More Than Deep Breathing: The Science of Coping Strategies
If you've been a parent for long, you know that a big part of this role is the emotional labor that we exert to help our children deal with difficulties or challenges like these. Learning the best coping strategies for kids becomes a big part of our job.
When our children are babies, this is often fairly straightforward (although if you've had a colicky baby, maybe not). They cry. The only way they can communicate is through crying, but it often indicates a pretty solvable need. We feed them when they're hungry, change their diaper when they're uncomfortable, etc.
As our children get older, the experiences they go through and the challenges they face get more complex. We realize that we can't fix everything by just meeting their need in a very straightforward way. Like the upset teen driver or the frustrated toddler, we can't simply 'fix' their emotions.
In situations like these, there's almost no way for us to save them from the discomfort and anguish that come with these experiences. So what do we do? Try to bubble wrap our children so they don't experience pain? Unfortunately, even that's impossible since much of the pain is emotional.
As I was thinking about this, I started digging back into all the research I did for my dissertation, which was all about how mothers coped with going through a divorce.
I was reminded of the fascinating work that researchers have done studying different coping strategies. In psychology, they're usually grouped into two main categories: problem-focused coping, and emotion-focused coping.
These coping strategies are helpful to understand as parents, because we can start to model them for our children. Giving our children the tools they need to cope with different types of stress and emotional upset in healthy ways. Instead of trying to shield them from all stress or difficulties, this approach is perhaps the best gift we can give them to prepare them for adult life.
Think about this as filling your child's emotional toolbox with the skills they need to cope with stress effectively in healthy ways.
Problem-focused coping strategies for kids (action-oriented)
When facing a challenging situation, problem-focused strategies are the tangible things that you can do to overcome a problem. For example, if you feel like there's an unjust law in your community, you can write your representatives or go to City Hall to protest the regulation. Or if your car breaks down, you can take it to a mechanic and have it fixed. These are very tangible things you can do to deal with a stressful or difficult situation.
For children: These types of coping strategies can be taught by helping them think through different ways to solve a problem. For example, if your child's toy isn't working correctly, model for them how you think through different ways to solve the problem—is something stuck, is a piece missing, etc.
If your child is having a difficult time in school with a particular subject, you can help them work through problem-focused strategies that might help them, like getting extra help from the teacher, getting a tutor, etc.
Emotion-focused coping strategies for kids
Discussing emotion-focused coping is where it gets really interesting in terms of parenting. These are probably the coping strategies you hear the most about in parenting articles. These often come to mind when you think of the big emotions children often experience. For example, maybe your child is upset about a fight they had with a friend. Emotion-focused coping in this situation might be the regulation strategies they use in the moment to calm down if they're crying. These coping strategies for emotional overwhelm are things like deep breathing or distraction to take their mind off of it and physiologically calm down. These can be very helpful, but they're not the only way of coping that focuses on changing our emotional response.
There are other emotion-focused coping strategies that we can help our children learn.
This is one of those hidden strategies that people don't often discuss. We all, as humans, search for meaning in different ways, and especially in times of suffering or difficulty.
If we can help children think through and provide some meaning for the situation they're in, this can often be a very effective coping strategy. Sometimes people may think of this as sort of a false way of coping, but it's really not. For example, suppose someone loses a loved one to a devastating disease. In that case, they'll often find meaning in that situation by establishing a foundation to help raise money for research or to support those who suffer from that disease. These are all ways of finding meaning in stressful situations that provide a lot of comfort and ways for people to move forward.
For children: Meaning-making coping with children often requires your guidance to help them reframe the situation. For example, if your family pet passes away, you might help provide meaning to this situation by encouraging your child to collect pet supplies to donate to an animal shelter. Depending on your personal beliefs, meaning-making coping can also incorporate your religious or spiritual beliefs about what happens to loved ones when they die.
Why do coping strategies matter?
These are all just a few examples of the different types of coping strategies we can model for our children and teens. But why are these so important? Research tells us that we're currently experiencing a mental health crisis among our youth. The causes are still being debated, but we know that the more emotional tools our children have to cope with stress and difficulty, the better off they'll be as they develop.
Without effective coping strategies, teens (or adults) often turn to dangerous or unhealthy ways of coping—overuse of screens, self-harm, alcohol or drug addiction, or other risky behavior. Starting to model healthy coping strategies can help prepare your child for difficulties they may experience. Even if your child is four or five years old, you can start trying to talk to them about these different ideas they could try, even in simple situations with friends or during playtime. Ultimately, this will help them understand how to regulate their emotions and get through difficult situations.
