'Your suffering doesn't matter': Harvard psychologist tackles Jews' 'traumatic invalidation'

Calgary Herald

10-08-2025

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So for example, I met people that shared stories about how they're feeling unsafe or traumatized, either by October 7 or by what happened after October 7 in the U.S. And responses from therapists was dismissal, or victim blaming, or literally, they were told, 'Well, what do you think is happening in Gaza? How can you compare yourself to them?'
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You can see it also in discussion groups for therapists.
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When my article was posted in the DBT listserv, the automatic reaction of some non-Jewish therapists was 'why are we bringing politics into this?' And the person who posted article said, 'this is not about politics. This is about the mental health.' The conversation quickly went into the dismissal of Jewish pain.
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One of the pro bono cases after October 7 said she didn't feel safe going to her LGBTQ group. The facilitator of the group started wearing a keffiyeh, and changed the art in the room to say 'from the river to the sea,' with drawings of a Palestinian flag. Their Instagram page called for patients to cancel their appointments and go protest with them.
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And when the participant told the facilitator that they did not feel safe, their reaction was 'deal with it.' I ended up calling the head of this practice to complain, and to tell them that it's not ethical, because when a patient tells you that you don't feel safe, the first thing you need to do is to make sure they feel safe.
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The other thing is that we had so much data, there were so many examples that by itself was surprising. We couldn't even include all of it in the research to show how pervasive the traumatic invalidation is.
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Yeah, I have to wonder whether, if you exchanged Jew for Black or LGBTQ-plus, whether we would have had the same response. You would not. One of my colleagues is a Black American Jew, and he said he actually experienced more way antisemitism than racism.
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And they'll say on college campuses, they don't want Zionists there. If they ever said 'we don't want LGBTQ here' that will never fly. But it seems like when it comes to Jews, if we just use a different term, like Zionist, which is modern antisemitism, then it's OK. We don't matter.
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Q: What do you want mental health professionals to do with your research?
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To understand the experience of Jews today; to widen the ability to validate their pain.
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Validation is not always an agreement, by the way. Validation is 'I see you, I understand you, I hear your pain.' You don't have to solve the problem. You just need to be there and be curious. Ask: 'What can I do to support you? What do you need right now?'
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Q; What can the layperson gain from your research?
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Exactly the same thing. I think that's why it went viral. Because it speaks to everyone. Because there are so many nuances that we were trying to put into words in the last two years, and were not able to. And every person that contacted me who read the article said 'I saw myself in those criteria.'