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4 hours ago
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This Common Relationship Tactic Is A Form Of Emotional Manipulation, Experts Say
Have you ever frustratingly mumbled to your partner that it 'must be nice to have a partner who walks the dog' in hopes of them walking the dog more often? Or have you ever sighed that you'll 'just do the errands alone' even though you don't want to? Turns out, you may be dry begging, a tool that people use in relationships of all sorts to get their needs met. 'Dry begging is when someone indirectly asks for something. There's a need there, but they're not stating it clearly,' said Aerial Cetnar, a therapist and owner of Boulder Therapy and Wellness in Colorado. Instead of making a straightforward request or voicing a direct want, someone who is dry begging hints at a need or makes a vague complaint, Cetnar added. So, instead of stating, 'I wish we spent more time together,' someone who is dry begging may say, 'Oh, I guess I'll just stay home with the cat' — they're hinting at their displeasure instead of addressing it. 'I'll say it can come from a place of insecurity, fear or manipulation,' said Tori-Lyn Mills, a licensed clinical professional counselor with Thriveworks in Columbia, MD. But it can also be something that folks grew up with and learned as a way to get their needs met, Mills added. It's also not an official psychological term that you'll find in mental health literature, said Cetnar — 'regardless, it's very much a thing.' While it can feel easier than directly asking for what you want, dry begging really isn't meant for the long haul. Here's why. Dry begging weaponizes emotion. According to Mills, dry begging can weaponize emotion and empathy while also shifting responsibility in a situation. It can 'even weaponize a person's role as a partner, specifically in romantic relationships,' she said. For example, in a romantic relationship, if one partner wants to have sex and the other doesn't, instead of flat-out saying how they feel, someone who is dry begging may say something like 'well, most people would be happy that their partner wants to have sex with them all the time [and] is attracted to them all the time,' Mills said. This can put the other partner in a position where they feel guilty about not wanting to have sex in the moment. It can even put responsibility on them and make them think, 'Oh, I should be happy about this,' Mills noted. 'It's kind of like — I should be giving into this. That's how dry begging can work,' she said. If this sounds manipulative, it's because it often is. If it becomes a pattern, that's a red flag for manipulation, Cetnar said. More, if the partner ends up doing things they don't want to do without ever being clearly asked, it's another red flag, she said. 'It's not always manipulative — it certainly can be — but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. First, look at what's the intention and is it a pattern,' Cetnar said. Once again, if it's a pattern, that is not OK. If it's just an occasional happening, it probably isn't a big deal, she said. In some cases (but not all), it can be a narcissistic tendency. Related: "People Are Creepy, And I'm Paranoid": 23 Safety Tips And Tricks Women Who Live Alone Do To Feel Safe And At Ease Dry begging is often linked to narcissism, and while both experts said it certainly can be a tool narcissists use to get their needs met, not everyone who occasionally dry begs is a narcissist. 'With narcissism, there is a high level of entitlement. You may get a hint or a prompt, but you could get a lot more covert demands,' said Mills. In the case of a narcissist and dry begging, they may explicitly try to elicit guilt in their partner when they dry beg or weaponize empathy to get their partner to do what they want, Mills explained. 'Narcissists are typically seen as manipulative. And so there can be an overlap,' Cetnar added. Narcissists are often needy, too, she said, and dry begging is definitively needy behavior. 'I'm just going to continue to passively say something or ask for something in the hopes that people will just give me what I want,' Cetnar added. It can lead to resentment. Related: I Was Devastated When The Love Of My Life Died. Then I Started Seeing Signs I Couldn't Explain. Someone who engages in dry begging by saying things like, 'Oh, it must be nice to have a husband who cooks' or 'I guess I'll just hang up these pictures alone' instead of directly asking for what they want may grow resentful of their partner when they don't get the hints. 'Because they thinking that they're asking for something, but they're not,' said Cetnar. 'They're not being very clear about it,' she added. Your partner may not understand that you're asking for help with something or may even choose to ignore your passive statements. People likely do this because they don't know how to ask for what they want. It can be uncomfortable to flat-out tell someone you want them to prioritize time together or need them to help around the house more, which can make dry begging a more comfortable way of dealing with the ask. People who tend to dry beg may be doing it out of a place of insecurity, said Mills. They may not want to get their feelings hurt if they hear a 'no' to their request or may even worry that they're asking for too much. For some people, this is, once again, a learned behavior. 