Latest news with #grief
Times
43 minutes ago
- Health
- Times
Should I crash my son's gap year?
An empty nest hits some parents harder than expected and Michelle Obama recently admitted to having therapy to deal with hers. I'm the same age as Mrs O, a 'nan-aged' empty-nester who had two sons in my late thirties and early forties. However, after the sudden accidental death of my elder son, Jackson, in September 2023, at the age of just 21, it's fair to say my nest is even emptier than the former first lady's. Emptier, indeed, than I ever imagined it could be. I haven't had therapy and found other ways to get through. Yet towards the end of 2024 I'd all but exhausted my coping strategies when my partner was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and rushed into surgery. To deal with yet more extreme stress I chose to retreat; to batten down the hatches to get through what promised to be another tough winter, at the end of the cruellest year of my life. If this wasn't tough enough, while navigating profound personal loss and illness I lost friendships too. Inevitably, as so many testing, unanticipated chapters of my life unfolded, not everybody in it was able to stay on the same page. Still, while in this peculiar holding pattern I had sufficient wherewithal to suggest to my 18-year-old son, Rider, that after the worst year of his life — coinciding with his A-levels — he should probably embark on his richly deserved gap year even sooner than he had planned. With my partner about to start three months of postoperative preventive chemotherapy and Rider's friends scattered to uni or on travels of their own, there was little to look forward to at home, in the House of Absolutely No Fun Whatsoever. The Bank of Mum and Dad — albeit separated and repartnered for many years — ensured Rider boarded a flight to Brisbane on December 5 last year. At the other end he was met by my Aussie half-brother, Jonny, sister-in-law, Felicity, and two of my three nephews, Dominic, 10, and Memphis, 14 months, whom I'd never even met myself. It had been 16 years since I'd last visited Australia (along with a six-year-old Jackson) and 12 years since my Australian family had visited me; the latest addition to their family was born exactly a month to the day after Jackson had died. Given that my Aussie-born, UK-based father died in 2019 and my Aussie mother (who returned to Australia 45 years ago) died in 2020, during Covid, what remained of my diminished gene pool was quite suddenly all on the other side of the world. While I was born in the UK and have lived the whole of my adult life here I felt an umbilical tug. The thing is, my earliest memories are of the year I spent in Oz, aged three, when my mother had a trial separation from my father and took me 'home' — she was a country girl, having grown up on an 80,000-acre sheep station on the New South Wales/Victoria border. My parents eventually reconciled (for a few years) and I returned from my free-range year roaming the Australian bush to the suburbs of London. Accessorised by a tan and a broad Aussie accent, I defaulted to 'steereo' for stereo (a word used more often in the 1960s/1970s than today!) for years. After his arrival I gave Rider long enough to get over the jet lag and used to the high-summer heat before I started begging for pictures and updates via WhatsApp … Poor kid! Previously he and his brother had navigated the usual blended family's revolving doors ('Make sure you phone Mum on Mother's Day … I'll buy the card for Father's Day …'). They had each other's backs; now, tragically, Rider faced a future navigating the demands of his separated-but-equally-bereaved parents all by himself. His father and I inevitably both want big pieces of him while recognising he needs a new space for himself, free from our neediness; inevitably a tough balancing act for all. In the meantime, however, thank God for WhatsApp. 'What do you think of Australia so far?!' 'Amazing. I love it!' 'Good to hear! Show me the view!' Rider turned his phone around, waving a 'tinny' at a sunset over the gum trees with a twinkling Southern Cross emerging in the early evening sky. I sighed. 