Raising emotionally stronger kids starts with THIS one habit most parents often overlook

Time of India

6 days ago

Each year on May 15, celebrating the International Day of Families reminds us of the essential role families play—not only in our social fabric but also in the emotional development of individuals, especially children.
An often underestimated aspect of this influence is the power of family conversations in building resilience in children.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. It is not a trait we're born with, but one nurtured through experiences, relationships, and communication. Research increasingly shows that everyday parent–child communication plays a key role in helping children cope with stress, process emotions, and adapt to life's inevitable challenges.
Communication within families does far more than pass information. According to Theiss (2018), families are fundamental in helping children build personal coping strategies. Through conversation, parents model how to navigate distressing events, teaching children not only what to think but how to think and respond during adversity. These verbal and non-verbal exchanges serve as templates for children to understand and regulate their emotions.
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Two important psychological frameworks help explain this further. Gottman's Emotion Coaching theory (2001) emphasizes that when parents acknowledge and guide their children through emotional experiences, they promote emotional intelligence and resilience. On the other hand, parents who dismiss or criticize emotional expression may inadvertently teach children to suppress feelings, often resulting in poor coping mechanisms.
Baumrind's parenting dimensions (1991) add another layer. They show how responsiveness (warmth and support) fosters emotional regulation in adolescents, while excessive control can lead to impulsivity and emotional volatility. In other words, resilience is more likely to flourish in an environment where children feel heard, validated, and supported rather than controlled or silenced.
Beyond individual interactions, the family unit as a whole also plays a significant role in cultivating resilience.
From a systems perspective, as Patterson (2002) outlines, resilient families adapt together to crises—be it financial hardship, illness, or other disruptions—by maintaining strong connections, open communication, and a shared sense of purpose.
One powerful method families can use to foster this collective resilience is storytelling. According to researchers like Saltzman et al. (2013) and Robyn Fivush (2022), families that openly share stories—both joyous and difficult—tend to create a 'co-constructed family narrative' that helps children make sense of the world and their place in it.
These stories become emotional anchors, building identity, empathy, and a deeper understanding of intergenerational strength.
Even if adolescents seem disinterested, they are often absorbing more than we realize. As Fivush notes, teens frequently recall family stories and find them meaningful. These narratives help them understand their lineage, values, and the resilience embedded in their family's past.
So, on this International Day of Families, let us reflect on the conversations we have at home. A simple story at the dinner table, an honest talk during a difficult time, or a shared moment of reflection can equip children with the emotional tools they need to face life with confidence and courage. Let us celebrate the power of conversation. By fostering dialogue that is supportive, responsive, and rich with shared narratives, families can raise children who are not only resilient but also equipped to face an unpredictable world.
Keep talking. Keep listening. Keep telling stories. Resilience grows one conversation at a time.
By: Dr. Vishal Ghule, Associate Professor of Psychology, Dean, School of Liberal Arts, MIT-WPU, Pune.
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