I was a big orca fan – but their skincare regime is giving me the ick
But new research is giving me pause. Now orcas in the Salish Sea off the coast of Washington state have been filmed picking kelp stalks and 'massaging' each other with them. In sightings of this behaviour, reported and dubbed 'allokelping' by the Center for Whale Research, 'the two whales then manoeuvre to keep the kelp between them while rolling it across their bodies … During contact, whales roll and twist their bodies, often adopting an exaggerated S-shaped posture.'
Whether this weirdly acrobatic seaweed exfoliation is more about skincare or social bonding is unclear, but it's fascinating. It's also, however, off-putting. There's a nauseating 'mud-daubed couples' cute spa selfie' or 'wearing matching thong swimwear to give each other a scrub at the mixed hammam session' vibe to this kelp massage business. It seems out of character for my orca heroines: this is the kind of performative sensuality I can imagine dolphins indulging in (don't get me started on dolphins).
I'm choosing, however, to have faith. Hopefully 'allokelping' will be revealed to be a creative part of a greater orca plan – perhaps to destroy humanity by giving us a catastrophic inter-species ick? I can't become one, but I remain, as ever, ready to accept my orca overladies.
Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist
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