A Memorial Day Wreath Brings Military Families Together to Heal Through Their Grief
She is a volunteer for Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), an organization dedicated to the bereaved who have lost a loved one in the military. As a Marine Corps officer who has witnessed the loss of colleagues and the impact that loss has had on their families, Carnes knows the importance of connecting with these military families and remembering their sacrifices.
She feels blessed to be part of their grief journey toward finding healing and peace. 'It may not seem like you're making a difference at first, but you do,' she said. 'You see them transition through … it and you're there with them in their moments.'
Carnes had learned about TAPS's mission early in her Marine Corps career. In 2013, the native Texan decided to volunteer as a 'military mentor' for the organization, offering emotional support to families with a loved one in the military who has passed away. She also acts as a chaperone for TAPS's annual Memorial Day weekend camp for children who have lost their military parents—which is where she met the young boy.
Hand-drawn messages created for the TAPS Honor Wreath Laying Ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Memorial Day Weekend 2023.
Courtesy of TAPS
Children and teens from ages 5 to 18 are divided into small peer groups where they participate in recreational activities, as well as healing exercises to verbally express their grief, gain new coping skills, and connect with others who have experienced loss too. At the same time, their parents and guardians attend their own sessions on-site at what's called the Annual National Military Survivor Seminar, to better navigate their own grief journeys through counseling and workshops.
Carnes said not all children are in places of grief, so you meet them where they are, to be a positive, uplifting presence in their lives. 'You're there to be a big brother or sister to them. To hear these stories of resilience is incredible. It … keeps you coming back even if you don't have the answers.'
The activities reach a crescendo with the creation of the annual TAPS Honor Wreath that is presented at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day. Rain or shine, without fail for the past 30 years, TAPS coordinates a special wreath-laying ceremony for hundreds of families who have experienced the loss of a loved one who served in the United States Armed Forces.
During Memorial Day weekend, each participant at TAPS's camp event draws a silhouette of their hand and crafts a message in remembrance of their loved one.
Courtesy of TAPS
The wreath is created from every child who attends the weekend camp. They scribble, write, and draw heartfelt handwritten messages on a paper silhouette of their own hand. Hundreds of silhouettes are then assembled together by dedicated volunteers. This remains the weekend's most touching representation of love, gratitude, and thanksgiving.
Carnes said one of the greatest honors of her life was when she was tapped to carry and lay the TAPS Honor Wreath in 2023. That morning, she wore the Marine Corps 'dress blues' uniform with medals, ribbons, and badges and arrived by bus to the Arlington cemetery. According to Carnes, the creation almost didn't make it through security due to its large size.
She was an active duty Marine at the time; she feels she was put in the right place at the right time, as it was her last act on active duty. 'It felt so surreal that the chapter I was closing signified everything I believe in: servant leadership, giving back to others, and standing up for those who served and did not die in vain.'
This article was originally published in American Essence magazine.
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