'It's common that people are not really taught how to ask for things in a way that's really clear and direct,' said Cetnar. 'Sometimes they resort to dry begging because it feels like it's a hint and they'd rather it be a hint that gets rejected than a clear ask to be rejected,' she noted. In the end, dry begging comes from a place of needs needing to be met, Cetnar said, and is likely common in those who have trouble expressing their needs and vulnerabilities. 'This could be coming from a certain person who grew up in an environment in which maybe it was a bit uncomfortable to ask for things,' she noted. Here's how to deal with dry begging: The first step to dealing with dry begging, whether it's you doing it or your partner, is awareness. You can't fix a behavior if you don't know it exists. If you dry beg your partner, ask yourself how you can start implementing direct communication, said Mills, and consider what needs of yours aren't being met before you make a passive comment. If you feel lonely, consider how to ask your partner to spend more time with you instead of hinting at it, Mills noted. You can even tell your partner you're working on this so they know to expect more direct communication and direct asks from you, Mills said. 'That way, they can practice and they can have feedback and feel supported in trying to make a positive change,' she said. If you are in a relationship with someone who is dry begging, start to notice it and acknowledge when someone is making a request by saying something like 'Is this a request? It sounds like you are asking for something here,' Cetnar said. This can open up the conversation and encourage your partner to explicitly state their needs so there is no guesswork or resentment. If your partner isn't willing to change and continues to manipulate you, it's worth considering if the relationship is worth it. But, for someone who does this as a learned behavior or because of difficulty expressing emotions, there is hope for article originally appeared on HuffPost. Also in Goodful: 30 Absolutely Wild Medical Facts You've Probably Never Heard Of But Probably Should Hear Also in Goodful: "It's Nice To Feel Wanted": Guys Are Sharing The Small Gestures Women Do That Make Them Weak At The Knees Also in Goodful: "I Can't Wait For This To Go Out Of Style": People Are Sharing Popular Modern Trends That Are Actually Pretty Toxic
Yahoo
3 days ago
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7 Things Empty Nesters Wish They Said Sooner to Their Kids, Therapists Reveal
7 Things Empty Nesters Wish They Said Sooner to Their Kids, Therapists Reveal originally appeared on Parade. Watching your kids leave home after roughly two decades (or however long) can undoubtedly conjure up many emotions and reflective thoughts.'What was once a bustling home echoing the sounds of kids playing, growing and learning now becomes much quieter, often giving parents a feeling of something missing once their last baby bird flies the coop,' says, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Thriveworks in Nashville who specializes in life transitions, coping skills and she and other therapists share seven things empty nesters wish they told their kids sooner, common feelings parents have when their adult children move out and tips for handling all of First, let's normalize the empty nester experience. Whatever you're feeling, you're far from the only one.'In my work as a therapist, I've supported individuals who feel grief, relief, sadness and even confusion about who they are now and after their child leaves,' says, a trauma-focused counselor who's the owner and clinical director of Turning Points Counseling. 'One of the most common feelings is a deep sense of grief, not just the absence of their child's daily presence, but the loss of a role they've held for so long.', a therapist in Canada who's well-versed in this topic, has also noticed a sense of disorientation due to that major life change. 'It's not just about 'missing them,'' she says. 'It's often an identity shift… It's common for this life stage to bring up questions like, 'Who am I now?' or 'Did I do it right?''Positive feelings and experiences can arise too, though. Turner says parents may rediscover old passions, nurture meaningful relationships and reconnect with personal goals—and we'll discuss that more in a Once a child leaves home and begins navigating the world on their own, caregivers have time to reflect. Many realize they focused more on their child's achievements than their character, values and unique qualities, Turner says, and that bothers Machkour mentions a phrase like this too. 'It's a reminder of how much kids need unconditional affirmation, especially during their formative years,' she Oftentimes, caregivers don't focus on personal self-care because they're busy caring for others—and they worry it shows. 'The realization that they haven't modeled the importance of self-care for their kids often comes after they've moved out, so they cannot show them this action,' Kelly says. 