Psychologist reveals how praise could actually be a sign that your friendship has become toxic
A clinical psychologist has revealed three signs that a friendship may have become toxic.
Dr Julie Smith, from Hampshire, took to TikTok, where she shared the information in a short video.
She often posts clips about mental health topics, including how to build self-confidence, why we procrastinate, and warning signs your partner is emotionally immature.
Speaking in her recent video about toxic friendships, Dr Smith said: 'Here are three hidden signs that your friendship has become toxic.
'Number one, your friendship is conditional on you being no threat to them, so you have to stay small enough so that they can tolerate you.'
Moving onto the second sign, she added: 'They don't respect the word "no". So instead, they manipulate you into doing what they want.'
The third warning sign she raised was 'what sounds like praise feels like poison'.
Dr Smith explained: 'So even comments that appear friendly on the surface seem to come laced with contempt.'
The video was accompanied by a caption in which the psychologist shared more hidden signs that a friendship is toxic.
She wrote: 'When you share bad news, your bid for connection and support is squashed by something apparently much worse that happened to them once.
'Sharing good news or something positive that is happening for you feels unwelcome too. You might be met with sarcasm, or praise the comes laced with insult.'
Dr Smith concluded: 'Or you might notice that you are being subtly excluded in ways that you weren't when things weren't going so well for you.'
Viewers took to the comments section to share their experiences with toxic friends. One admitted that they often found themselves in this type of friendships, writing: 'I often have wondered why I kept getting myself involved in toxic friendships and then I found out it was ME. I was doing this to me because of my fear of intimacy!! Just saying.'
A further TikTok user shared their thoughts about what people should do if they find themselves in this situation. They wrote: 'I promise you will find peace and friendship if you cut off that person to find better. i cut off someone like this in September who i had been incredibly close with for years. it's been peaceful.'
@drjulie
👉The last one can be hard to spot 👀 More on the subtle signs that a friendship has gone sour ⤵️ • When you share bad news, your bid for connection and support is squashed by something apparently much worse that happened to them once. • Sharing good news or something positive that is happening for you feels unwelcome too. You might be met with sarcasm, or praise the comes laced with insult. Or you might notice that you are being subtly excluded in ways that you weren't when things weren't going so well for you. 💫 Much more on how to spot signs that a friend might not be a friend and how to deal with it in my new book, 'Open When...' it is finally out. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller and New York Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book 'Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?'Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.
♬ original sound - Dr Julie | Psychologist
Another noted how cutting out the toxic friend had benefited them, writing: 'So glad I distanced myself.'
A number of commentators shared how they had been in toxic friendships. One wrote: 'That sounds like the story of my life.'
Another simply said: '100% your words resonates with me.'
Dr Smith has previously spoken about friendships in past videos. In one such clip, she highlighted the red flags that indicate your pals may not have your back.
She said that when something good happens in your life, a faux friend may act differently towards you.
'You suddenly realise that this isn't friendship, this is a competition. But this is a competition that you didn't know you were in,' she said.
If your pal never apologises for what they've done, they also may not have your best interests at heart. The expert said watch out if they won't say sorry for their actions or take responsibility when they hurt your feelings.
Viewers took to the comments section of Dr Julie Smith's video to share their experiences with toxic friendships
Dr Smith then moved on to speak about the third and final warning sign that your friendship is a sham.
She said feeling as though you have to walk on eggshells or find that you're censoring yourself around them to fit in is another tell-tale indication that your friendship is not built on solid foundations.
'The last one often gets ignored. Do you ever pick up on it? These are just some of the subtle, uncomfortable ways that people who don't really have our best interests at heart can reveal themselves.
'But it's not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it's good quality friendship.'
She added: 'If a friendship is taking away from your life, rather than adding to it, you have a decision to make. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex.'
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
BBC News
40 minutes ago
- BBC News
Dad diagnosed with incurable lung cancer denied life-extending drug
A terminally ill father has said he was forced to pay privately for a potentially life-extending drug which could have given him an extra "invaluable" six months with his Maxwell, 41, was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer in July 2023 and has since raised £1.6m to support others with the drug, amivantamab - costing over £20,000 - is not yet approved in the UK, despite trial data suggesting users have a 50% better chance of halting the progression of the and Vale University Health Board said it "deeply sympathised" with Mr Maxwell, adding that "all requests" for funding are supported by the Individual Patient Funding Request (IPFR) panel. Mr Maxwell, from Penarth, is the former chief commercial officer for the Six Nations rugby tournament and Welsh Rugby Union's former head of he said he was "one of the lucky ones" to benefit from targeted therapy with minimal side effects, his cancer developed resistance, forcing him to undertake more toxic chemotherapy and the new drug is currently going through the NHS approval process in the UK, but Mr Maxwell said he could not wait "because my cancer is spreading".He applied to the IPFR panel for support in October, but was declined - he paid £20,000 himself for the first quarter of treatment."My results have come back and my cancer's stable and has stopped growing, which is fantastic news," he said. However, the panel recently rejected his application again. Mr Maxwell said: "They feel it's not making a considerable benefit to my quality of life versus the cost.""I've found that hard to accept, because in my position, six to nine months is invaluable."There's no cost you can put on that, to have six or nine months with my family."Mr Maxwell said some private donors had offered help, but he planned to go through the appeals process to overturn the decision."The IPFR panel exists to support patients like me in Wales," he added. Mr Maxwell has raised more than £1.6m to support the cancer pathway in Wales with his latest challenge, a 72-mile (115km) row from Tenby to Cardiff, taking place only a few weeks ago."We feel desperately strongly about supporting cancer pathway in Wales, regardless of what the funding decision is," he Maxwell said, despite the cost of the drug, he did not understand the reason for the panel's rejection."I understand the drug is very expensive," he said. "But is the best thing for me at the moment and it was recommended to me by multiple professionals." Mr Maxwell said he didnot think there is a crisis in cancer care for Welsh added that there "needs to be more" investment in the cancer pathway."It's made me realise how important fundraising is, not just for me, but for future patients."Mr Maxwell said his family are trying to enjoy and laugh together recognising that "staying close is important"."There have been some amazing moments and experiences throughout this journey and I have to savour them," he said. Cardiff and Vale University Health Board said it had "worked extensively" with Mr Maxwell to raise awareness of his condition."We are unable to comment further on individual patient cases," the health board added.
