Sad truth behind smiling Meghan and Harry snaps
Meghan is happy. Did you hear?
1470 days after the Duchess of Sussex ceremonially burnt her last pair of nude hose in a 55-gallon drum in a Windsor wood, the former actress-turned jobbing HRH-turned palace whistleblower is the 'happiest' she's ever been.
I knew you'd be relieved.
It's a good thing that the 43-year-old is high on life and good vibes and the matcha hit has really kicked in because peel back the label and look inside the tin and things are not quite so peachy.
Earlier this week, she and husband Prince Harry, The Duke of Sussex (demonstrating he is still the gold standard in Devoted Husbanding stakes) were in New York where she spoke at the TIME100 Summit and talked about her current jubilant state.
In photos, the duchess does not appear to have a care in the world beyond which Soho eatery would be getting the privilege of serving her a burrata starter and then shuffling her out a side door later that night to dodge the paps.
But these latest shots of the Sussexes do not tell the full story about how their US lives are going. Far from it.
In the last week alone, the Duchess of Sussex has been accused of 'ripping off' an author and had her new podcast fall out of Spotify's top 100 list, travails stressful enough to really put even the strongest aura-clearing, high frequency vibrational mantra to the test.
These are just the latest in controversies to hit the former Suits star in the first three months of this which has already seen she and Harry face a scalding backlash for their volunteering during the LA fires, her shuttering her American Riviera Orchard brand without it ever having sold a thing, withering reviews of her new TV series, and with a bombshell Vanity Fair report which revived the bullying allegations that have swirled around her for years.
It's a bit mind-melding to consider that only a few years ago, the duchess could not move, blink or enunciate a three-syllable word without the world's press immediately stopping what they were doing – reporting on the war in Ukraine, covering the never-ending tide of floods and Armageddon-adjacent bushfires – to frantically tap out a breaking news story.
And now? The duchess is making money selling 'flower sprinkles' and can't get anyone even remotely jazzed about her new podcast, while the duke is busy egging on his lawyers to slog it out in London courts as they count billable hours and he has to jump on a call about a charity blow up.
The Sussexes gratitude journaling must be harder than ever.
The latest Meghan hit came last weekend when British children's author Mel Elliott revealed to the Daily Mail she had sent the duchess a legal letter over her greenlit, then cancelled Netflix project Pearl, saying 'the similarities were too great for me to ignore'.
There is her podcast, Confessions of a Female Founder, even the title of which feels like it's peddling a dated, 2010s you-go-girl-ism, the critical enthusiasm for which rank somewhere between those of Spam-flavoured crisps and chronic reflux.
The Guardian gave it two stars and said the 'vibe' between Meghan and her guests was 'predictably fawning' while the Financial Times labelled it 'earnest sycophancy and psychobabble'.
So far the series has failed to set ears aflame with her and her guests' insights into entrepreneurialism having failed to even remotely penetrate the internet's consciousness with the eight-parter having all the sizzle of a sweating bain marie hot dog at 11am.
In its first week, Confessions managed to squeak into tenth position on Spotify's most listened to charts that week before disappearing sans trace. As of last weekend it had slid out of the streamer's top 100.
Also working it's way through the Montecito pipeline is the second serving of her lifestyle-y, kinda cooking show With Love, Meghan, offering us new and exciting ways to take products from the shop and put them in dinky hessian bags to hand out to our friends when they sleep on our sofas for the night.
With Love did do some decent streaming numbers – it's debut episode just making it across the line into the top 10 list globally – however the full picture is that Netflix shot both lots of the show back-to-back last year and given they had already outlayed all that cash to rent a $12.5 million farmhouse with its own extensive kale patch, were they ever really going to bin it?
Hang on, you say. There's the jam!
In early April, the duchess' long-awaited lifestyle line, now renamed As Ev er, finally landed with products, including $21.99 'raspberry spread' and $43.99 limited edition wildflower honey, selling out in an hour. (The reviews for the spread, it should be noted, were largely glowing.)
Here's the question though – how will As Ever fair once the novelty factor has been fully eked out? What happens once every entertainment editor between Boise and Berlin is done using the company credit card to buy a jar of raspberry preserves for story purposes?
The Duchess of Sussex would need to sell more than 34,000 jars of preserves every year to pay the couple's mortgage alone, based on estimates.
But enough with the bean counting and streaming numbers. What is just a bit wild is that in only four years the Sussexes have gone from the White House feeling the need to officially comment on their Oprah Winfrey interview to the couple only making news when say the duchess gets the idea for a new marmalade diffusion line or the duke is being referred to as the plaintiff.
Harry once had the pull to get presidents on the blower and now seems, aside from his Invictus Games, in desperate need of a purpose; Meghan went from interviewing Michelle Obama and guest-editing Vogue to saying that her jam business is 'an extension of my essence'.
But happiness is subjective and these days no one can tell the Sussexes what to day, do, wear or how many appetisers to order for the table tonight. Bring on the Barolo and let's hope there really is a burgeoning US flower sprinkle market.
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