Coping with the death of a sibling: Hexham group offers hope
"It was such a bizarre experience, I think everyone just thinks siblings will be okay." After Emily Talbot's sister Elizabeth died in April 2021, she sought help for people who have experienced the loss of a sibling but found it was a grief often overlooked."When Elizabeth died, everyone kept asking me how my parents were, or how my aunt or my gran was, but nobody seemed to ask me how I was," she says.Failing to find the support she felt she needed, Emily decided instead to form her own group which now holds regular meetings in Hexham, Northumberland."It just seemed really limited, there were a couple of national charities which ran retreats and online groups but that's not for everyone, and I really wanted something in the evening that was local."In the end I thought 'well, if there's nothing out there I'll just have to set something up myself', but I was quite prepared that I might be sitting there by myself."
Emily's group, which gathers at Hexham Community Centre on the second Monday of each month, has met three times. "The last time we had nine people, with quite a few men too which was great," Emily says. "We have things in common, we went to the same schools, I even knew some of their siblings."We know each other now so if you are having a really bad day there's someone you can call and ask to go for a coffee."
Sophie Lowes, 23, from Mickley, near Prudhoe in Northumberland, has joined the group.Her sister Hollie Lowes died last year from a cardiac arrest. She had been diagnosed with a condition called Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome as a child but her death was completely unexpected. "She was such a loud, happy person with a five-month-old son and she was just a born mother," Sophie says "After she died I was so focussed on my parents and my nephew and the impact that it was having on them, I don't think I ever had time to come to terms with my own grief." Like Emily, she struggled to find a bereavement group specifically for siblings."When I saw some information about Emily's group I just thought 'yes'."Sometimes I feel crazy because I feel so tired, and I have memory loss, but you can sit in the room and say something that sounds insane and someone else in the group has felt the same way."
Emily says the absence of her only sibling will always be with her. "Sometimes I want to wring her neck because she's left me and she was supposed to be my wingman."I don't think I'll have ever have kids so it now feels like our little family stops with me." But the group means there are people there who know what it feels like to lose someone who shares so many memories."The nights are getting lighter now so we thought about having a barbeque," Emily says. "We're up for branching out and doing something else."It's a club none of us wanted to join of course, but hopefully I've done something positive in creating it."If you have been affected by any of the issues raised, help is available through BBC Action Line.
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