Divorcing? There's a Coach for That.

New York Times

7 days ago

When Rachel Lindsay, the star of Season 13 of 'The Bachelorette,' and Bryan Abasolo, the contestant she married, finalized their divorce in January, Mr. Abasolo took to Instagram to share the emotional toll of the split. He had been 'emotionally and psychologically beaten down,' he said, and offered advice to others navigating similar challenges: 'If thinking of separating, find a divorce coach.'
In 2023, he began working with Rene Garcia, a divorce and recovery coach based in Miami and Los Angeles, to form 'an objective opinion' and gain 'guidance' when he was deciding to file for divorce. He and Ms. Lindsay had married in 2019.
Mr. Abasolo's public endorsement of divorce coaching reflects a broader shift in how some couples choose to approach ending their marriage. As divorce rates remain between 40 and 50 percent for first marriages in the United States, and the stigma surrounding divorce lessens, the demand for personalized support in uncoupling is growing.
Mr. Garcia, who works with people worldwide and has been in practice since 2021, has supported more than 200 clients in navigating and emotionally recovering from divorce. His services include access to learning modules and videos on well-being and dating, one-on-one coaching sessions as part of a tailored package, and 24-hour availability for urgent assistance, as well as resource support like finding a lawyer or mediator.
But Mr. Garcia doesn't accept everyone who reaches out for a consultation. He only works with male clients who have already decided they want to file for divorce, and he requires that potential clients complete a comprehensive questionnaire to better understand their physical and emotional health.
'I turn clients away who I don't think I'm going to be much of a benefit to,' said Mr. Garcia, whose rates start at $1,600. On average, divorce coaches charge between $50 and $300 per hour, with some, like Mr. Garcia, offering fixed-fee packages. The overall duration and cost of divorce coach services ultimately depend on a client's needs and stage of the divorce.
It's Not Therapy
In Mr. Garcia's practice, he makes it clear to clients that divorce coaching is not therapy. Divorce often unfolds in two distinct phases: the legal dissolution itself and the recovery that follows. The earlier stage — when individuals are still contemplating whether to end their marriage — is generally better suited for therapy, Mr. Garcia said.
While some divorce coaches might assist with paperwork, prepping clients for mediation, or helping with co-parenting plans, Mr. Garcia focuses on the emotional recovery aspect. This can include devising a plan to deal with newfound loneliness, creating a fitness regimen to remain physically and mentally healthy, or helping set up a new dating app profile.
Another key distinction, Mr. Garcia said, is that while some therapists may not have gone through divorce themselves, many divorce coaches — including him — have. That firsthand experience, he said, provides valuable insight when dealing with complex, high-stakes situations like custody battles, restraining orders, and relocation.
Alexa Wolkoff, a licensed clinical social worker and a divorce coach based in Croton-on-Hudson, N.Y., has been coaching for five years. Her interest in the industry peaked in 2017, when custody issues with her ex-husband led her to seek support with her divorce agreement. She joined One Mom's Battle, an organization that supports women navigating separation. When the opportunity arose to train under one of the organization's leaders, Ms. Wolkoff decided to pursue certification as a divorce coach.
Ms. Wolkoff has coached nearly 25 women contemplating or pursuing divorce and leads divorce support groups. 'Often people come to me when they're having some sort of crisis, whether there's a stall in the divorce proceedings, or a violation of the agreement, or some sort of fear about going to court,' Ms. Wolkoff said. Working as both a therapist and a divorce coach, she believes both practitioners are essential in building a support team.
Do Your Research
Although many people could benefit from working with a divorce coach, the profession remains relatively unknown to the general public. Matt Cheresh, 73, a retired chief executive in Bellingham, Wash., first contacted Kira Gould, a certified divorce coach based in Los Angeles, in 2019 after stumbling upon her website when searching for tips on how to cope during a divorce.
What formed was a three-year relationship filled with multiple one-on-one sessions, check-ins, and homework that Mr. Cheresh said validated his decisions and held him accountable. He has since referred Ms. Gould to friends navigating separations.
Yet as the popularity of divorce coaching grows, individuals seeking support should be cautious. Unlike therapy or counseling, divorce coaching is largely unregulated, allowing anyone to market themselves as a divorce coach without formal training or certification.
Ms. Gould, who completed the Certified Divorce Coach Program in 2015 and has since worked with more than 200 clients, recommends asking for referrals, reading reviews, and having a consultation. 'I think it's really important to have a personal connection with the person who's going to be helping you,' she said.
Support during a divorce is crucial, whether it comes from a therapist, certified divorce financial analyst, lawyer, mediator, or divorce coach, Ms. Gould said. 'You're creating a team when you're going through divorce, and you're going to have a number of professionals helping you, but the head of the team should always be the client,' she said. 'This is your life, your divorce, your process.'