Can't break up? A therapist might help you do it right

India Today

09-05-2025

When Anam, a Delhi-based PhD student, started taking therapy, she did not know her therapist would help her enable a break-up.'Fixing my relationship wasn't the reason I started therapy. But of course, the toxic cycle of constantly breaking up and getting back together with my boyfriend of six years was affecting me in more ways than I could comprehend. Every time we called it quits, one of us would end up initiating a reconciliation, and we'd give our relationship 'one more chance.' It became a pattern,' Anam shares.'A few months into therapy, my therapist began helping me strategise my exit from that cycle. She encouraged me to have difficult conversations with him and guided me on how to navigate those moments, rather than impulsively deciding to break up over a heated phone call. It took a few weeks, but eventually, my former partner and I did break up. It was difficult — but ultimately good for both of us. We haven't spoken in the last four months,' she adds.Though ending the relationship wasn't Anam's initial reason for seeking therapy, many young couples today are turning to relationship experts and therapists for support with separations. Break-ups can be particularly tricky — especially when one person wants out and the other doesn't. Then there are long-term relationships that persist simply because the couple has been together for 'so long,' and the idea of starting over feels overwhelming.When the thought of having that difficult break-up conversation leaves you jittery — or the fear of your partner's reaction makes you break into a sweat — reaching out to a therapist can provide much-needed support. Especially when you intend to be kind and make separation less hurtful for your partner.Ruchi Ruuh, a Delhi-based relationship expert, tells India Today that she gets clients like that all the time who want to feel supported through the break-up.'Mostly, it is the fear of confrontation, feeling overwhelmed by difficult decisions or complex circumstances like shared assets that make navigating the process daunting,' shares Ruuh.The desire to end relationships kindly, along with easier access to therapy and its growing normalisation, can be credited for the rise in people seeking professional support during such times.Experts say it is mostly women who reach out for such support.'I've seen this trend that plenty of women actually reach out for help in breaking up with their partners, whether it's a marriage or a romantic relationship. I see more women trying to seek help for the same,' shares Absy Sam, a counselling psychologist from Mumbai.Sam adds that, according to research, women tend to seek emotional support more — whether from friends, social networks or therapy.'Men, on the other hand, are more likely to resort to distraction. If you look at the percentage of people who seek help after a break-up or separation, it's relatively higher among women,' Sam says.Experts believe this is often because women want to handle the process with as much care and affection as possible.'Even if they've been in abusive relationships, many women prefer to break down the process rather than deliver a massive shock all at once,' says Sam.Those who are anxious by nature or tend to overanalyse aspects of their relationships may also reach out to professionals for help with separation. They often come in saying things like, 'Am I doing this right?' or 'Is this the right decision?' They seek validation, trying to determine whether their plan is logical and emotionally sound.How therapists help with a break-upWhen someone reaches out to a therapist before finalising a break-up, the support is not limited to deciding whether to stay or leave. Therapists can help navigate the emotional, mental and interpersonal complexities of ending a relationship, especially when feelings of guilt, confusion and even fear layer the decision.Ruuh explains that one of the key benefits of involving a therapist early in the process is help with emotional regulation. A therapist can guide clients in managing intense feelings like guilt, anger or fear that might arise while contemplating or initiating a break-up.'They might help in articulating reasons clearly, thus ensuring a respectful dialogue, transforming a potentially messy situation into a more dignified one,' she says.Therapists also help create a communication strategy — supporting clients in expressing their thoughts.'Engaging an expert often involves strategic planning, such as choosing the right time and setting for the break-up, crafting empathetic messages, setting post-break-up boundaries. For toxic relationships, coaches might create an 'exit plan' with progressive steps, empowering clients to exit confidently while minimising harm,' shares Ruuh.However, this calculated approach can feel overly manipulative to some, particularly if the other partner senses a scripted process.Therapy isn't only about the moment of separation but about what follows, too.Sam notes, therapy takes a holistic perspective, addressing not only the current relationship but also how its end may affect the client's future and their relationships with othersIn therapy, clients also explore their coping mechanisms. While some may resort to substances or emotional shutdown, therapists help redirect them to healthier responses.The support can begin at any stage — whether someone is just considering a break-up or already in the middle of one — but it doesn't end quickly.'It's not a one-day or one-month process,' Sam says, 'the impact runs deep.'A therapist also helps deal with shame and regret associated with initiating a break-up, ensuring that the transition is handled with care and integrity.That said, those on the receiving end of a break-up can also benefit from therapy by processing grief and coming to terms with the sudden emotional shift.Must Watch
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