Three Things That Just Aren't Worth It
It's an opportunity cost. By inverse, skipping wasteful things spares you from those stupid headaches. You invite more happiness and efficiency into your life.
In 2024, a friend announced on her Facebook feed, 'If you plan on voting for Biden, just unfriend me now!'
Shortly thereafter, she appeared in a comment section, all-caps replying to people over election issues. Each comment got more corrosive and insulting. People were name-calling and going deep into bitter 37 reply threads.
A week later, she made another post ranting, 'Facebook is so toxic. I have found out who my real friends are. Time to take a break from this place.'
Yet she was the one who invited this toxicity into her feed. To be fair, we live in an important swing state (Florida). Tensions run extremely high during elections. I've seen friendships dissolve over elections that went well beyond clicking 'unfriend'.
John Stuart Mill, the father of modern utilitarianism, once wrote, 'So long as an opinion is strongly rooted in the feelings, it gains rather than loses stability by having a preponderating weight of argument against it.'
More plainly, Mill saw that emotion entrenched people's beliefs. He inferred, 100 years early, that internet arguments are futile. Without underlying respect, two people can never hope to convince each other of anything. And in the veil of internet anonymity, respect is fleeting.
Let's face it: Most internet users are only interested in being right.
So don't bother reasoning with them. It's like arguing with a drunk person.
The funny thing? When I've gone to writer meetups, the nastiest, most aggressive online writers who argue 24–7 with readers, are often the shyest in real life. They are meek. They stand in the corner during cocktail hour, smiling and not saying anything.
And so I say to you — is it really worth going through your day, angry about what a stranger said to you online?
Just as so many people are banefully toxic, many of you keep these exact people in your everyday life.
You reason with them. You give them second chances.
They cheat on you once again. They flake on dinner plans. You get begged into trusting them and being their friend/partner again. Only to get burned, over, and over, and over again.
I never thought I'd be one of those people who got burned and then was talked back into being friends with that person again.
I was just reading about a woman and her abusive partner. She described going back to him repeatedly after he apologized. I sat reading the story pleading to myself for her to stop doing it, even though this story took place in the past and that she was now free.
On paper, these decisions are always so easy, especially from the outside. There's no emotion or shared history to cloud your judgement.
The healthiest thing I ever did was face this hard reality: just because I love and care about a person, doesn't mean they should be in my life. My open-door policy and being too forgiving were ruining me.
I was losing my spine. I was becoming a person I hated, letting other people completely walk all over me. Walking away is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It hurts and feels like having a death in the family.
But if you don't cut toxic out, they'll just bring more havoc to your life. You'll be looking back 10 years from now wondering why it took you so long to figure things out.
This chapter should have been closed in middle school. The number of unintended pregnancies continues to hover around 50% in the United States. Granted there are very real needs around education and access to contraception—there's also quite a bit of willful ignorance at work, as I've seen firsthand.
People continue to wing it on birth control, or opt out entirely, using highly unreliable methods that just create an enormous problem they have to contend with (women especially).
My friend told me a interesting story. He was 18, and still in high school. He was parked in front of a pharmacy during a storm. He needed to buy condoms but was so embarrassed and scared to do it, worrying about being judged. He kept sitting there, delaying and delaying, watching the rain hitting his windshield. He tried to pretend the rain was the reason he couldn't go into the store. Then, he had an epiphany, and realized, 'If I am not mature enough to buy condoms, I should not be having sex.' I thought it was a rare and candid moment that you rarely hear from a person.
It's never my goal to call an unintended child a 'problem'. However, these surprise babies create a world of other problems for people who aren't ready to be a parent. They end up co-parenting with someone they can't stand — or hardly knew. They end up in a legal battle over visitation. I see friends, still dealing with drama co-parenting a kid they had more than 10 years ago.
And then there's the cost of daycare, food, and the infinite list of unexpected problems you have to squash each day.
Every tiny aspect of your life is forever changed because you didn't spend a few extra bucks on protection.
After my divorce, I was absolutely stunned by the number of single parents I saw on dating apps. It felt like 1 in 3. Every other profile was a car selfie with a kid in the backseat.
Sure, it might feel good to break rules and be naughty. Just mark my words — there's a haunting feeling that sinks in later.
The affirming question I try to repeat to myself with risky decisions is, 'Will I be glad I made this decision, hours, days, or months from this moment?'
I don't always get it right. But it was that exact question that helped me quit smoking.
I knew I'd never look back and think, 'I wish I'd just smoked for a few more years.'
Life is full of wasteful activities. Avoid them and you'll be ahead of the pack.
Getting tied up in internet debates. Just move on.
Trying to save dying friendships and relationships. Cut out toxic people.
Treating birth control like a game you can wing it with.
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