BBC News
40 minutes ago
- BBC News
Jeffrey Donaldson: Dates set for health review on Lady Donaldson
A court has set two review dates to receive updates on the health of Lady Eleanor is due to stand trial in November with her husband, ex-Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) leader Sir Jeffrey Donaldson, on historical sex offence Jeffrey, 62, is accused of 18 offences, including one count of Donaldson, 59, faces five charges relating to aiding and abetting. The offences were allegedly committed between 1985 and deny all charges. At Newry Crown Court on Thursday, Judge Paul Ramsey fixed review hearings for the end of this month and in accused is required to trial had originally been scheduled to begin in March, but has been delayed due to Lady Donaldson's ill health.
Telegraph
41 minutes ago
- Telegraph
Funding Gavi is the simplest financial decision facing Keir Starmer. He must get it right
When he announced he was cutting international cooperation and aid to its lowest level on record, Keir Starmer promised he would protect global health. He is now about to take a decision that will show how serious he was. Will he maintain the UK's support for the global vaccine alliance, Gavi, which has prevented an estimated 18 million deaths since its inception in 2000? In the view of Save the Children and more than 150 other organisations around the world, it is critical that he does. Gavi has been one of the most effective investments in public health in modern history. In the last 25 years, the alliance has helped immunise more than a billion children. Gavi supports the rollout of vaccines for everything from measles to polio to Ebola. In doing so, it not only saves lives but builds up national health systems, strengthens pandemic preparedness and helps protect us all – everywhere including Britain – from the spread of infectious disease. Five years ago, through the Covid-19 pandemic, we witnessed that when it comes to health, nobody is safe until everyone is safe. Gavi's purpose is to shield us from the re-emergence of pandemics and lethal but preventable diseases. The fact that it is struggling to secure enough money to continue its critical mission tells us a lot about the geo-political climate today and the false instinct to draw back from international cooperation to solve global problems. Vaccination is one of the most cost-effective health interventions known to mankind. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates the return on routine vaccinations at $54 for every $1 invested. You'll be hard-pressed to find a more attractive investment proposition; and that's before you take account of the human factor. Anyone who has met a mother mourning a child who could have been saved by a routine jab or seen toddlers gasping for breath because their measles has turned into pneumonia, will know what I mean. I understand it can feel difficult to back aid in times of economic crisis, budget deficits and a struggling NHS here at home. When it comes to Gavi and global health security, however, the benefits so outweigh the costs that any vacillation seems incomprehensible. Infectious diseases know no borders, and the cost comes home to Britain. In 2023-24, more than 20 per cent of secondary care bed days in the NHS were attributable to infectious disease or infections. The cost to the NHS was £5.9 billion. Gavi's role in supporting routine vaccination and its stockpiles of vaccines against killers such as Ebola, cholera and yellow fever represent our first line of defence against future pandemics and the terrible costs counted in ruined lives and devastating economic damage. Some say governments in the Global South could, and maybe should, buy their own vaccines. They ask why British taxpayers should pay for jabs for African arms. This misses an important point: vaccine markets, like many essential commodities, are global. If every country did its own procurement, the poorest – those with the lowest bargaining power – would immediately be priced out of essential, life saving vaccines. Perhaps the most important thing Gavi has done in the last 30 years is to shape this market. By guaranteeing the purchase of hundreds of millions of vaccines over many years, Gavi has enabled pharma companies to manufacture many more doses and, through economies of scale, do it much more cheaply than would otherwise be the case. It has also enticed other firms to enter the fray and compete. Witness the Serum Institute of India, which played a major role in supplying Covid-19 vaccines during the pandemic and has now become a vaccine manufacturing giant. And Gavi works with countries to 'graduate' so that they pay for an increasingly large share of their own vaccines as they become richer, thereby ensuring that aid-funded doses go to the poorest and most vulnerable countries. The UK, as a founding member, has helped Gavi become the world-changing alliance it is today. Our partnership has put British scientific leadership in the global spotlight. From 18 million doses of ground-breaking malaria vaccines that are already saving lives in Africa to digital biometric identification and record-keeping that are transforming health systems in Ghana, Gavi links UK scientists and innovators with partner governments in the global South. At Save the Children, we're working with national governments and local communities – for example in Malawi where a recent cholera outbreak killed more than 1,700 people – to make sure children are protected from deadly and debilitating illness. With our private sector partner GSK, we are targeting millions of 'zero-dose' children who are completely unvaccinated in Nigeria and Ethiopia. In war-torn Sudan, we are transporting vials into a country whose health services are shattered. All this would be immeasurably harder to do without Gavi ensuring that vaccines are made affordably in large enough quantities for the most vulnerable populations. To keep up UK funding of Gavi is one of the most straightforward decisions this government must make. I know a bargain when I see one. I hope Keir Starmer will too.
