Woman's Dad Calls Her 'Selfish' for Refusing to House Her Cousin. But the Home Isn't Hers to Offer
She thought picking her cousin up from the airport was no big deal until she heard where her cousin expected to stay
Her dad's reaction left her stunned when she reminded him it wasn't her house to offer, as she lives with her mother
Now, with her own plans conflicting with her cousin's arrival, tensions are only getting worseA woman turns to the Reddit community for advice following a complicated family situation involving her cousin's move to the UK. She shares her frustration after her dad assumed her cousin will be living with her and her mom, despite her mom having already made her stance clear.
'I live with my mum, and my relationship with my dad is separate,' she explains in her post, giving readers a glimpse into the dynamic. Her parents divorced 10 years ago after what she describes as 'a messy and traumatic relationship.'
She mentions that her mother has since distanced herself from that side of the family. However, her mom remains polite and cordial with her ex-in-laws when necessary.
The situation grows even more tense as the family continues to grieve the recent loss of her maternal grandmother. 'To make things even more emotionally difficult, my mum recently lost her own mum,' she shares, making it clear that her mother is already going through a tough time.
When news of her cousin's move came up, her mom directly told her aunt that she would not be housing her niece. 'She said my dad should take responsibility for his niece,' the woman writes, adding that, as far as her mother was concerned, the matter was already settled.
But despite this, her cousin, aunt and dad all seemed to assume her cousin would stay at her mother's house. This became clear when her cousin casually told her, 'I'd be picking her up from the airport.'
Though she doesn't mind picking her cousin up, she clarified that she would be dropping her off at her dad's. To her surprise, her cousin looked confused and said, 'Nooo I'm coming to your house.'
When she asked if her mother knew about this arrangement, her cousin insisted their mothers had spoken. However, when OP checked with her mom, she quickly found out that wasn't the case.
'My mum was like, 'I told them your dad should house her,' ' she recalls. This leaves her feeling caught in the middle of a situation that wasn't hers to begin with.
Trying to straighten things out, she relayed everything to her dad. But her dad says that his living situation isn't ideal, as he lives with his girlfriend in a flat share.
'I said, 'She'll have to stay with you,' and he looked shocked,' she writes, clearly frustrated. He responded, 'Isn't she your cousin?' She didn't hesitate to clap back. 'Isn't she your niece?' she replied.
She emphasizes in the post that it isn't her place to offer to house anyone, especially not at her mother's house. 'My mum has no obligation to house her ex-husband's relatives, especially not while grieving her own mother,' she explains.
She points out that her mom was clear and respectful from the beginning, and yet, somehow, the issue has ended up back at their doorstep. OP admits she cares about her cousin and wants to support her, but she feels trapped.
'I feel caught in the middle of something that was never mine to handle,' she says, voicing her internal struggle. She wonders in the post if she's wrong for backing her mom or if she should be doing more.
In a final twist, she shares that she won't even be able to pick up her cousin from the airport after all. 'She is landing while I'm away on holiday,' she reveals, explaining that she already told her dad he would have to handle it.
Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
But her dad doesn't take that news well, responding with attitude and frustration. 'He just gave me so much attitude, asking me why I didn't tell my cousin to choose a different flight and why I didn't let her know before she booked the flights that I'd be away,' she shares.
Now, she's left questioning her role in the situation, wondering if she's in the wrong for standing her ground.