'Examples of this include enjoying a quiet moment before life gets busy, appreciating a sunset [or] showing them peace.' Normalizing the struggle of adulthood can help young adults feel less alone, and parents often feel they didn't do that enough. Perhaps they wanted to encourage the child to make good grades and forgot to say it's okay and normal to make bad ones sometimes too. When they see their children struggling or being hard on themselves, this thought can pop up.'Parents often notice their young adult children feeling overwhelmed with the pressure to succeed or have a clear path,' Turner says. 'In hindsight, they wish they had normalized uncertainty and offered more reassurance around the messiness of becoming.'It's worthwhile to note that a parent being vulnerable and authentic in this way can mean more to an adult child than a parent might realize. 'When they reflect, they realize that modeling humility and emotional honesty could have created more space for real connection,' El Machkour What Is 'Lighthouse Parenting'? A Child Psychologist Shares the Benefits Whether it's investing tips or a reminder to think about retirement early, anything and everything finance is another big one, according to Kelly. Parents may be so used to taking care of their child financially—and seeing their child as, well, a child—that considering a financial conversation didn't come up. That makes sense. While only two words, 'I'm sorry' can have a significant impact—and empty nesters wish they said it sooner, especially as they reflect on their parenting and want to feel they did 'a good job.''They often reflect on moments they weren't as patient or attuned as they wanted to be, or times they unknowingly projected their own fears or expectations,' Turner says. 'This desire to repair often emerges once there's physical distance, when they're no longer wrapped up in day-to-day parenting and can more clearly see the impact of past dynamics.'Related: Getting a child ready for college, marriage, the military or wherever they're going can be a busy, mind-consuming thing in which parents forget to offer future support. They may also wish they had suggested or asked their child more than they 'told.''Some empty nesters wish they had asked more open-ended, emotionally attuned questions instead of offering advice or solutions,' El Machkour says. Yes, travel often comes up too!'They look back and realize maybe they didn't do as much traveling together, and so they didn't show their kids how to travel safely or how to save for travel,' Kelly says. 'Or maybe they weren't as patient and relaxed on trips as they wish they'd been.' She encourages caregivers to give themselves grace when they have these thoughts, validating that traveling with kids is difficult. You're still a parent and always will be. But what that looks like will be different—and that's okay. 'I encourage them to approach this new dynamic with curiosity and openness, shifting from directing to trusting, from advising to asking,' Turner says. 'It's about allowing their child to step fully into adulthood while staying emotionally present in a supportive, respectful way.'This transition can be one of the hardest, she validates, but it can be rewarding too. She's found that once parents view their children as capable individuals with paths to follow, the relationship becomes more authentic and connected. 'Small changes, like listening without immediately offering solutions, can go a long way in building a lasting, meaningful relationship,' she adds. 'With intention and support, it can become a deeply meaningful time of growth for both parent and child.'Related: 10 Phrases To Avoid With Your Adult Kids To Transform Your Relationship, According to Psychologists While missing your child and your role as a caregiver is normal and good, don't forget that you're not just a parent. Revisit old hobbies, friendships and roles you may have set aside. 'This might mean returning to long-forgotten passions, exploring creative interests, re-engaging with community, or simply allowing space for rest and reflection,' Turner says. 'Whether through travel, hobbies or spiritual growth, this process of self-discovery can lead to a renewed sense of vitality and purpose.'El Machkour also encourages revisiting interests, friendships and creative pursuits. 'From a psychological standpoint, this helps re-establish a more flexible and resilient self-concept, rather than staying stuck in a role that's no longer active day to day,' she what it's worth, you're still 'teaching' your kids even when they're adults, so practicing self-care in this way benefits them too. 'An empty nest couple, perhaps, would start planning their retirement bucket list and checking things off,' Kelly says. 'As their children get closer to that point in their lives, they will look back and remember how their parents did it.'Related: This Is the Best 'Slow Living' Hobby for Women Over 50, Psychologists Say While, ideally, you would have told them those things sooner, it doesn't mean it's too late to do so now. In fact, it might be more effective now.'Sometimes, young people don't care to hear their parents' opinions and might think they know everything there is to know,' Kelly says. 