Unsilencing the struggle: men's mental health and the fight against GBVF in South Africa

IOL News

21-05-2025

Sandile Mlangeni is a 2019 GP-based Activator, he is passionate about youth activism. Sandile regards it as important to contribute his views and experiences to recognised entities seeking to develop communities. He started his journey as an activist in 2012 when he started collaborating with community-based organisations in his hometown in Tsakane and Kwa-Thema Ekurhuleni.
Kunzima, bafwethu. Being a man in South Africa means carrying silent battles, pressures to provide financially to your family, expectations to remain strong, and we're told to bury even our deepest pains.
We were taught to 'man up, not to open up!' And so, we bottle things in '(sifela ngaphakathi),' a usual setting among men. The statistics are grim: men account for the vast majority of suicides in South Africa, a stark reflection of a mental health crisis festering in silence.
As men, we don't talk because we're scared of being judged. We don't seek help because we're afraid of looking weak. This silence isn't just killing men it's fuelling the epidemic of gender-based violence and femicide (GBVF). It's time to challenge this narrative and redefine strength as vulnerability, because every man's life matters, and so does every woman and children's safety associated with men who are emotionally wounded.
South Africa faces a suicide crisis disproportionately claims men. According to The South African Medical Research Council (SAMRC) estimates a suicide rate of 11.5 per 100 000 people in 2020/21, with men making up 75% of cases. The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) reports 23 known suicides daily, with men consistently making up three-quarters of these deaths, based on data from 2019. For every suicide, ten others have attempted it, pointing to widespread untreated mental distress.
Men are five times more likely to die by suicide than women globally, and in South Africa, this gap is even wider. Behind these numbers are stories of despair: 9.7% of South Africans 4.5 million people experience depression in their lifetime, and 70% of those who attempt suicide have a mental health condition. A 2020 report by the World Health Organization (WHO), highlighted that 75% of those with mental illnesses lack access to adequate care, constrained by an underfunded health system, and a culture that stigmatises weakness.
Poverty, unemployment, and violence hallmarks of South Africa's socio-economic landscape deepen this crisis. With a Gini coefficient of 63.0, in 2020 the World Bank reported that South Africa is the world's most unequal society, with economic hardship driving suicide risk, particularly for men expected to be providers in their families.
The 2024 unemployment rate of 32.9%, as indicated by Stats-SA intensifies this pressure, especially in urban areas where financial instability is severe. Continuous traumatic stress from living in high crime areas or witnessing violence further erodes mental resilience, leaving men feeling trapped and hopeless.
According to the South African Medical Research Council (SAMRC), the silent struggles of men are inseparable from South Africa's GBVF crisis. The country has one of the highest femicide rates globally, with 5.5 women killed per 100 000 by intimate partners in 2020/21.
Three women die daily at the hands of someone close to them, and 60% of femicides are committed by intimate partners.
Unchecked mental health issues can escalate into violence, with a 2008 study revealing that 19.4% of intimate femicide perpetrators in South Africa died by suicide within a week of the murder. Legal gun ownership, often tied to notions of masculine control, significantly increases this risk.
Are patriarchal norms the root of these crises? South Africa's culture equates masculinity with dominance, leaving men unable to process emotions healthily. A 2019 study in Culture, Health and Sexuality noted that practices like lobola, while they are culturally significant, can blind notions of consent, reinforcing ideas of ownership over women.
Men need to be re-educated that, they don't have ownership over their wives and they cannot claim them as their property, marriage is an agreement between two people who decided to build their lives together, and start a family.
Patriarchy is a double-edged sword, it demands that men must be confident, in control, must have money, and unyielding, yet punishes vulnerability. 'The 'macho male stereotype' expects men to 'man up' and adopt the 'boys don't cry' mentality,' says Dr. Talatala of the South African Society of Psychiatrists. This stigma drives men to suffer in silence, particularly in African contexts where stoicism is a cultural cornerstone.
The legacy of apartheid adds another layer.
A 2017 study by SAMRC noted historical disenfranchisement and systemic racism have left lasting mental health disparities, with white males overrepresented in suicide statistics due to access to lethal means like firearms. Meanwhile, Black men face unique pressures from intergenerational trauma and economic marginalisation, often without the resources to cope.
As a new generation of men, we must rewrite this narrative. Real strength lies in vulnerability in reaching out and asking for help, in saying, 'I'm not okay.' By addressing men's mental health head on, we can dismantle the toxic norms that fuel despair and GBVF. Here's how:
Expand Mental Health Access : Integrating mental health services into primary care is cost effective and scalable. Community based programs in low-income areas can reach men where they are, breaking cycles of untreated illness. Organisations like SADAG (0800 567 567) and LifeLine (0861-322-322) offer free counseling and should be amplified.
Normalise Help Seeking : Public campaigns can shift perceptions, showing that vulnerability is strength. Social media, radio, and community events can share stories of men who sought help, inspiring others to follow suit. Decriminalising attempted suicide, as advocated by the Southern Africa Litigation Centre, would further reduce stigma.
Address Root Causes
: Implement policies tackling poverty, unemployment, and gender inequality, as highlighted in the 2020 National Strategic Plan on GBVF. Economic empowerment programs for men can alleviate the pressure to provide, while gender equality initiatives can challenge patriarchal norms.
Join the movement. Share your story, support a friend, or reach out for professional help. The silent struggles of men are a crisis we can no longer ignore. If you're reading this and going through the most, you don't have to be alone. Talk. Cry. Pray. Reach out to someone, it could be a friend, a colleague or a pastor. You matter. By breaking the silence, we save not only men's lives but also the families affected by the ripple effects of untreated pain.
Let's redefine strength, one conversation at a time, and build a future where no one suffers in silence. This is also a collective fight for men to heal, for women to be safe, and for South Africa to thrive.
*Sandile Mlangeni is a 2019 GP-based Activator, he is passionate about youth activism. Sandile regards it as important to contribute his views and experiences to recognised entities seeking to develop communities. He started his journey as an activist in 2012 when he started collaborating with community-based organisations in his hometown in Tsakane and Kwa-Thema Ekurhuleni.