Communion Wafer ‘Miracle' Turns Out To Be Bacteria
Following a biochemical analysis, parishioners of an Indiana church were informed that the red substance on a communion wafer they thought to be the blood of Christ was actually fungus and three different species of bacteria commonly found on human hands. What do you think?
'He never said what form he would come back in.' Doug Martin, Figurine Reviewer
'Still a neat party trick.' Donna Waldon, Unemployed
''Fungus of Christ' just doesn't have the same ring to it.' Bob Fritsch, Tube Bender
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The Onion
03-04-2025
- The Onion
Communion Wafer ‘Miracle' Turns Out To Be Bacteria
Following a biochemical analysis, parishioners of an Indiana church were informed that the red substance on a communion wafer they thought to be the blood of Christ was actually fungus and three different species of bacteria commonly found on human hands. What do you think? 'He never said what form he would come back in.' Doug Martin, Figurine Reviewer 'Still a neat party trick.' Donna Waldon, Unemployed ''Fungus of Christ' just doesn't have the same ring to it.' Bob Fritsch, Tube Bender
Yahoo
01-01-2025
- Yahoo
Opinion: The magic of New Year's Day
People love to find magic in the Christmas holiday, whether it's the light in a child's eyes as they reflect the bright colors shining on trees or on wrappings and bows, or the sacred feelings that are shared when listening to scriptural accounts of the birth of Christ. New Year's Day, in comparison, tends to get short shrift. For many, it is the end of the holiday season and the beginning of resolutions that equate to greater self-discipline and self-denial. But New Year's Day has a magic of its own, and that is found in its irrepressible optimism. No matter how eager some people are to discard the old year at midnight on New Year's Eve, they generally tend to look forward with hope. And the magic lies in how those hopes come true over time. People tend to miss that in day-to-day life, which is a shame. But all you need to do is look at a newspaper from long ago and it becomes hard to miss. Pundits like to focus on the bizarre predictions from the past. By now, we were supposed to have nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners and flying houses that migrate with the seasons. Author Laura Lee compiled many of these into an amusing book titled 'Bad Predictions.' Then there was the New York Times columnist who wrote in 2006: 'Everyone's always asking me when Apple will come out with a cellphone. My answer is, 'Probably never.'' The iPhone, which changed the world (in good ways and bad) was released in 2007. But for a more serious reflection, look at the predictions that came true. A century ago on New Year's Day, the Deseret News reported on developments in the field of radio. 'Radio, telephony, international broadcasting, television and the transmission of light, heat and power by wireless are forecast for the coming year in radio by experts who have surveyed past and present progress and attempted to appraise prospects for the immediate future,' the report, titled 'radio development in 1924,' begins. (A copy of this paper can be found at The report goes on to say it won't be long before people in the United States can speak to people in Europe via telephone. Concerts and speeches would soon be broadcast internationally. The experts were off by a few years on some of these. Critics might have judged the predictions to be failures in the near term. But they proved to be true over the long term, and in vivid and impressive ways not foreseen in 1924. And so it is with predictions through the years of medical breakthroughs and vaccines, of prosperity and progress in a myriad of fields. The trend line isn't always on a steady upward swing, but the overall effect is unmistakably in that direction. For example, the Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates that in the 1920s, more than 30,000 people lost their lives each year in workplace accidents. By contrast, the bureau reported 5,283 fatal work injuries in 2023. Put that in perspective. In 1924, the population in the U.S. was 114.1 million. Today, it is approximately 335 million. The absence of bad news seldom gets reported, so it's easy to miss these things. But none of these would have been possible without the optimism and the collective dreams of the people of the past. By some measures, 2024 was a difficult year. Wars continued in Ukraine and the Middle East. Some experts warned that World War III may be looming. Others argued it already had begun. The United States conducted an election that tended to divide the nation, rather than unite it. It was punctuated by two assassination attempts on Republican candidate Donald Trump and the decision by President Joe Biden to leave the race with roughly 100 days left until the election. Given this, it would be easy to view the future through the eyes of a pessimist. But while the road between 1924 and today has been filled with economic turmoil, world wars, revolutions and civil strife, it has also been a tremendous era of unprecedented wonders and achievements. Few people would choose to abandon today's life-enhancing progress, such as instant access to information and immediate video connection to loved ones, and live in the world of a century ago. Go ahead, use New Year's Day as an opportunity to partake of the magic. To predict the future requires seeing a place no one has seen before. But predictions help point the world in the direction it should go. They articulate dreams as well as values. They say more about who we really are than they do about the people of the future. Do you want a peaceful resolution to wars? A cure for diseases? Self-driving cars? Predict these things first, then get people to collectively work for them. History shows that if we do this, they might just come true.