'But, once they've had a little time in the world, they seem to look back and realize maybe their parents had some wisdom.' Maybe your adult child doesn't want to hear it, or you want a chance to think through what you want to say. Whatever the case may be, don't forget that writing is an option. 'Just keep information—either things they wish they had known as a young person or things specific to their family—in that journal that they can one day hand over to their child,' Kelly says. 'Empty nester' is such a common term, but it may help to adjust your perspective of what that looks like. El Machkour points out that the word 'empty' carries a lot of emotional weight, so she encourages cognitive reframing. 'Shifting the narrative from 'I've lost something' to 'I'm entering a new chapter' can soften the grief and open up new possibilities,' she Next:Nona Kelly, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in life transitions, coping skills and self-esteem Racheal Turner, MS, LPC, a trauma-focused counselor Kenza El Machkour, a therapist in Canada 7 Things Empty Nesters Wish They Said Sooner to Their Kids, Therapists Reveal first appeared on Parade on Jun 5, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 5, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
28-05-2025
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12 Phrases That Make You Instantly More Assertive—Without Sounding Rude, Psychologists Say
The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. We learn that fact in geometry, but it can apply to communication. A clear, straightforward statement or assertive phrase is sometimes necessary to get the point assertiveness can feel unnatural for some people, especially if they fear being considered "rude." Meanwhile, others may be too blunt and regularly cross the line, coming off as rude and disrespectful in the name of assertiveness. But psychologists stress there's a difference between assertiveness and rudeness."The difference between being assertive vs. rude is that being assertive means expressing your needs or boundaries clearly and respectfully, without being aggressive," says a clinical psychologist. "Rudeness, on the other hand, often dismisses others' perspectives, lacks empathy and uses tone to dominate. Assertiveness invites dialogue while rudeness shuts it down."If you've ever found yourself wondering how to firmly yet respectfully get your point across, you're not alone. To help explain further, Dr. Schiff and other psychologists open up and share 12 phrases to help you sound instantly assertive but not This phrase is excellent for sharing your intentions and framing matters as a team effort, points out Dr. Catherine Hormats, Psy.D., a psychologist, psychoanalyst and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor."Use it with people who have a history of being used, are skeptical or cynical or have trouble seeing a bigger picture," she Even in a polarized world where hot takes are the order of the day, it's possible to politely let someone know you don't see eye to eye. "There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with others," notes Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. "The key to being assertive is how we share that we disagree. This phrase allows you to acknowledge that you've heard the other person's point of view and share that you have a difference of opinion." Dr. Hormats shares that this line communicates your genuine preferences. However, the first part—about not challenging the person and wanting to remain authentic—softens the more direct ask that comes next, reducing the odds a person will feel defensive from the suggests using it when you're speaking to someone who is "suspicious, easily overwhelmed or generally feels unsafe when others differentiate themselves." Messaging apps for work and personal life, like Slack and WhatsApp, put pressure on us to respond immediately. However, that's not the rule in non-emergency situations."There are few instances in life where an immediate answer is actually needed, and giving yourself permission to take a minute, literally 60 seconds, to consider what you want isn't too much," Dr. Miller says. "This phrase can be really helpful during job interviews or when you feel blindsided by a request."Related: This one is for you, eldest daughters, people-pleasers and boundary-adverse types."This is a phrase that you can use when someone makes a request that you cannot take on. It is simple and direct, and doesn't over-explain," Dr. Schiff shares. "You are drawing a boundary without getting defensive."Related: It's a phrase and a complete sentence. "I remind people all the time that 'no'... does not require any further explanation and is not rude," Dr. Miller she does concede it can feel too short and not sweet enough for some, "especially women who have been socialized to be more cooperative."If you feel this way, she suggests tacking on two tactful words without losing polite firmness by saying, "No, thank you." Dr. Schiff suggests using this phrase when you want to say no but are open to considering alternatives."It is non-confrontational, calm and gives the other person space to pivot and come up with something else," she says. Not all offers—however well-intentioned—are worth taking."Sometimes we can feel pressure to accept something, especially when it appears to be coming from a place of generosity or kindness," Dr. Miller