'That looks fantastic. Have the best time. Love you loads …' It really was a visceral tug. Yet I knew it was for the best that Rider remained a long way away from home during yet another emotionally bleak winter. Shortly before he died Jackson said that 2023 had been 'the perfect summer'. And now, if only by default in the light of his death, 2023 had become my 'perfect summer' too. Yet, once again, summer — the metaphorical and the real one ahead — seemed very far away, while future 'perfect summers' felt impossibly out of reach. Meantime I battened down the hatches once more. As my partner embarked on three months of chemotherapy I wanted to be there for him. However, (if all went well) afterwards I also wanted to reclaim space for myself. • 35 of the best things to do in Australia As Rider celebrated Aussie Christmas in Queensland — barbecue, swimming, cricket, hitting Surfers Paradise bars and clubs with his eldest cousin, Jordan — I hatched a plan. By the time he'd travelled to Sydney for New Year before arriving in Melbourne, I knew what I needed to do. Though how would my son feel if I crashed his gap year? Have you ever joined your child on their gap year? Let us know in the comments below
BBC News
8 hours ago
- Entertainment
- BBC News
Grieving mother from Maidenhead wins book award for memoir
A woman who has grieved the death of a child, lived with cancer and a struggled with IVF has won an award for her Mayling from Maidenhead, Berkshire, titled her book "The Future is Rosie" in honour of her late said she was "super proud of it" after she won the People's Book Prize Beryl Bainbridge Award earlier this 2004, Ms Mayling set up Rosie's Rainbow Fund, a charity supporting very sick and disabled children and their families. Her 11-year-old daughter Rosie died from vasculitis, a rare condition that destroys blood vessels by causing inflammation, on 14 May Mayling said she remembers Rosie "was a completely well child", adding that the family still does not understand how she became her daughter's death, she said the family "were sent back to our normal life but the bottom had fallen out of our world"."There's an awful lot in the book, it's not only about grief, there's an awful lot more," said Ms author explained it covers how she founded the charity, her "five-year journey with IVF", how she has raised her children and lived through breast cancer. 'Joy to be found' Speaking to Radio Berkshire, she said: "I hadn't originally intended for it to be a book, it was just my life, the rollercoaster of my life."It didn't really ever cross my mind that anyone would want to publish my story."She said friends and family encouraged her to write the book and diaries she has kept throughout her life helped her revisit her memories. "It was quite difficult and I just had to face my demons and get on with it," she said, describing finishing the book as "a bit of an epiphany"."I believe that despite anything that you go through, whether you go through the worst possible grief or the worst possible journeys and ups and downs, that actually there is joy to be found at the end of it," she said. You can follow BBC Berkshire on Facebook, X (Twitter), or Instagram.
Yahoo
9 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
Graduates in Zhytomyr Oblast spend their last school day at grave of classmate killed by Russians – photo, video
Eleventh-graders spent the Last Bell ceremony (the celebration is carried out just after all the studies are finished but before the final exams) at the grave of their classmate killed by the Russians in Zhytomyr Oblast. The life of 17-year-old Roman ended in a Russian attack on 25 May during the attack on Korostyshiv. His brother and sister, 8-year-old Stanislav and 12-year-old Tamara, were killed along with him. Source: Lyceum (specialised secondary school) No. 1 named after Hustav Olizar Details: After the last lesson, the graduates did not take photos. Instead, they went to the cemetery to visit their friend. They brought toys, cards and pieces of cake, as it was Tamara's birthday on 29 May. Roman, Stanislav and Tamara were killed in a Russian attack on 25 May Photo: Korostyshiv City Council Lyceum No. 1 named after Hustav Olizar "The Last Bell ceremony, which should have been full of joy, hugs, tears of happiness and farewell to school, turned into a day of silence, grief and deep pain," wrote teacher-organiser Yuliia Skok. The class teacher of the 11th grade held the ceremony for the children right at the cemetery. "No loud bells, no loud music. But with deep awe, respect, and love. This bell will ring in their hearts forever. Today, we have once again felt how the war steals not only lives but also childhood, youth, holidays, and memories that should be warm…" the post reads. Background: Russia launched a large-scale attack on Ukrainian cities on the night of 24-25 May. As a result, three children from the Martyniuk family, 8-year-old Stanislav, 12-year-old Tamara and 17-year-old Roman, were killed in Zhytomyr Oblast. Their parents survived. Support Ukrainska Pravda on Patreon!
