More people are getting divorced in their 50s and 60s. 'Grey divorce' is 'scary, but also a relief,' says one Canadian woman
At 65, it's daunting to start a new chapter but Dafoe was adamant about prioritizing herself and her happiness. "It was getting really toxic and controlling. There was emotional abuse going both ways, but he blamed me for everything," Dafoe said. "And so we separated."
This article was originally published in February 2024.
Dafoe is one of many Canadians who are choosing to divorce later in life, in what's sometimes referred to as a "grey divorce."
Grey divorce has become increasingly prevalent in many countries, including Canada. According to Statistics Canada, the average age of marriage in 2019 was 35 years old, meaning people were choosing to marry at a later age than decades ago. Similarly, more data shows that divorces are occurring at increasingly older ages. In 2020, the average age of divorce was 46 years old.
The agency said, the "rise of grey divorce in Canada, which coincided with the arrival of the baby-boom cohort into this age group, was however quite modest compared with the doubling of levels observed in the United States over a similar period."
Experts attribute this rise to reasons like decreased stigma on divorce and marrying later in life, adding that there are unique challenges for those who divorce at an older age.
For Dafoe, she continued to live with her ex-husband for more than a year, which she noted was difficult. On top of that, there were the financial stressors that came with separation. But having the support of her family, who had "seen the signs" before she did, was reassuring.
Yahoo Canada spoke to experts to get insight into the rise of grey divorces and what someone might expect if they are divorcing at an older age. Here's what you need to know.
Grey divorce refers to the phenomenon of divorce among couples over the age of 50. These divorces often occur after decades of marriage and can present unique challenges related to financial security, retirement planning and emotional adjustment.
Though the rise of grey divorce can be attributed to factors such as longer life expectancies and changing attitudes towards marriage and divorce, Montreal-based divorce coach and researcher Ravit Rose said sometimes it's as simple as not feeling a connection anymore.
She added because there is less stigma towards divorce and people feel like it's more of an option now, people might very well want to try to be independent and leave arguments or disagreements behind.
"They start to realize that one has evolved much faster than the other one, and because they're not evolving at the same level, that disconnect causes them to want a divorce," Rose said.
Of course, she added there are also a myriad of other reasons why people choose to separate.
Rose is also the founder of the Irooze Divorce Community, where she and her team study the science of "nasty divorces" compared to "amicable divorces." After clients fill out an assessment, they are offered a consultation and referred to professionals who specialize in divorce.
For the women over 50 she has seen in the past six months, she said about half of them have no income and no separate savings account.
"When they're talking about getting divorced, their biggest worry is that they're not financially independent," said Rose. "They [say] things like, 'I feel petrified, I'm uncomfortable, I'm sad, I'm angry.'"
After decades of marriage, finances are often deeply intertwined. Untangling assets, pensions, retirement accounts and property can be complex and may require the assistance of financial advisors or legal professionals.
Splitting assets can also have significant implications for each spouse's financial security in retirement. In 2018, Statistics Canada reported senior women aged 65 and over are more likely to live in low-income households than their male counterparts.
Rose said the women who reported in their self-assessment as feeling more optimistic about their divorces were those who may have been the main income earners or felt more financially independent.
Other challenges for those going through a grey divorce include rebuilding social networks and support systems, navigating adverse effects on physical and mental health and finding new living arrangements.
Dafoe sold her shared property with her ex-husband in November 2023, and had been trying to find a new spot for last April. She found a group called Senior Women Living Together, where participants create a profile and try to find likely roommates. Arrangements like these can relieve financial stress from separation while building new networks and friendships.
Dafoe said that although it can be scary, moving in with the ladies she met in the group was something she'd been looking forward to. She added that she feels comfortable enough and hopes everything works out.
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18 minutes ago
- San Francisco Chronicle
Allianz Life confirms data breach affecting majority of 1.4M US customers
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Buzz Feed
2 hours ago
- Buzz Feed
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A weighted vest to increase bone density while walking According to Ho, "Weighted vests increase bone-loading stimulus, especially during walking or bodyweight exercises." To properly use a weighted vest for walking to help with bone density or osteoporosis, Medical News Today suggests trying out a vest without weights first, then adding the lowest possible amount and slowly increasing that amount over time. (It's generally recommended that you start with no more than 10% of your body weight, but always check with your physician first.)To do this, you may be best off with an adjustable vest like this one by Zelus, so you can change the weight. The vest comes in three sizes and two colors, with six removable weights on each vest. The vest is designed to evenly distribute the load, and the neoprene material is strong and comfortable. The vest is also equipped with reflective strips for visibility and a pocket to hold your keys, phone and other essentials. Promising review: "My workout program includes a daily walk/run. I have osteoporosis in my spine and I'd been looking for a weight vest to wear during my walks to possibly help rebuild bone density. I really like this vest because the straps are adjustable; there're pockets in the front to hold keys, tissue, etc.; it doesn't ride up or rub when I'm running; and the weights are easy to add and remove. The vest had a noticeable chemical smell when I first took it out the box, but the smell quickly dissipated after the vest sat out a couple days. All in all, it's great value for the money!" —E. R. RogersGet it from Amazon for $39.99+. A mini stair stepper to help you get in some weight-bearing exercise Improving your bone density can be as simple as getting your steps in. Who knew? "Other weight-bearing exercises such as walking, stair climbing, and aerobics also contribute to bone health," Longobardi said. 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A pair of comfortable, supportive shoes Whether or not you buy fancy equipment for your workouts, what you'll always want is a good pair of shoes. "Supportive footwear [is] essential for impact activities like jumping and jogging to prevent joint stress," Ho said, adding that proper footwear can help you avoid it comes to supportive and comfy shoes, we're Hoka fans here, and the Bondi 9s are podiastrist-recommended, to boot. Their plush cushioning and supportive construction have made them a cult favorite for the brand. You can get them in a bunch of colorways and men's sizes 7–16, as well as women's sizes 4– them from Nordstrom for $170 in men's or for $175 in women's. A foam balance pad for balance training Sellmeyer recommended some simple balance exercises, including "standing on each leg for 30 seconds two to three times each day, [and] doing the same standing on a foam balance pad which is more difficult." 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This is also a great way to work out with family or friends for something a little more exciting than a typical walk or weightlifting starter set from Recess Pickleball includes two durable fiberglass paddles with sweat-proof handles and three balls. The brand offers tons of color and pattern options, including the fun "Dog Day" doodles shown here, as well as sets with paddle cases, a gym bag and up to eight it from Amazon for $88.


San Francisco Chronicle
2 hours ago
- San Francisco Chronicle
The Tea app was intended to help women date safely. Then it got hacked
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