says. "We may be afraid of offending or hurting the other person's feelings. However, accepting something we don't want could lead to waste and reinforce people-pleasing."This phrase kindly communicates "thanks, but no thanks." Related: Sticking up for yourself can feel hard. However, Dr. Miller stresses that being assertive is important, especially if someone is raising their voice or using aggressive language."That type of speaking style can shut us down, resulting in passive communication where we may people-please," she points out. "We may match their tone, loudness or language, which will likely escalate the situation."Enter the phrase, "Please don't speak to me like that.""This phrasing can be helpful as it sets the boundary in a clear and direct manner," Dr. Miller says. "It could be helpful to then use an 'I statement' for further clarity."For instance, she explains that you might follow the above phrase with, 'When you raise your voice, it makes me feel afraid.' In sports, timeouts don't mean "game over." The same is true for communication if you don't like where things are headed."This phrase is helpful when someone is overstepping, dominating or interrupting in a conversation," Dr. Schiff stresses. "It shows that you are not passive but can maintain professionalism. This can work well in a meeting in order to redirect or clarify." Conversations can get tough, and deflecting or derailing is a common strategy to avoid having one. However, sometimes, working through an issue or continuing to discuss a challenging topic is essential. Dr. Schiff likes to use this assertive phrase in these situations."It keeps boundaries around the discussion in a polite way without escalating things," Dr. Schiff shares. Getting interrupted is disorienting. You can assertively let someone know how you really feel without one-upping their rude behavior."This phrase will likely be more effective than raising your voice to speak over the person who is interrupting you," Dr. Miller says. "It is essentially an 'I statement' where you share how the person's behavior—interrupting you—makes you feel disrespected. This phrasing sets a clear boundary while reminding the other person that listening is a sign of respect."Related: Some phrases may sound assertive in your head but come off as rude when said aloud. Psychologists advise against anything that will put people on the defensive, and it only takes two words at the beginning of a phrase to do the trick. Dr. Miller doesn't recommend extreme generalizations, which generally kick off with phrases like "You always" and "You never.""People rarely always or never do something," she says. "A more assertive way of communicating is to focus on the specific behavior and how it has affected you."Dr. Hormats reports that "You should" has a similar effect."Most people strongly dislike being told what to do or how to be," she Next:Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist Dr. Catherine Hormats Psy.D., a psychologist, psychoanalyst and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., licensed psychologist with Thriveworks 12 Phrases That Make You Instantly More Assertive—Without Sounding Rude, Psychologists Say first appeared on Parade on May 28, 2025
Yahoo
27-05-2025
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6 Ways Kids Benefit From Spending Time With Grandparents, a Child Psychologist Reveals
"Toxic grandparent" and "toxic in-laws" can be a constant conversation in parenting circles and Facebook groups. Yet, don't let the Internet fool you: There are excellent grandparents out there, and we're all better for it—especially grandkids."Grandparents offer more than just love—they offer emotional security, a sense of continuity and a nonjudgmental presence," says , a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. "They connect children to their family and cultural roots, and when children feel connected to something bigger than themselves, they can develop stronger emotional foundations."Below, Dr. Saidi dives deeper into the benefits of spending time with grandparents. She also shares tips for grandparents hoping to ensure the time they spend with their grandkids makes an impact both now and for generations to We often talk about the unconditional love between a parent and child. However, grandparents also typically provide no-strings-attached love for a child, which can significantly benefit their mental health."Children often feel a special type of comfort around grandparents," Dr. Saidi says. "This can lower their stress and increase their sense of truly feeling seen."Related: Grandparents can teach children new things long before they set foot in a school, and the lessons can last a lifetime."From baking cookies to planting vegetables in the garden, grandparents often have the time and wisdom to teach with love," Dr. Saidi says. "These lessons build confidence and independence."Dr. Saidi also applauds grandparents for the patience required to teach kids new skills. Anyone who has ever tried baking with a toddler bent on putting ingredients anywhere except the bowl (and especially in their mouths) will understand why. "Grandparents are living history," Dr. Saidi it may sound like an insult, she's giving a well-deserved compliment to grandparents."They share