mother and son had lost GPS signal after driving into the remote area and had been unable to retrace where they came from. They spent a night in their vehicle, with a cooler of drinks and food that they had packed for Camp Wolfeboro, according to Lt. Greg Stark, a spokesperson for the sheriff's office, The Associated Press reported. In an effort to help searchers, the boy had used his whistle "to periodically deploy three short bursts, an international signal for help," the sheriff's office said. They also turned their vehicle's hazard lights on at night. "Of importance in the successful outcome was their pre-trip notification of telling someone where they were going and when to expect them back," the sheriff's office said.
The Guardian
6 hours ago
- General
- The Guardian
Rescuers find mom and son lost in California forest thanks to ‘help' notes
A mother and her nine-year-old-son who got lost in a remote California forest while on their way to a Boy Scouts camp were rescued after a search crew found notes the pair had left behind. The notes weighed down by rocks with 'HELP' written at the top said they were stranded up the road with no phone service. A volunteer search-and-rescue team that was training in the Sierra Nevada foothills found the pair Saturday, a day after they had set out for the camp, according to the Calaveras county sheriff's office. The woman and her son got lost on Friday after they left the Sacramento area and their GPS had directed them onto old logging roads deep into the forest, said Lt Greg Stark, a spokesperson for the sheriff's office. They eventually lost their GPS signal and then got stuck about 10 miles (16km) from the nearest paved road, Stark said. They were reported missing the next day after not showing up at the camp. The county's volunteer search team initially narrowed down the pair's last known spot from a location-sharing app and then heard from campers who saw the woman's missing car a day earlier, the sheriff's office said. About four hours after being dispatched, the search team found the first note that read: 'HELP. Me and my son are stranded with no service and can't call 911. We are ahead, up the road to the right. Please call 911 to get help for us. Thank you!' The team found a second note up the road, and then about a mile later they found the woman and her son, where their car had gotten stuck, the sheriff's office said. The pair had spent the night in the car with a cooler full of food and drinks they had packed for a few days at the camp, Stark said. Authorities credited the pair with alerting others where they were going and when they would arrive and staying where they were once they got lost. The boy also used his whistle to sound three short bursts – a signal for help that Scouts are taught. 'They did everything right,' Stark said. 'They put themselves in the best position to be found.'
