My Boss Asked Me to Examine Various Moles on His Body. It Doesn't Stop There!

Yahoo

17-07-2025

Good Job is Slate's advice column on work.
Dear Good Job,
My boss is an epic hypochondriac. He is forever obsessing over his latest ache or pain. Now that we've all returned to working at the office post-COVID, he wears an N95 mask all day long. He will describe symptoms he thinks he is experiencing and has even asked me to look at various moles on his body (thankfully in non-intimate places) to ask if I think he should have them removed.
He has me chasing down information online about the latest malady he thinks he has daily, and it's affecting my ability to get my actual work done. I'm not the only one he assigns these 'research duties' to, and we are all sick of it. The human resources department at our company is beyond useless, so going to them would be a waste of time. Any suggestions?
—Involuntary Infectious Disease Researcher
Dear Involuntary Infectious Disease Researcher,
Your boss does seem to have a real illness, but it has nothing to do with moles. I can't diagnose him through a letter, but you might be right that he has hypochondria. Also known as intense health anxiety, it is a form of mental illness that can be disruptive and dangerous, but treatable. Two main syndromes are defined in psychiatry's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: illness anxiety disorder, or excessive fear of developing a medical condition, and somatic symptom disorder, which involves excessive concern about physical symptoms. The COVID pandemic exacerbated many people's health anxiety. (Masking at work isn't necessarily a sign of hypochondria, though; dangerous respiratory diseases are still circulating.) The availability of Dr. Google has created a new twist on hypochondria called 'cyberchondria,' or excessive searching for medical information. You aren't your boss's psychiatrist, and this (among other things!) is definitely not your job, but you or one of your colleagues could tell him that intense worry about health is getting more medical attention as a common and treatable problem—and potentially nudge him toward seeking help.
If nobody on staff feels comfortable having this conversation, there are other ways to get out of being his unwilling physician assistant. You could tell him that you're simply too busy with your actual work to help search for medical information. You could say that it's inefficient for you to do these searches since you aren't experiencing the symptoms yourself and wouldn't know what to follow up on. Or try the privacy approach: His perceived symptoms might lead to a diagnosis he wouldn't want to share, and out of respect for his privacy, you don't think it's appropriate for you to dig into the medical literature. There's also the 'this is too serious for me' option: 'I don't feel qualified to evaluate and discuss information about health conditions, but the doctors covered by our employer's insurance can help.'
Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here!
Dear Good Job,
I work for a company that is going out of business at the end of the year. I have been told I'll receive a severance package, but I've had a few potential employers express interest in me. I don't want to leave my already understaffed store without the help they need, but I know I need to protect myself in an uncertain job market. Nothing has been offered directly to me yet, but I'm very tempted by one potential employer. The employer I'm interested in knows my current employer well, and I'm scared my current employer will find out I'm on the hunt and fire me preemptively. He's known for making snap decisions. How do I know when/if to jump ship?
—Should I Stay, or Should I Go Now?
Dear Should I Stay, or Should I Go Now,
Your current employer did the right thing by admitting that the company is going out of business. And they are right to offer severance to reward people who stay until the end. Did they tell you how much severance? If it's, say, three months' worth of your salary or more, it would probably make financial sense to stay. You could use the severance-funded time to do a thorough job search, and maybe take some time off between jobs. But if they're being vague about the amount, or if you're worried the severance could disappear when the company does, don't let it tie you to a doomed employer. Companies fire people all the time for their own reasons; you have every right to quit for yours.
It sounds like you need more information, and I think it's worth the risk to have honest-ish conversations with both your current and potential employers. I suggest you start with the latter. Tell them you feel a sense of loyalty to your existing team. (Taking your job seriously makes you even more attractive as a potential hire.) Follow up by saying that you admire the future employer's work and are intrigued by the possibility of joining them. It's usually a good idea in a job interview (or pre-interview) to express enthusiasm for the future employer, which explains why you're talking with them despite your loyalty to your current job. Say explicitly that you would like to keep this conversation confidential for now since you're not actively looking for work. A potential employer should never share hiring conversations, period, but people are lousy at secrets, and it's reasonable to confirm that they won't mention it elsewhere.