Yahoo
10-12-2024
- Yahoo
The modern ‘monument' man who says he has solved the 200-year-old Elgin Marbles row
Few Greek myths have as many twists as the story of the Parthenon Marbles, prised out of the Acropolis in Athens by an avaricious British aristocrat and relocated to the British Museum, where they have languished 2,000 miles from home for the past 200 years. Now, a new and possibly final chapter is about to be added to the long-running dispute over the ownership of one of the ancient world's most contested treasures. Expectation is growing that the trustees of the museum are about to agree to the Marbles' return to Greece, where they can keep watch over the fortunes of the classical world from the vantage point of the modern, glass-fronted Acropolis Museum. If there is a conclusion to this saga it will be thanks, in part, to a British organisation that has shown it is possible for the Parthenon Marbles to be in two places at once. If the Marbles return to the Acropolis, the hole they will leave in the British Museum may be filled by perfect replicas. The Oxford-based Institute for Digital Archaeology (IDA) uses robot sculptors following detailed computer scans to carve copies that are accurate to within fractions of a millimetre. High-speed drills and jets of water can replicate the actions of a human sculptor but in a fraction of the time it would take to do it by hand with a chisel. The IDA proved the case by creating a replica of the Arch of Palmyra, which had been blown up by Islamic State in Syria, and erecting it in Trafalgar Square in 2016. Since then, the replica arch has been displayed around the world and become a symbol of resistance to intolerance. The original sculptures were carved from distinctive, iron-flecked marble from a quarry near Athens around 500 years before the birth of Christ. The quarry the stone came from, on Mount Pentelicus, is the only source and is jealously guarded by the Greek government for repairs to ancient monuments. Roger Michel, the executive director of the IDA, claims to have been offered a supply of the marble which would enable the IDA to create near-perfect copies to replace the ones that might be going home. 'This is the only time the Greek government has authorised the use of Pentelic marble outside of Greece,' he says. 'We have enough Pentelic marble pledged to make a complete set of Marbles. When people return to the galleries in a few years time they will have exactly the same visual experience as they had in the old days, because our Pentelic copies will be visually indistinguishable from the originals.' Carving copies of all 132 Marbles in the British Museum could take as little as nine months if the robot sculptors work flat out, at a total cost of around £15 million, and would require roughly 470 tons of stone. This would have to be taken by lorry from Athens to Carrara in Tuscany, home to Robotor, the pioneering robot-sculpting company used by artists including Jeff Koons and Damian Hirst, that will carry out the work on the replicas. The final stages will be done by hand as human artists make sure the copies are identical in every respect to the originals. Michel claims Greek benefactors have pledged to cover two thirds of the cost if it means the return of the originals. The rest will be covered by the IDA. The Marbles, which once formed part of the exterior decorations of the vast Parthenon temple, are now equally divided between Athens and London, with a handful of strays elsewhere. Their sale between 1801 and 1812 without the agreement of the Greek government, which did not exist at the time, has been the subject of bitter dispute since they were removed by agents acting on behalf of Georgian architectural salvage hunter Thomas Bruce, 7th Earl of Elgin. Swirling accusations over the legality of the sale – by Athens' Ottoman occupiers to Elgin – has even caught the Royal family in its eddies. The late Prince Philip's grandfather, George I of Greece, was the longest-reigning Greek monarch of modern times. George's great-grandson King Charles III is known to have a keen interest in the fate of the Marbles, although he is unable to get personally involved in any diplomatic discussions. Elgin was acting out of avarice, says Michel, when he bribed the Parthenon's Turkish overlords to let him carve up the Parthenon's frieze and cart it off. Elgin was in cahoots with the then foreign secretary Lord Castlereagh and their motive was simply to make money. 'Elgin and Castlereagh had a plan to sell them to their friends as garden ornaments,' he explains. 'They were building great houses and ruins were part and parcel of the aesthetic. To be fair, people didn't have the same appreciation for antiquity as they do now. [The motive] was purely to profit.' When they got to the UK it was apparent they were badly damaged and had originally been designed as building decorations, not as free-standing sculptures. 'Phidias the sculptor had made some extraordinary things but he designed the Marbles to be looked at from 250ft not from 10ft. They weren't easy to sell.' An extraordinary marketing campaign followed as Elgin tried to flog off the ultimate Grand Tour souvenir. 