Read the original article on People
Solve the daily Crossword
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
3 hours ago
- Yahoo
State pension mistake means nearly 200,000 owed up to £31,000
State pensioners could be missing out on THOUSANDS when they retire. BBC and ITV star Martin Lewis has issued a warning over a State Pension error - with some owed THOUSANDS. The issue saw parents and carers who took time off work between 1978 and 2010 to look after children due £100,000 or more when they retire, known as Home Responsibilities Protection (HRP). Mr Lewis says: "If you cared for a child or someone with a long-term disability between 1978 and 2010, you could wrongly have National Insurance gaps that reduce your State Pension. 100,000s could be affected, and while the Govt was contacting people, it isn't any longer - as highlighted by former Pensions Minister Steve Webb. READ MORE: PIP claimant takes DWP to court and wins after 'worst two hours of my life' READ MORE: Millions of Premium Bonds holders set to be handed 'unexpected' payment from NS&I READ MORE Next UK heatwave 'will be hotter than expected' with exact date it starts announced "Thus the onus is on you to proactively check. The impact can be huge." Home Responsibilities Protection (HRP) was given for full tax years (6 April to 5 April) between 1978 and 2010, if any of the following were true: you were claiming Child Benefit for a child under 16, you were caring for a child with your partner who claimed Child Benefit instead of you, you were getting Income Support because you were caring for someone who was sick or disabled OR you were caring for a sick or disabled person who was claiming certain benefits. National Insurance credits for parents and carers replaced HRP from 6 April 2010. Former pensions minister Sir Steve Webb described the gaffe as "a hammer blow to over 100,000 mothers who are receiving reduced state pensions because of errors on their National Insurance record." He said: 'The Government's letter-writing campaign has been a dismal failure, and this was entirely predictable given its reliance on a complicated online claims process.' One woman emailed the team at Mr Lewis's Money Saving Expert to share that she received 15 years' worth of back pay from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC), totalling a staggering £31,674. A Labour Party government spokesperson said: 'We are determined to help people who have been left out of pocket as a result of historical errors which are no fault of their own. That's why we wrote directly to over 370,000 of those who were potentially affected and launched an online tool to help people check if they needed to claim. 'We carried out an extensive campaign to raise awareness of the issue and will continue regular communications to get people to check their National Insurance record.'
Wall Street Journal
5 hours ago
- Wall Street Journal
‘The Roma' Review: A People and a Prejudice
The Roma arrived in Europe hundreds of years ago from present-day Rajasthan in northern India—and they still aren't welcome in many quarters. For centuries their lot has been hatred and prejudice, persecution and poverty. They have been enslaved and oppressed, expelled from some countries and marginalized in others. Today there are an estimated 10 million to 12 million Roma scattered throughout Europe, where they are sometimes called the Continent's largest ethnic minority. Until recently, they were known as Gypsies, a now mildly offensive term coined several hundred years ago in the erroneous belief that the dark-skinned foreigners had come from Egypt. The word 'rom' means 'man' or 'husband' in the Romani tongue, a language related to Sanskrit. There are enough stories of Romani suffering, past and present, to fill many volumes, but Madeline Potter, the author of 'The Roma,' adds a new perspective. Without overlooking or playing down the Roma's tragic history, she celebrates Romani arts and folklore, honors individual heroes and heroines, and praises the resilience that has ensured the Roma's survival. Ms. Potter is herself Roma, born in Romania in 1989, and is currently a teaching and research fellow at the University of Edinburgh. Her book adroitly blends personal memoir and academic research to craft a deeply sympathetic picture of Romani life over the centuries.
Yahoo
6 hours ago
- Yahoo
It's time to shorten school holidays and end six weeks of childcare hell
My eldest son Rafferty finishes nursery this week. It feels funny writing that down because I've been in denial about it for a while. Not for any sentimental reason (though there is a touch of that) but because the arrival of the summer holidays fills me with so much panic that I've chosen, rather unwisely, to stick my fingers in my ears and pretend it's not happening. Surely a shorter school holiday would be far more manageable – for all families? In fact, 53 per cent of all parents – single, married or otherwise – surveyed by Parentkind last week would prefer that the summer break was cut to a month. Tempting, no? I've even had to mute the nursery WhatsApp group too, because it's become the holiday camp headquarters. Parents are trading secret codes, exchanging insider tips and demonstrating levels of forward planning that terrify me. For the uninitiated, these holiday camps are action-packed days of fun hosted by schools and sports clubs – and a way to enable parents to carry on working as normal-ish out of term time. Thank goodness they exist, frankly. But they do have their downsides. For starters, they are expensive, at about £250 a week. And most of them finish at 3pm – perfectly reasonable, unless you're trying not to get sacked. You usually have to pack a lunch, too, which sounds like nothing – but over half-term was somehow the straw that broke me. Add to that the co-ordination: trying to match up camps with your kid's friends, so they don't end up in a random scout hut with a bunch of strangers and a deflated parachute. Hence the WhatsApp group chatter. I really must unmute. A unique kind of pressure Dr Ally Tomlins, a consultant clinical psychologist, sees my brand of seasonal stress all the time in her clinic. 