stories, traditions and values that give children a sense of where they come from," she says. "This can help support a strong identity and sense of self in other words, forget genealogy services—just have kids talk to their grandparents, and they'll take a meaningful walk down memory Children learn more than practical skills from their grandparents. "Grandparents who have survived life's storms can model grace, patience, forgiveness and problem-solving in a way that younger adults may not be able to," Dr. Saidi says. "Watching grandparents model patience can teach children resilience." Children, tweens and teens often have busy schedules rivaling their working parents: two to three sports a season, volunteer work, music lessons…it can be a lot. While these activities can build confidence, friendships and skills, there's something to be said for free play. Grandparents can let kids (and their imaginations) run wild."Grandparents often have the time and presence to engage in relaxed, imaginative play," Dr. Saidi says. "This is not only fun, but good for brain development as well."The American Academy of Pediatrics has published research that finds that free play directed by a child is vital for exploration and self-discovery of preferences and While it's not the be-all, end-all of human existence, Dr. Saidi points to research suggesting that kids who spend more time with their grandparents often move to the head of the class. For instance, one 2018 European SociologicalReview article shared research that found that grandparent involvement helped predict academic achievement. Dr. Saidi credits grandparents who have more conversations and foster curiosity in their grandkids for this While adults often feel they need to lead the way, Dr. Saidi suggests doing the opposite (within reason and paying attention to safety, of course)."You may love puzzles and crosswords, but your grandchild may love Bluey,"she explains. "Ask questions, show curiosity and meet them in their world. This communicates, 'I care about what matters to you.'"Related: Reading books is a great way to bond with a grandchild. However, Dr. Saidi suggests telling stories too—specifically, she recommends grandparents tell their stories."Your life lessons — even the mistakes — are priceless," she explains. "When you share them, you share wisdom, laughter and perspective that they will carry with them through life."Related: On the subject of mistakes: Don't strive for perfection (or give the illusion of it). There's no need, and Dr. Saidi says you're probably putting undue pressure on yourself."Just showing up and being there for them with your full attention, patience and kindness can go a long way," she explains. Up Next:Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children. American Academy of Pediatrics. Tying the Extended Family Knot—Grandparents' Influence on Educational Achievement. European SociologicalReview. 6 Ways Kids Benefit From Spending Time With Grandparents, a Child Psychologist Reveals first appeared on Parade on May 26, 2025
Yahoo
17-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
6 Signs That You Might Be An Extroverted Introvert
You've probably been asked if you're an extrovert or an introvert. Maybe you even categorize yourself as one or the other. While many people associate extroversion with outgoingness and introversion with shyness, there is more to the personality types than that. 'It really depends on where we find our rest. If isolation or time to ourselves recharges us, that's an indicator that you probably are more introverted,' said Heather Duncan, a licensed professional counselor with Thriveworks in Lynchburg, Virginia. 'If you are recharged by people and being around others, that might be a sign that you tend to be more extroverted,' Duncan added. But therapists told HuffPost that very few people fall squarely in the extrovert category or squarely in the introvert category. Instead, most people find themselves somewhere on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, said Duncan, or as a combination of the two. If you're not quite extroverted but not quite introverted, you may be what is known as an 'extroverted introvert.' 'I would describe an extroverted introvert as someone who is an outgoing introvert or social introvert,' said Duncan. 'Some people refer to this as ambiversion, where there's a blend of introversion and extroversion.' 'It's someone basically who enjoys socializing, but also needs alone time to recharge. So they might seem outgoing in some settings, but ultimately, really need a balance of social engagement and alone time,' said Marcus Berley, a licensed mental health counselor and the clinical director of Self Space Therapy in Seattle. Does this sound like you? Read on for the behaviors and habits that are common among extroverted introverts and how those in this category can best take care of themselves mentally and emotionally. While canceled plans can be a relief for anyone on certain days, like on a rainy evening, for example, for an extroverted introvert, canceled plans tend to always be a relief, said Berley, who said he is an extroverted introvert. 'I seem really outgoing, but can feel relieved when plans get canceled,' he explained. 'Like, no problem, someone needs to cancel plans.' 