Solve the daily Crossword
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
43 minutes ago
- Yahoo
Follow the '1-set rule,' eat popcorn, brush your teeth before breakfast — plus 5 more health tips to help you have a great week
Popcorn has healthy fiber, making it a great snack, experts say. Hello, health enthusiasts! My name is Kaitlin Reilly, and I'm here to round up this week's best wellness tips. Are you drinking less these days — or just more carefully considering how much you imbibe? If so, you're not alone: A recent Gallup poll found that many Americans are rethinking their relationship with alcohol. Today 53% of U.S. adults say moderate drinking is bad for your health, compared with just 28% in 2015. The increase is driven largely by young adults, but older adults are also more likely than ever to view even one or two drinks a day as risky. That leads to less drinking overall, with the Gallup poll finding that reported drinking by Americans was among the lowest in decades. What could be behind this change? It may have to do with shifting guidelines and attitudes around imbibing from public health officials. In January 2023, the World Health Organization officially stated that no amount of alcohol is safe for our health — and more recently, former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy stated that he wanted to place cancer warning labels on alcohol. That's a stark contrast from the beliefs many held about alcohol, including that a moderate amount of red wine was good for your heart. Drinking less can be good for your health: Alcohol disrupts your sleep, gut health and liver function. At a party and want to indulge? Consider swapping every other drink for water or having a low-sugar mocktail to reduce your overall consumption. Looking at the week ahead? Peek at your local weather forecast, then check out your horoscope if you're so inclined. Finally, find your 'one small thing' to do this week to improve your well-being. Here are some ideas. 🍿 Swap chips for popcorn If you crave salty snacks, swap out a bowl of potato chips for some air-popped popcorn, experts tell Eating Well. While both provide that salty crunch, popcorn has a nutritional leg up. 'Popcorn is a whole-grain snack packed with insoluble fiber, which adds bulk to stool and helps food move more efficiently through the digestive track,' dietitian Jessie Wong says. Plus, popcorn contains polyphenols, compounds that have antioxidant properties. Just skip drowning yours in butter, which adds extra saturated fat and calories. Instead, add some flavor by sprinkling on spices like cayenne pepper, cinnamon or even some nutritional yeast. 🕔 Eat dinner at this time The best time to eat dinner depends on when you're going to bed, with experts telling Prevention that you should aim to eat at least two to three hours before you hit the hay to help with digestion and get a better night's sleep. That's because as you get closer to bedtime, the body becomes 'less efficient at handling sugar, so late meals can lead to higher blood sugar and may disrupt sleep in some people,' dietitian Michelle Routhenstein explains. Plus, research has shown that people who eat dinner earlier are more likely to lose weight, while people eating later are more likely to gain it. Still feel hungry post-dinner? Go for a light, plant-based snack, experts recommend, and try to eat it at least one hour before you hit the pillow. Some good options are pistachios or cherries — they both contain melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. 🏋️ Do 'just one set' at the gym Become more efficient at building muscle by following this tip from Tom's Guide: Do just one set at the gym. New research published in the journal Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise found that individuals could build muscle by doing just one set of each exercise twice a week as long as they worked close to muscle failure each time. So, instead of eeking out a bunch of reps over multiple sets, focus on lifting as heavy as you can while still maintaining proper form, so you can burn out in just one go-round. You'll save time while still making gains. 🤳 Leave your phone outside your bedroom Dr. Craig Canapari, a pulmonologist and director of the Yale Pediatric Sleep Center, recently shared his list of tips for getting the best night's rest with Today. An easy one that you can follow right now is to leave your phone outside the bedroom, especially if you're prone to scrolling before shutting your eyes. Apps like TikTok could be keeping you awake, Canapari says, because they're 'calibrated to give these really short bursts of media back to back and tend to be incredibly engaging and difficult to unplug from.' Want to wind down? Try reading a book instead, or even engaging in a meditation practice. 🪥 Brush your teeth before breakfast It's an age-old debate: Is it better to brush your teeth before or after breakfast in the morning? Our friends at Women's Health spoke to dentists who have the answer: Brush right after you wake up, before you have anything to eat or drink. Not only will it squash 'horrible morning breath,' dentist Steven Katz says, but it will also 'remove the plaque and bacteria that developed overnight.' Plus, dentist Anjali Rajpal says that brushing with toothpaste before you eat protects your teeth from acid (like in a morning glass of OJ) by coating your teeth with 'protective fluoride, hydroxyapatite, calcium phosphate or other minerals.' 🏃🏿♀️➡️ Work out twice a week Only have time to work out a couple of days a week, like on the weekend? That's OK, according to research in the Annals of Internal Medicine. Women's Health reports that the study, which looked at individuals with type 2 diabetes, found that so-called weekend warriors still significantly lowered their risk of dying from heart disease when compared with those who didn't exercise at all. This follows previous research that shows that exercising on weekends offers the same reduced risk of 264 diseases as sweating it out during the week. While staying active as often as you can is ideal, if you're strapped for time, squeeze in as much exercise as you can when you have a few free hours: Go for a spin class or hike with friends instead of brunch, or run around with your kids at a park instead of heading to the movie theater. 