Self-Absorbed People Often Display These 12 Traits Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say

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Self-Absorbed People Often Display These 12 Traits Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say originally appeared on Parade.
The label "self-absorbed" carries a negative connotation, and being called that might send you spiraling into shame. However, psychologists insist that many self-absorbed people display certain traits without any ill will. behaviors are often unintentional."Being self-absorbed doesn't necessarily mean someone is selfish or intentionally hurtful," says, a Los Angeles–based licensed clinical psychologist. "It often means that a person is so caught up in their own emotional or mental worlds that they struggle to tune into others. It's a kind of emotional tunnel vision that may be driven by unmet needs, anxiety or even exhaustion."However, Dr. Ayrapetyan warns that self-absorbed behaviors can cause real harm to relationships. She and other psychologists say self-awareness is key and share 12 self-absorbed people often display without even realizing it. They also reveal helpful ways to overcome these behaviors.Related:
Experts reveal subtle traits and behaviors to look out for.
Asking for help and communicating your needs is important. However, psychologists stress the importance of balance."If most of your communication is need-based, it can signal that you're being self-absorbed," says ., a psychologist with Thriveworks. "People tend to notice when they are being used rather than valued."A just-because text or follow-up to chat about a pal's recent vacation are great ways to show you care about someone.
Dr. Saidi says self-absorbed types are often more focused on how relationships look rather than how they feel."People who are self-absorbed tend to be highly focused on how they are perceived, often through social media posts, curated stories and self-promotion," she explains. "These matter more to them than vulnerability and mutual sharing, which creates authentic connections."
Some way, somehow, a self-absorbed person will figure out how to make a conversation about them—even if the path there is a winding one. However, this trait can make relationships rocky."When someone constantly redirects the focus to their own life, they send the message that other people's experiences don't matter," points out Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind. "Over time, this can leave friends and loved ones feeling invisible or dismissed."Related:
Sometimes, it's challenging for someone to get a word in with a self-absorbed person, which can also wreak havoc on connections."Cutting people off or talking over them makes others feel unheard," Dr. Hafeez adds. "It shuts down authentic dialogue and creates an environment where people feel unsafe expressing themselves."
The blame game is always on with many self-absorbed people, but they're never "it.""Feedback may feel like a personal attack, so they respond with defensiveness," Dr. Saidi reports. "They may even turn it around and blame the other person to protect their ego."Related:
The issues with criticism and accountability can also lead self-absorbed people to treat saying "Sorry" like a dirty word. When they do say it? It's often not a "real" apology."They may say things like 'I'm sorry you feel that way' instead of acknowledging their impact," says Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "This can leave others feeling invalidated and can make it harder to repair the relationship."Related:
Empathy is a key component of healthy relationships, but Dr. Ayrapetyan notes that self-absorbed individuals may struggle with it and not even realize it."They may intellectually understand the emotions of others but will often have a hard time connecting emotionally," she says. "For children, this can feel like emotional abandonment. When a parent can't attune to what the child is feeling, it impacts the child's emotional development and sense of worth."
This one is often well-intentioned, but Dr. Lira de la Rosa says going into "fix-it mode" without genuinely listening to someone has pitfalls."It can shut down the other person's emotional process," he explains. "In relationships, people usually want to feel understood before they are offered solutions."
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It's natural to love compliments and pats on the back, but it can veer into "self-absorbed" territory if the need for praise is constant."Excessive dependence on external validation can become draining and one-sided in relationships, especially when a partner or child's emotional needs are being overshadowed," Dr. Ayrapetyan shares.
While self-absorbed types want praise, they often struggle to do the same for others."It shows a lack of empathy when someone can't express happiness for others, whether out loud or even privately," Dr. Hafeez reveals. "This can damage relationships and lead others to feel unsupported, even in their proudest moments."Related:
Dr. Ayrapetyan explains that it's important to ask other people questions and show genuine interest in their thoughts. Otherwise, she warns it sends a memo that "you don't matter.""In a family, this can cause a partner or child to feel emotionally neglected or unseen, even if that wasn't the intent," she explains.
Dr. Lira de la Rosa notes that people with self-absorbed tendencies often take a "rules are for thee, not for me" approach to life."They may not realize this comes off as entitlement," he warns. "When this happens in group settings, it can cause tension and damage trust."Related:
Active listening can crucially help with self-absorbed traits, like jumping to give advice and lacking empathy."This means slowing down, making eye contact and showing real interest in what the other person is saying without thinking about how to respond right away," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. "You might ask a thoughtful question or reflect back on what you heard. These small changes can make people feel deeply respected and valued."Related:
"Self-absorbed behavior often revolves around personal gain or recognition," Dr. Hafeez notes. "Doing something purely for someone else builds empathy and rewires your focus outward."She suggests offering to help a co-worker without being asked, texting something encouraging to a friend or letting someone else have the floor even if you have what you feel is a truly hot and important take. Then?"Let the gesture stand on its own," she says.
Self-awareness is key in curbing self-absorbed behavior, and reflection can help."Reflecting on how you engaged helps build awareness and accountability," Dr. Hafeez says.She suggests asking yourself questions like: "Did I dominate the conversation? Did I ask enough about the other person? How might they have felt?""Even five minutes of honest reflection after a social moment can lead to lasting change," Dr. Hafeez says.Up Next:Dr. Lilit Ayrapetyan, Psy.D., a Los Angeles–based licensed clinical psychologist
Dr. Crystal Saidi, PsyD., a psychologist with Thriveworks
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind
Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor
Self-Absorbed People Often Display These 12 Traits Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say first appeared on Parade on Jun 10, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 10, 2025, where it first appeared.