'The summer holidays are often painted as a time of joy and togetherness, but for many families they can bring a unique kind of pressure,' she says. 'The mental load on parents can become overwhelming. They're juggling logistics, childcare, work commitments, sibling squabbles and the invisible labour of trying to 'make memories' while everyone is a bit hot, tired and off-routine.' Tell me about it. Rafferty usually loves a holiday camp. His days are spent leaping on giant inflatables, playing football and larking about. On one occasion, I showed up early to surprise him and he made me promise never to do it again. But that doesn't stop the guilt. At the end of my working day, I know that I'll still be scrolling Instagram feeling bad that he isn't doing something 'immersive' with dinosaurs, petting llamas with me at the zoo or flying to Mauritius. To be fair, I haven't made things easy for myself. I'm a solo mother by choice, so I can't swap out with a co-parent, because there isn't one. The burden of six weeks without childcare falls squarely on my shoulders, and as I'm self-employed, taking time off is its own financial and logistical maze, although luckily my youngest Milo, 16 months, has year round care at his nursery. But at least I knew what I was letting myself in for; many single parents didn't. Should we make it a month? Should we actually make it a month-long break, instead of the dreaded six weeks? Although it sounds appealing to adults, it may not really be the right thing for our kids. Dr Tomlins offers her perspective. 'Children benefit hugely from unstructured time,' she says. 'Long holidays give space to decompress, play deeply and develop life skills that don't fit neatly into a school timetable. So rather than shortening the holiday outright, we might focus on how we scaffold it better, with accessible community activities, safe spaces to play, and support for parents to manage their own wellbeing.' Grandparents are increasingly part of that solution – with more than half helping out while their children are at work. SunLife Insurance estimates that they save UK parents up to £96 billion a year in childcare costs. However, mine are, ahem, cruising the Norwegian fjords as we speak for their 50th wedding anniversary. How can I begrudge them that? Plus, they are in – or approaching (before my mother disowns me) – their eighties, there's only so much I can reasonably expect them to do. Thankfully, I have an exceptional support network around me, which helps. There are neighbours and friends who'll help with drop-offs and pick-ups and who can take the kids for playdates on the days I haven't been able to shell out for 'extended hours'. That stuff is gold dust when you're working full-time, solo parenting – or both. For once, the Europeans want to be more like us Looking at our European counterparts – where 12-, 13- and even 14-week breaks (gah!) are the norm in many countries – maybe I should count my blessings. In Lombardy, where three-month summer holidays are standard, mental health appointments with parents rise by up to 40 per cent every summer compared with the rest of the year. A petition with more than 70,000 signatures was even delivered to the Italian senate demanding holidays more in line with the British system. So perhaps I'll pipe down – or at least try to chill out. 'Intentional parenting with a light touch' could also help. 'That means approaching the holidays not as something to survive or perfect, but as an opportunity to pause, reset and connect in small, meaningful ways,' says Dr Tomlins. 'Start by getting clear on your values. What do you really want your children to remember from these weeks? It's usually not the expensive outings, but the moments of playfulness, calm and feeling seen. And remember: 'Good enough is great'.' And – as every adult born pre the digital age knows, getting bored is an essential part of the summer holiday routine. Dr Tomlins adds, 'If the goal is joy and connection, you don't need to entertain your children every minute. In fact, boredom is a gateway to creativity. Give them time to be 'delightfully under-stimulated' – it supports emotional regulation and independence.' Music to my ears – now that I've removed my fingers from them. Small, spontaneous moments of playfulness feel achievable. I can feel my shoulders drop just thinking about the holidays in that way. A camp-free day here and there to spend intentional, quality time together feels like a revelation. Suddenly, I can look forward to a day off to get really involved in Rafferty's latest Lego creation or to play swingball with him in the garden. As Dr Tomlins puts it: 'Summer can bring both joy and tension. My advice is to lower the bar and raise the connection. Focus on small wins: a shared laugh; a moment of calm; a soft evening spent side by side. That's where the joy of childhood and family life really lives.' She's right, I think. Just last week, Rafferty and I did some 'gardening' together, which mostly involved him painstakingly spraying all the plants with his tiny water pistol and then sweeping up the odd leaf with a dustpan and brush. He's still talking about it now. I won't pretend I'm looking forward to every minute of the summer. I know there will be moments when I want to hide in a cupboard – and possibly will. But perhaps I'll go in with lower expectations – and that reminder from Dr Tomlins on the fridge: 'Good enough is great'. See you on the other side. Dominique Afacan's newsletter, Nesting, is on Substack Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more. Solve the daily Crossword