'Elgin and Castlereagh set up a big marquee in one of the London parks and got bare knuckle boxers to pose naked with the sculptures,' explains Michel. 'Only men were allowed into the tent and the idea was to generate interest and enthusiasm but they couldn't find a buyer.' When Elgin got into financial difficulties following a costly divorce a committee was set up to arrange their purchase by the government. Castlereagh plucked the figure of £30,000 apparently out of the air as he had previously arranged for them to be valued as worthless to avoid customs' duties. At the time it was the largest sum ever paid for any work of art, but the committee agreed. Once the sale was complete they were 'deposited' in the British Museum. A similarly anodyne form of words is likely now to allow agreement between London and Athens about their return to Greece. The wing of the British Museum that includes the Duveen Gallery which houses the Marbles is due to close for several years in the near future for major refurbishment. George Osborne, the former Conservative chancellor and now chairman of the museum, has made no secret of his willingness to find an agreement with Greece, overriding decades of official opposition to their return. On top of Osborne's sense of urgency, there's vigour on the issue from senior Labour figures who are now in government. 'The perfect storm is a new government led by a new prime minister who is keen to rebuild relations with our European neighbours and Nato partners after the damage caused by Brexit,' Michel says. 'Keir Starmer's desire is to engage with Europe in a different way to the Conservatives. The reason nothing has been announced yet is because the trustees need to sign off on any deal and no one wants to tread on their toes.' 'My understanding is some significant portion of the Marbles will be 'deposited' in the Acropolis Museum. No one is 'loaning' these things, no one is talking about ownership at all. They will simply be deposited in the Acropolis Museum,' Michel continues. 'They came up with the word 'deposit' because that accurately describes what is happening here. It doesn't insinuate that either party actually owns the objects. When they built the Acropolis Museum it was in anticipation of someday receiving these objects back. There are empty plinths ready for them. 'No one thinks the Greeks will be keen to let them go again but they have other pieces the British Museum would be interested in exhibiting. The galleries they are coming from are in terrible condition and need to be rebuilt. This is not somewhere to house priceless objects. 'They will be going to the brand new, state-of-the-art Acropolis Museum which could not be more beautiful or secure and also has this incredible vista of the Parthenon. It will be a tremendous upgrade in terms of their digs. 'Public opinion in Britain has always been that they should be returned to Greece, it is just a small group of the elite that has disagreed. Given the choice between years out of sight in a warehouse in Croydon or one of the world's most beautiful modern museums it is a no-brainer.' YouGov polling earlier this week showed 53 per cent of people supported the return of the Marbles to Greece, with just 24 per cent saying they should remain in Britain. But opponents remain very vocal. Speaking on Sky News on Tuesday, shadow chancellor Mel Stride claimed that when they were taken into possession by the museum 'it was legitimate' and they were kept very safely. 'You give back the Elgin Marbles, does France have to give back the Mona Lisa to Italy? Where do you stop?' he asked. But Michel argues that his copies would be better than the originals, with missing noses, amputated toes and mislaid fingers restored. Some of the sculptures could also be returned to their original appearance, painted in what may appear to modern eyes to be garish colours. The ancient world was far from black and white and classical statues were not white marble. This was partly a myth propagated to encourage the idea that white-skinned Europeans are in some way superior to the rest of humanity. A test run to recreate the head of the horse which once pulled the moon goddess Selene's chariot along the Parthenon frieze, one of the British Museum's most popular exhibits, was declared a success when it was put on public display last year. The British Museum has always insisted it is forbidden by its constitution from 'deaccessioning' (permanently removing) any items in its collections. This is why the form of words involved in any deal over objects such as the Parthenon Marbles is so important. The Museum also insists it is a 'world museum' not just a British Museum and its collections are maintained for the benefit of all humanity. In a statement it said: 'The Museum has called for a new Parthenon partnership with colleagues in Greece and constructive discussions are on-going. The British Museum enjoys a good professional relationship with the Acropolis Museum.' As yet, no deal has been done to make a set of replica Marbles and display it in the British Museum. Michel claims the IDA is the only organisation with the skills, the technology and the funding in place. Watch this space. Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 3 months with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
