The Beckhams are right – parents should never buy their children a house

Telegraph

5 days ago

After providing their four children with a luxury life filled with prestigious prep schools, global travel and high-end designer goods, David and Victoria Beckham were probably as surprised as the rest of us were when they were recently accused of being tight towards their eldest son, Brooklyn.
Amid a bitter family feud involving Brooklyn's wife, Nicola, her billionaire parents have apparently accused the power couple of being stingy because they didn't contribute financially to the £11m mansion the young couple bought after their wedding. Instead, it is reported that they largely used her family's money to buy their dream home.
With a combined net worth of £500m, it's hardly as if the Beckhams couldn't afford to contribute. But they apparently chose not to because handing millions to their son on a plate is dead against their hard graft ethos.
Both originally from working-class backgrounds (though Victoria's father did infamously own a Rolls Royce at one point), they are said to believe that spoiling their children by handing them everything on a silver platter would send them the wrong message.
Well, I probably speak for a lot of people when I say I'm in absolute agreement with them.
Far from seeming mean, I can't have been the only one thinking this clash of values has left Victoria and David looking like the utterly sensible parents in this argument.
After all, unfettered access to money is one of the main reasons why so many children of rich parents end up being unhappy, dysfunctional, or both. It denies them one of the main drivers of self-worth that young adults can find today: achieving the things you want in life by working hard.
Of course, back in the real world, we mere mortals with normal jobs and incomes can only dream of having the means to help buy their children a first home outright. But among middle-class and wealthy parents, stumping up a sizeable deposit so their 20-something professional children can afford a dingy one-bed flat with single-glazed windows has become the done thing.
It's understandable, since getting on the property ladder is now harder than ever – one report claims it hasn't been harder for 150 years.
But I've recently come around to the idea that for parents of children who are capable working adults, giving them a leg or two up onto the housing ladder might not be the best way to help them at all. Conversely, although it may sound deliberately mean, I actually think it may be kinder to make them do it alone.
Now before Generation Z starts kicking off, I'm not suggesting for one second that parents shouldn't financially support their children, even into early adulthood. Since becoming a parent, pretty much every financial decision I make is now with my child's future at the front of my mind.
The vast majority of parents want to use their resources in the smartest way possible to give their offspring what they deem to be the best start in life. Privilege can be dished out in a million different ways according to people's wildly different values. But as the Beckhams rightly seem to be saying with their actions, making life's biggest achievements too easy for young adults can be a big mistake.
As far as adult milestones go, buying a house is up there with the most significant. If you manage to do it yourself, and your parents are not there to take any direct credit, all the better.
Some may cry that house prices and rents are now so high that homeownership is unachievable without financial support. Although it's undeniably difficult – and much tougher than it used to be – unachievable it is not.
Remember too that there is not one property market in the UK. Price differences between the regions and areas within regions is vast. Although some affluent areas may be very much out of reach for those buying without heavy assistance, lovely-sized homes in others may be perfectly affordable on an average salary.
Lots of people I know have managed it, myself and my husband included. The sense of satisfaction we are feeling in our 30s having bought and renovated our family home through hard work alone is something I would love our child to experience one day.
Our modest terraced house is certainly no Beverly Hills mansion, but it strikes me that Nicola and Brooklyn Peltz Beckham, along with others whose homes were purchased in significant part by the Bank of Mum and Dad, may never get to experience this feeling of achievement you get when you have 'made it' by yourselves.
That's why, instead of aspiring to help buy my son a house in the future, I would rather focus any money I happen to save for him on creating an environment that's geared towards him reaching his full potential and becoming fiercely self-motivated. I would like to provide him with the tools he needs to succeed on his own as an independent adult, but after that, I think the rest should be up to him.
I'm sure many would disagree, but I think parents' money would be better spent on private secondary education (or tutoring to get into a good grammar school), paying university fees to avoid crippling debts later, offering support during the early career years and providing the backing to take business risks that might pay off in the future.
It also occurs to me that resisting the temptation to subsidise our children's adulthood, simply because the goalposts are moving in the wrong direction, may be robbing them of the chance to rise to the challenge. It's even possible that if we all adopted the tough love approach, it might do wonders for the UK's productivity and the wider economy.
Naturally, everyone wants to help their own child get ahead, but if the Bank of Mum and Dad stopped paying house deposits tomorrow, I suspect house prices would fall overnight, therefore instantly helping solve the problem of homes being unaffordable to young buyers.
But of course this will never happen, and by the time I'm a 50-something parent of a 20-something year-old who is moaning down the phone about living in a damp, mouse-ridden hovel in a rough part of town, I'm well aware I may be forced to eat my words on all of the above.
For now, I applaud the Beckhams' refusal to hand their son the money for a house. There is no magic formula for raising happy and successful children, so we just have to follow our instincts and hope it works out.
But if we want them to achieve genuine financial independence as adults, we must think very carefully about the privileges we afford them both now and in the future.