3 simple steps to overcome self-doubt at work

Fast Company

4 days ago

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I've spent over two decades on stages around the world as a charity auctioneer. Even in the earliest years of my career, my job exposed me to titans of industry and people at the highest levels of business. But as I became more experienced in my career, I always had the same thought: W hat am I doing here? Everyone here knows so much more than I do.
Any comments or thoughts I planned to share remained exactly that—thoughts—because when I opened my mouth, I worried everyone would remember I wasn't supposed to be at the table in the first place. What started as a feeling that stopped me from speaking followed me in my career. That feeling stopped me from putting my hand up for a promotion, a raise, or for anything at all. It made me feel like I wasn't supposed to be sitting in the boardroom—or anywhere near the building, for that matter.
Talk to any woman who has been in the working world or in a leadership position in the past two decades, and she can tell you all about imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is a feeling that stops many of us, particularly women, in our tracks. It keeps many of us from getting into the room where we would have the chance to fail.
As you ascend the corporate ladder, no matter how deserving you are of a new title, a raise, or a new position, you may never truly believe you deserve any of it. When you look around a room of your peers, there's a little voice inside telling you that you're lucky to be in that room. Sound familiar?
It's time to surmount the syndrome. Start with this simple three-step process so you can focus on the thing that matters most: you.
1. STOP THE SPIRAL
Tell me if this sounds familiar: You're having a conversation with someone in your life—a friend, someone senior in your office, or someone whose opinion you care deeply about. They mention they are so glad that they get to see you now that your children are getting older and you can be in the office more. The comment stops you cold. Now you're spiraling, your mind filling in a narrative. I've been out of the game for years. Everyone here thinks I don't work hard enough, that I'm not here enough, that I don't do a good job. I need to show them I do care. I'll start working on the weekends, do extra work. . . On and on you go with a spiral of self-doubt and insecurity about everything that you have ever felt about your job performance.
What did this person actually say? 'It's great to see you in the office more now that your children are getting older.' Period.
Your answer? 'Thanks!'
End scene.
2. CONTROL THE NARRATIVE
Believe in yourself enough to believe that other people are thinking the best of you, not the worst. To really slam that imposter syndrome, rewrite your own story.
Let's go back and rewrite that scene, shall we?
What did that person say? 'It's great to see you in the office more now that your children are getting older.'
Here's what I want you to hear: 'You are such a valuable member of this team, it's really great to have your positive energy in this office. You must be an incredible multitasker to be raising kids at home and crushing it at work, too. What a role model for the people around you. We are lucky to have you.'
End scene. Cue applause.
3. ACCEPT THERE ARE NO GOLD STARS IN LIFE
Never forget there are no gold stars given out when you are an adult. No one gives you a gold star for showing up to work, just like no one gives you a gold star for making your bed when you get up in the morning. You are responsible for everything that happens in your life and your response to it. Once you stop looking for affirmation from those around you and seek it from yourself, you can realize you have had the power all along.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lydia Fenet is the founder and CEO of the Lydia Fenet Agency, a boutique agency representing best-in-class charity auctioneers. Lydia's first book, The Most Powerful Woman in the Room is You, is currently being developed by Hulu into a TV series for which she will serve as executive producer. More