🥫 Pick healthier versions of ultra-processed foods Ultra-processed foods have a bad rap — and for good reason. But a new report from the American Heart Association says not all of them are the same. While the organization recommends cutting back on these types of foods — think highly processed meats like hot dogs and sausages, as well as packaged cookies, chips and pastries — healthier options include 'certain whole grain breads, low-sugar yogurts, tomato sauces and nut- or bean-based spreads.' Overall, though, the problem with ultra-processed foods is that they can contain high amounts of fat, sugar and sodium and not enough nutrients, CNN reports. Keep them as a minimal part of your diet by picking whole foods like vegetables, fruit, nuts, eggs and fish whenever possible. 🙆 Practice wall Pilates Wall Pilates is exactly what it sounds like: Pilates you do against the wall — and as Women's Health reports, it's surprisingly challenging. The movements are based on the ones you'd find in a traditional Pilates class, except using a wall to improve stability, support and resistance. One move to try at home is the 'roll-up,' in which you lie on your back with feet flexed against a wall and arms overhead. Exhale as you curl up and reach toward your toes, then repeat for eight reps at a time. Your abs may burn, but you'll get stronger with every move. Solve the daily Crossword
New York Times
an hour ago
- New York Times
Why Do Screens Keep You Up? It May Not Be the Blue Light.
Experts have long warned about the dangers of blue light before bed. When exposed via smartphones, TVs, laptops and other devices, our brains suppress the production of the hormone melatonin, which normally makes you feel drowsy. As a result, you feel more alert, making it harder to fall — and stay — asleep. But the link between blue light and sleep is murkier than we thought, said Lauren E. Hartstein, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Arizona. She and other researchers have been taking a closer look at the evidence, which suggests that blue light alone may not be causing poor sleep. And in some cases, screen use could even help you drift off. Here's what studies on blue light actually suggest — and what may help you sleep more soundly. Research on blue light and sleep is mixed. Many of the available studies on blue light and sleep are old and are limited by their small sample sizes. They were also often performed in carefully controlled laboratories, so their results don't always reflect real life, Dr. Hartstein said. While it's true that blue light exposure can sink melatonin levels, the limited evidence we have suggests that screen use does not always cause this dip, said Mariana Figueiro, a scientist at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City who studies how light influences health. Some of Dr. Figueiro's research suggests, for instance, that how long you use your device for, how close it is to your eyes and how bright it is may play a role. One of her studies from 2013 found that using an iPad at full brightness for two hours caused melatonin levels to drop slightly, whereas using it for one hour caused no change. Another study from 2014 concluded that watching television from nine feet away had no effect on melatonin levels. And using an iPad at a higher brightness level may suppress melatonin more than using it at a lower brightness level, according to a 2018 study. What you do during the day may also influence screen-related melatonin drops at night. The more bright sunlight you're exposed to during the day, some research suggests, the less susceptible you may be to an evening dip. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
New York Times
an hour ago
- New York Times
Wildfire Fighters, Unmasked in Toxic Smoke, Are Getting Sick and Dying
The smoke from the wildfires that burned through Los Angeles in January smelled like plastic and was so thick that it hid the ocean. Firefighters who responded developed instant migraines, coughed up black goo and dropped to their knees, vomiting and dizzy. Seven months later, some are still jolted awake by wheezing fits in the middle of the night. One damaged his vocal cords so badly that his young son says he sounds like a supervillain. Another used to run a six-minute mile and now struggles to run at all. Fernando Allende, a 33-year-old whose U.S. Forest Service crew was among the first on the ground, figured he would bounce back from his nagging cough. But in June, while fighting another fire, he suddenly couldn't breathe. At the hospital, doctors discovered blood clots in his lungs and a mass pressing on his heart. They gave him a diagnosis usually seen in much older people: non-Hodgkin lymphoma, an aggressive cancer. It would be unthinkable for urban firefighters — those American icons who loom large in the public imagination — to enter a burning building without wearing a mask. But across the country, tens of thousands of people who fight wildfires spend weeks working in toxic smoke and ash wearing only a cloth bandanna, or nothing at all. Wildfire crews were once seasonal laborers who fit in deployments between other jobs. They might have experienced only a few bad smoke days a year and had the winter and spring to recover. Now, as the United States sees more drought and extreme heat, forest fires are starting earlier in the year, burning longer and expanding further. Firefighters often work almost year-round. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