'I was happy to go, but I'm really happy to stay at home and throw on my sweats, and hang out with my wife and my dog,' said Berley. 'You're going to enjoy some amount of socializing, usually on your terms,' said Berley. While pure extroverts will likely accept any social invitation they get, the same can't be said about extroverted introverts who have 'some specific type of social needs,' Berley noted. Oftentimes, introverted extroverts agree to events when the size of the gathering is on the smaller side, or the event has a specific purpose, he added. So if you like live music, you may be willing to go to a crowded music festival, but not willing to go to a crowded beer festival with friends. Talking about big things like life lessons or someone's deepest worries isn't for everyone, but deep topics are the kind of conversations extroverted introverts typically gravitate toward. 'Extroverted introverts really tend to prefer deeper conversations over small talk,' said Berley. For instance, an extroverted introvert may find themselves hunkering down with a few people at a party and talking about deeper-level topics as opposed to going through the whole room and talking to everyone, he explained. 'It would take less of an extroverted introvert's energy to speak their mind and talk at a deeper level than make small talk,' Duncan said. This doesn't mean extroverted introverts can't make small talk, though. 'They may be really great at small talk, as they understand that small talk can lead to a deeper, more authentic conversation,' Duncan added. Extroverts are known for having seemingly never-ending social batteries, but an extroverted introvert needs time to recharge after social gatherings, according to Duncan. 'Typically, we look at extroverted introverts as people who enjoy meeting new people, but they have a lower tolerance for extensive socializing,' Duncan said, 'and that really points to that energy level and what recharges them.' You may be able to 'show up pretty well in social settings, because you're tuning into other people, but also just need that time to reset after,' added Berley. An extroverted introvert won't be someone who keeps the party going. Instead, they'll head home when they need that solo time to recover, Berley said. Extroverted introverts tend to have deep relationships with friends and family instead of a bunch of acquaintances, according to Duncan. Extroverted introverts are likely selective about who those deep relationships are with, as not everyone is worth the social battery drain that it takes to get to know new people. 'An extroverted introvert may enjoy socializing but would rather be alone than participate in an unfulfilling interaction,' Duncan added. According to Berley, it's common for extroverted introverts to be mistaken for pure extroverts. This is because extroverted introverts are lively in social situations, enjoy gatherings and can easily talk to others. But others see a skewed view of this personality type, he noted. 'I don't choose to show up in those social settings nearly as much as an extrovert would. And you don't see me in the recovery time, because I'm by myself,' Berley added. Duncan said it's important that you understand who you are and how you recharge, whether that's with other people or during alone time. 'I think when we come to an authentic place where we radically accept ourselves, I think that is a space where we're able to start to find that balance of what works best for us between those social interactions and our need for rest,' Duncan said, 'because there has to be a balance. Typically, an extroverted introvert's battery is finite, and so it's only going to have so much to give.' If you notice that you're stressed or overwhelmed, it may be a sign that your balance is off and you need to recharge, she noted. A feeling of overwhelm may also mean that you need to set boundaries in regard to your time. 'It's OK to say no to something even if your friends are excited about it, or to suggest something that would suit you better,' Berley said. 'Communicating your needs is something that is easy to bypass when you're wanting to be really sociable and friendly, as a lot of extroverted introverts are, but you saying what you need is really valuable because other people can then adjust the plans, or at least you're not withholding and then struggling out there because you're throwing yourself in a situation that you're not really ready for,' Berley added. When making social plans, Berley recommends that you create buffer time between social events. So if you have plans on Thursday and Saturday, don't agree to go to a dinner party on Friday. Instead, use that solo time to do something you enjoy, whether that's going for a walk or puttering around your house, Berley noted. 'You can't go [socialize all weekend] and then roll right into work. You're going to need some of that buffer time,' he noted. If you aren't sure if you fall into the extroverted introvert category, you can talk to a mental health professional who can help you learn more about yourself and fully understand what you need to feel your best. There Are 4 Types Of Introverts. Which One Are You? 5 Things Empaths Bring Up Most In Therapy The 6 Issues People-Pleasers Bring Up The Most In Therapy