The potential employer's response will tell you a lot about whether you want to work there: Do they respect your privacy? Are they open about their timeline for hiring you? If they do make an offer and want you to start right away, you could use your dilemma during negotiations. Mention that you would be giving up a severance package if you leave your other job before the end of the year … but if there's room to increase their salary offer, that would make your decision easier.
If you decide to stay in your current job, you could use these overtures to push for more information or opportunities. Tell your boss you appreciate his honesty about the company going out of business. Say you'd like to stay to the end, and you have not been looking for a job, but you have been approached by potential future employers. If Mr. Snap Decisions looks like he's about to blow a gasket, backtrack by telling him you just thought he deserved to know that competitors are taking an interest in his employees, and cut the conversation short.
But assuming your current employer doesn't want to lose you, this would be a natural time to ask for more information about the severance package, and to get it in writing. The company is understaffed, and closing down a business is complicated, so there might be opportunities for you to take on interesting new responsibilities and develop different skills. Tell your boss you're hoping to make the most of the next few months in the job and you'd like to find out more about what you can contribute. You might even be able to get a new title by the end that could help you get a job at the next level, wherever you land next.
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Dear Good Job,
I've finally managed to escape a toxic and dangerous work environment that caused a lot of overall stress and harm to my overall well-being. I was offered a new job, and I am two weeks in. It is in the realm of what I want to be doing. My stress levels aren't as high, and I don't fear working in an unsafe environment.
However, there's a downside. I am struggling with feeling as though I've become a babysitter to the older residents who are residing there while receiving medical care. That is not part of the job description. They have aides, they are just not always present in the areas where I am assigned, but the aides should be around at all times due to the fall risks of some of the residents.
Well, the inevitable happened. An unmonitored resident fell while I was leading a program. I felt awful. They couldn't speak to answer questions, which made matters worse. English is also not their first language. I spent my entire day off ruminating on what happened and thinking about whether I should be working here. I never received a reply or feedback from my supervisor after I messaged them about what happened. Any advice? I know looking for another workplace is a great solution, but it took me a year to land this job.
—What to Do?
Dear What to Do,
Congratulations on getting out of your terrible last job and finding this new one. The learning curve for any new job can be steep and unsettling. It's natural to ruminate on work problems, especially at the start. Give yourself time to understand the workplace better, and give yourself grace to know you're doing your best in an imperfect environment. Be patient with yourself and your co-workers as you learn this new job while still recovering from the trauma of the old one.
As a new hire, you'll naturally have a lot of questions. Ask your supervisor for a check-in after your first few weeks. Don't mention their lack of response to your message; your supervisor might have too many messages to monitor, and you don't want to set them up to be defensive. Instead, say you want to make sure you understand your responsibilities and proper procedures. Among other things, you want to know how you can help protect the residents if they're unaccompanied. (Avoid the word 'babysitter,' which sounds disrespectful.) If their aides aren't present, should you alert your supervisor? Or the aides' supervisor? Go seek the aides out yourself? Or should you monitor residents when they're participating in one of your programs? If this responsibility wasn't in your job description, well, job descriptions are often incomplete, and you need to know what's really expected of you before you make any decisions about whether to stay, go, or stay and fix it.
If the residents aren't being cared for properly, the problem could be a poor policy, imperfect enforcement of good policies, or a lack of awareness about the policies. In any of these cases, you might be noticing problems with your fresh eyes that long-time employees overlook.
—Laura
We rented a beach house for a week and invited our neighbors, 'Glen and Gina,' across the way to spend a day or two with us since they mentioned they didn't have the funds for a vacation this year. Our two kids and their three kids are around the same age. They get along and have had sleepovers before. It was fine the first day, but on the second, Gina and I took the kids down to the water and there was an ice cream truck.