Daily Mail
11 hours ago
- Health
- Daily Mail
Sister comes to niece's rescue after her mum was killed in shocking murder-suicide
The grieving sister of a woman gunned down by her husband in a suspected murder-suicide has rushed to care for her nine-year-old niece. Krystel and James Paul, both aged 41, were found dead in their home in Mount Sheridan, south of Cairns, on Tuesday night. Police discovered the high school sweethearts' bodies with gunshot wounds in the bathroom and main room of their Verbena Drive home at about 7pm. Mount Sheridan local Danna Lancini said the couple's scared nine-year-old daughter came to her home moments after they heard gunshots. The girl was in complete shock and struggled to speak. 'I had to comfort she told me that her mum was dead,' Ms Lancini told the Cairns Post. 'The girl said "my dad sent me here because she's dead".' Krystel's sister, Jasmin Bolt, said on Saturday that she and her mother would be raising the nine-year-old girl. 'Mum and I will be looking after (Krystel's) daughter,' she said on a GoFundMe page she set up. 'We're trying to navigate through this hard time and I need to make sure (she) is financially secure for her future, to help with schooling moving forward. 'I'm new to this "Go Fund Me" stuff but I was told by a few family members that I should start one. 'Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.' In the space of seven hours, the page raised $15,705 of the $50,000 target. Police don't believe the girl witnessed the incident. 'However that still doesn't take away from how traumatising that will be for that child and the family members and friends moving forward,' Detective Acting Inspector Alina Bell said. The Pauls didn't have a domestic violence or mental health history and were not known to police. 'It's always possible that things go on behind closed doors that family, friends and police are not aware of,' Det Bell said. 'But our investigations have indicated to date that there is no indication that there was any domestic violence within that relationship.' Multiple firearms were located in the home, all registered to the husband. Domestic violence advocate Sherele Moody said on Thursday she received messages from someone close to Ms Paul, which gave an insight into her final moments. 'Krystel Paul had packed her bags, put them in the boot of her car and was walking out the door. He shot her to death,' she wrote on her social media page. 'This is why women don't report. This is why women don't leave.' Ms Moody's foundation, Australian Femicide Watch, listed Ms Paul as the 31st woman killed in a domestic violence incident in Australia this year. No residents on Verbena Drive have recalled any indication of domestic violence over the two years the couple lived in the recently built home.
Malay Mail
12 hours ago
- General
- Malay Mail
Three burials and a wedding: Family bids farewell and welcomes bride in same weekend after Kuala Krai-Gua Musang crash
KOTA BARU, May 31 — Although still grieving the loss of three loved ones in a road crash, Hasmah Awang, 60, and her family decided to carry on with her son's wedding, scheduled to take place today in Besut, Terengganu. She said her third child, Muhd Syafiq Abdul Rahim, 24, solemnised his marriage, accompanied by his youngest sister, Siti Zulaika, 21, and several close friends. Other family members managed the funeral arrangements for her eldest daughter, Nurul Ain Abdul Rahim, 39, as well as her granddaughter Nur Atikah Najihah Mohd Shah Penilzain, 18, and husband, Mohamad Faris Kamaluddin, 24. The three were killed in a collision involving a Perodua Myvi and an express bus on Jalan Kuala Krai-Gua Musang yesterday. 'We will hold a tahlil prayer tomorrow, which was initially planned as a reception to welcome our new daughter-in-law,' Hasmah told reporters at Kampung Kayu Rendang, Melor, here today. Hasmah and her husband, Abdul Rahim Mat Diah, 71, were unable to attend Muhd Syafiq's solemnisation ceremony as they were preparing for the burial, scheduled after Zohor prayers at the Kampung Jambu Merah Cemetery in Kota Bharu. She said the family is still awaiting the remains of Nurul Ain, while the bodies of Nur Atikah Najihah and Mohamad Faris are expected to be taken to Johor Bahru. Her other daughter, Siti Zubaidah, 37, said the family was shocked by the incident as they had planned to gather in their hometown for Muhd Syafiq's wedding celebration. 'I first heard about the accident from our youngest sister, but I didn't believe it until Syafiq himself called and showed me a photo of the car they were in,' she said. — Bernama
