QUENTIN LETTS: Lucy the Leader rabbits away snippily. Can No 10 not find someone better?

Daily Mail​

5 hours ago

Where was Sir Keir Starmer? It used to be customary for PMs, on their return from summits, to hasten to the Commons to make a statement.
Downing Street 's gap-year traveller, back from his Canadian G7 jaunt on Wednesday afternoon, was yesterday still absent from Parliament. He was, you see, meeting England's Lioness footballers.
Was Sir Keir uninterested in what MPs thought about Iran-Israel and other crises? Did he not want us to see that he was as clueless as the rest of us as to what the White House might do? Or could he simply not be fagged with Parliament? What is the point of the Commons? Does it matter if ministers lie? Was Richard Tice completely sober at 11.15am? These were questions I scratched into my notebook as the mercury rose and the world went spinning towards its destiny.
Adrian Ramsey (Grn, Waveney Valley) at least tried. At weekly business questions he raised the reported view of Lord Hermer, Attorney General, that British military involvement in Iran would be illegal. It was 'critical', said Mr Ramsey, that MPs have their say.
Lucy Powell, Leader of the Commons, replied: 'Where there is sustained military action in which our troops could be involved, that would of course be a matter for the House to consider.'
The Green man, although sometimes a credulous Herbert, appeared to find this answer elastic. Who could blame him?
Can Ms Powell be trusted on anything? She sucks on her Mancunian teeth and rabbits away in a snippy fashion that is demeaning for a Leader of the House. I'm not sure I have seen one worse.
Commons Leaders in my journalistic time have included John Biffen, Jack Straw, John Wakeham, Margaret Beckett, Robin Cook, George Young, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Penny Mordaunt. All could hold a line with wit and, usually, an acknowledgment of the legitimacy of opposition. Ms Powell is more bludgeon than rapier. On the Government's rape-gangs volte-face she said, with sepulchral piety: 'We never ruled out returning to the issue of a national inquiry.'
Yes they did! Often. Sir Keir himself, on January 6, dismissed any inquiry, saying: 'This doesn't need more consultation. It doesn't need more research.'
Ms Powell's answer was that of a Little Britain character caught thieving chocolates – 'I never done it, honest' – as contraband Bounty bars clatter to the floor. It was risible. Absurd. Can No 10 not find someone better to fill this velvety berth? Not that business questions at present is up to much. New intake MPs read from scripts as they raised the most parochial issues. The chair, inexplicably, felt obliged to call all these plodders.
Richard Tice (Boston & Skegness) had a chance to assert Reform as the party for real people's concerns. Up he rose on his hind legs to ask Ms Powell to congratulate Nigel Farage and Angela Rayner on being named Britain's 'sexiest politicians' on some scuzzy website and to ask: 'Does she recommend that they have dinner together?' Good grief.
Later we were treated to Treasury minister Darren Jones. He's the one who made that peculiar claim about small-boat immigrants being mainly women and children. He unveiled a 'ten-year strategy on infrastructure'. Given how the Middle East is going, we might be lucky to last ten days.
Mr Jones spoke of efficiency, affordability and 'place-based business cases – I know this will be a huge relief'. He added, with pride: 'We will publish a new online infrastructure pipeline.' His £725billion vision involved, naturally, a new quango, the National Infrastructure and Service Transformation Authority. Its birth will be announced on the Court and Social pages and will entail godparent duties for retired mandarins and ministers. How nobly they do these things.
Last thing to note was the juxtaposition of two backbench discussions on yesterday's order paper. A debate on incontinence was followed by one on water safety education.