26-05-2025
Psychologist reveals how praise could actually be a sign that your friendship has become toxic
A clinical psychologist has revealed three signs that a friendship may have become toxic.
Dr Julie Smith, from Hampshire, took to TikTok, where she shared the information in a short video.
She often posts clips about mental health topics, including how to build self-confidence, why we procrastinate, and warning signs your partner is emotionally immature.
Speaking in her recent video about toxic friendships, Dr Smith said: 'Here are three hidden signs that your friendship has become toxic.
'Number one, your friendship is conditional on you being no threat to them, so you have to stay small enough so that they can tolerate you.'
Moving onto the second sign, she added: 'They don't respect the word "no". So instead, they manipulate you into doing what they want.'
The third warning sign she raised was 'what sounds like praise feels like poison'.
Dr Smith explained: 'So even comments that appear friendly on the surface seem to come laced with contempt.'
The video was accompanied by a caption in which the psychologist shared more hidden signs that a friendship is toxic.
She wrote: 'When you share bad news, your bid for connection and support is squashed by something apparently much worse that happened to them once.
'Sharing good news or something positive that is happening for you feels unwelcome too. You might be met with sarcasm, or praise the comes laced with insult.'
Dr Smith concluded: 'Or you might notice that you are being subtly excluded in ways that you weren't when things weren't going so well for you.'
Viewers took to the comments section to share their experiences with toxic friends. One admitted that they often found themselves in this type of friendships, writing: 'I often have wondered why I kept getting myself involved in toxic friendships and then I found out it was ME. I was doing this to me because of my fear of intimacy!! Just saying.'
A further TikTok user shared their thoughts about what people should do if they find themselves in this situation. They wrote: 'I promise you will find peace and friendship if you cut off that person to find better. i cut off someone like this in September who i had been incredibly close with for years. it's been peaceful.'
@drjulie
👉The last one can be hard to spot 👀 More on the subtle signs that a friendship has gone sour ⤵️ • When you share bad news, your bid for connection and support is squashed by something apparently much worse that happened to them once. • Sharing good news or something positive that is happening for you feels unwelcome too. You might be met with sarcasm, or praise the comes laced with insult. Or you might notice that you are being subtly excluded in ways that you weren't when things weren't going so well for you. 💫 Much more on how to spot signs that a friend might not be a friend and how to deal with it in my new book, 'Open When...' it is finally out. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller and New York Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book 'Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?'Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.
♬ original sound - Dr Julie | Psychologist
Another noted how cutting out the toxic friend had benefited them, writing: 'So glad I distanced myself.'
A number of commentators shared how they had been in toxic friendships. One wrote: 'That sounds like the story of my life.'
Another simply said: '100% your words resonates with me.'
Dr Smith has previously spoken about friendships in past videos. In one such clip, she highlighted the red flags that indicate your pals may not have your back.
She said that when something good happens in your life, a faux friend may act differently towards you.
'You suddenly realise that this isn't friendship, this is a competition. But this is a competition that you didn't know you were in,' she said.
If your pal never apologises for what they've done, they also may not have your best interests at heart. The expert said watch out if they won't say sorry for their actions or take responsibility when they hurt your feelings.
Viewers took to the comments section of Dr Julie Smith's video to share their experiences with toxic friendships
Dr Smith then moved on to speak about the third and final warning sign that your friendship is a sham.
She said feeling as though you have to walk on eggshells or find that you're censoring yourself around them to fit in is another tell-tale indication that your friendship is not built on solid foundations.
'The last one often gets ignored. Do you ever pick up on it? These are just some of the subtle, uncomfortable ways that people who don't really have our best interests at heart can reveal themselves.
'But it's not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it's good quality friendship.'
She added: 'If a friendship is taking away from your life, rather than adding to it, you have a decision to make. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex.'
