The '24-hour rule' can help defuse tension in couples' conflicts

The Star

23-05-2025

The '24-hour rule' can help you process your emotions before responding to an event or conversation that could lead to a heated argument. — AFP
Are you the kind of person who gets carried away in an argument with your other half, only to regret your words afterward?
The "24-hour rule', a method suggested by an American psychologist, could help defuse the tension, giving you the space you need to tackle the situation with a calmer mindset.
It's a situation that most of us have probably experienced before: an offhand remark, a frustration or even a simple misunderstanding with your partner can send tensions soaring.
In the heat of the moment, emotions run high, and it can feel urgent to get things off our chest. In this case, arguments can blow up very quickly. While minor frictions within a couple are completely normal, some conflicts could be avoided – or at least handled more effectively – if we took time out before speaking to avoid saying things we might regret!
The American psychologist Mark Travers, who specialises in couples therapy, recommends a technique he has dubbed the "24-hour rule" to help defuse these kinds of explosive arguments as much as possible.
The idea is simple: in the event of disagreement, argument or any other tense exchange with your other half, allow 24 hours to pass before responding.
In other words, take advantage of this breathing space to ease the pressure before responding to an event or conversation that has gotten under your skin.
As you'll have gathered, the aim is to avoid letting your emotions get the better of you, and to talk things over with a clear head.
In an article published in January in Forbes magazine, the therapist extols the many benefits of his method for getting a grip of our emotions.
"Far from avoiding confrontation or downplaying the significance of an issue, the '24-hour rule' creates space for reflection and emotional regulation. By pausing, you can approach the situation with a calmer, more thoughtful mindset," he explains.
A vital asset
So what can you do during this 24-hour cooling-off period to avoid dwelling on the subject, at the risk of having the tension reignite as soon as you pick up where you left off?
If simply taking a step back isn't enough, Travers suggests doing relaxing and/or creative activities like yoga, meditation, writing, painting, brisk walking, etc.
"These practices give your mind the clarity it needs to separate the issue from the initial emotional charge," the specialist explains.
"The '24-hour rule' creates this vital space for reflection and understanding, enabling you to step back, assess the situation objectively and determine whether the issue is as pressing as it initially seemed or if it reveals deeper concerns needing exploration," he adds.
This approach can be extended beyond romantic relationships as a means to handle tense situations with family members, at work or in friendships.
"When you consciously take a step back from the situation, you train yourself to shift from a reactive mindset to a proactive one, creating space for rationality and perspective.
"Over time, this practice not only improves how you navigate conflicts but also enhances your overall emotional intelligence – a vital asset in any relationship," writes Travers.
So now you know what to do when you can feel an argument brewing with your partner, your mother, your colleague or your friend! – AFP Relaxnews